Sumasuma-summer.........

How is your summer going?  Ours is quiet as I stated.  We have done some local things, but mainly I have had two separate summer experiences.

The first one was with BGA, having a month together with her.  It was a good month, and she's grown so much, she's becoming 'tweenish' and wanting to have more 'older' kid stuff than her sister has, picking her own clothes (I know most people let their kids pick their own clothes but this just has never worked for us, so I pick two choices then she picks which one she wants), staying up later (this has not worked for us either because all LGA does is lay in her room awake, calling out and waiting for her sister to come to bed) and picking from the adult menu (although she can't eat off the adult menu) because some menus say kids 12 and under or one said 8 and under.  She's asserting some independence and it's nice to see her grow a bit.  It's nice to see her get how her behavior affects her sister and how not to fall into the trap of letting her sister bug her.  I feel sometimes she doesn't always get what she needs because LGA's needs take more effort on our part to parent her.

Speaking of LGA, she has not made the transition well from summer school to summer vacation.  I'm being challenged every day by her and she's spent some time playing in her room because I can't take the constant fighting with each other, the constant jealousy and tattling. The girls cannot play together without fighting, and BGA's newest thing is to tell her sister, "Go away and leave me alone" which only makes her sister want to egg her on even more.  So now we're having to get into a summer groove and transition and then it will be time to transition back to school.  Hopefully LGA can get in the groove now that it's been a week since she's been out of school.

People say that they give their kids the summer off, but really for LGA we all needed the break and she needed the structure.  I'm sorry if that offends anyone but really it's very hard to parent her some days and having a summer school break was good not only for BGA and I to spend some time together that she very much wanted and needed, it was good for LGA to have some extra learning time so as not to forget it once school starts.  This will help her and one of the teachers was one of her former special ed teachers at her old school so it was not hard to transition back into school.  She actually asked Dave this week if she was going to go to school, "Am I going to school today daddy?" So I think it was good for her and she will be going each summer.  We didn't go before now as our school didn't offer summer school and the program specialist we are assigned to for the Special Ed dept never told us we could sign her up for another school and have her bussed. 

I'm not feeling the energy I would normally feel.  I know it will come back, but I don't feel it. I don't want to do anything which probably makes it hard on the girls as they are hyper vigilant about things so are probably sensing my sadness and have seen me cry.  So pretty low key non active summer for the most part.  But that's ok.  I'm not gonna stress about it, I'm just taking one day at a time. 

I have some ideas for moving forward and when I'm ready I'll put them in place.  Ideas I have had are wanting a therapy dog to go to schools and also assisted living facilities (yes, I know we just added a dog, yet, she was presented as a therapy dog but is too hyper, licks and jumps.  So I didn't realize it when we adopted her.  She's sweet but not what I need in a therapy dog).  Some have felt this isn't an option I should pick, but it's something I would very much like to do.  My other option is to spend more time beading and open an Etsy shop to sell jewelry. I would like to do this also but never felt I could start because I didn't know how my mom would be healthwise, and didn't want to start a project like that when I didn't know where she would be healthwise.  Another option is a therapy dog for LGA, I have found that it would be an option for her, if we chose to have one. She would qualify, which I never thought she would.  I may still go around to volunteer at Assisted Living facilities when the girls go back to school.  I am missing the senior connection and would like to possibly connect with a senior who has no family, etc.  Again these are ideas I have thought about, we'll see when I am ready to put them in action.  I am surrendering to the grieving process, allowing myself to feel it and grieve and move to the next day.  I'm not wallowing, but I am just letting it happen and moving on.  It's like the person who gave me life, who was my best friend and always there for me, is gone.  I never imagined how I would feel when she was gone, and the rest of my immediate family was gone (triple whammy) leaving me on my own for the most part (although my family has been supporting me).  So it's a lot to get through but the light is at the end of the tunnel and life goes on. I will come out on the other side.  :-)

On a lighter note, I have started to read on Dave's basic Kindle that he purchased a couple of years ago (he has since upgraded to Kindle Fire that he got for xmas).  And I read a book he and my friend Kim recommended, "$#*% My Dad Says" (those might not be the correct symbols, but you get the drift). I enjoyed the tv show with William Shatner and the book was very funny.  It was nice to get back into reading, so now I'm ready for the next download on the Kindle. I have always been a reader but when the girls came home I just didn't really do much of it.  Each summer I attempt it and read one or two books then lose interest over the fall/winter/spring.  Trying to see if I can re-kindle (so to speak, LOL) my love of reading.

We celebrated National Ice Cream Day on Sunday, so attached are some pics of us all in Super Hero t'shirts.   I am growing my hair out again and am in bad need of color and cut.  I am hoping to add the highlights back, in August.  So, a no makeup (except lipstick) day, and hair not super styled.  The girls loved their Old Navy Wonder Woman t's.  :-)

This is how Olliepop is spending the summer

She always has a sweet smile

Bad shot of me, but that's what you get for no make up sunday

She's growing up, I can't believe she's 8

Takes my breath away sometimes, she's growing up so much.  She looks so different from the 6 yr old girl who came to live with us.

Summer

Our summer has been pretty low key here at Family of 4.  We spent 18 days at my mother's house, leaving the week after the girls got out of school.   LGA had summer school the monday after we got back from my mom's house, and went for a month.  During that time her birthday fell, and our 4 years as a family anniversary.  We didn't really celebrate either, although I made LGA a cake and she wanted to go to the house of cheese, Chuck E. Cheese.  She had a good time so that is all that matters. 

There have been movies we went to, parks they played in, and an early am $1 movie today with our friends, but other than that, it's been pretty much a stay inside summer.  I am trying to have more energy to do more, but I'm just not into it this summer.  They go back to school in 4 weeks.  And with the amount of fighting going on just as of today, I am sure ready for it.  We started out great this am, enjoyed the movie, gave them some candy and popcorn in the movie (Regal's $1 movie Tues/Weds) even though they'd just finished breakfast at 8.  And all was well till we hopped in the car looking for a park to play at.  All of a sudden BGA was hungry and LGA just wanted to play.  We got tied up in traffic and that was the end of that, it fell apart in the car as they began to argue with each other.  They are definitely better split up.  Also LGA now has to integrate into the summer routine, just in time to go back to school.  She's resentful she has to do it at all since BGA was in her summer routine the whole time and has hit her stride, but LGA had to go to summer school so she lost some of what she had gained as far as transition goes, when she went back to school. I'm giving her a week, but am coming down a bit hard on the consequences for tantrums/fits.  LGA threw one in DQ as we had lunch, so I nixed the park and any electronics.  As we speak they are playing with legos and squinkies in the living room and not happy (BGA) about no tv.  Oh well.  BGA had some nightmares last night and she has been in a pretty foul mood all day long.  I hope tomorrow is a better day, tried talking to her, but LGA kept interrupting and would not hang out in her room so I could talk to BGA.  So BGA has been grumpy, which of course affects LGA's mood. 

Anyway, here are some more pics from our summer and my mother's celebration of life, the pics we put on display..

I think my mom looks very glamourus in this pic

More of a close up of pics of her life

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Hula, Glamour, Softball, and Getting her degree

Wild girl at dinner

New summer cut (dentist is coming in 2 weeks, I see $$ signs)

Hanging out at Grandmas, pre packing up

New little imp

New Haircut, stressed out eyelash pulling, growing back finally!

Pool time

Pool time

Birthday sundae at Red Robin

Birthday cake at home

Birthday bear from Aunt Kim and Uncle Lupe

Bear all tucked in (this is how I found him on going into her room one morning)

So did I totally overwhelm you with posts yesterday???

Sorry about that, but a certain blog and adoptive mama reminded me that I should keep writing. I emailed her and told her I couldn't but right as I said that, it seemed the world opened up and I NEEDED to write.  So I started writing thank you notes, emailing cousins and thanking them for things like eulogies, etc.  Then all of a sudden I was reading a blog and thought, "hm, should go see my own blog and see how long it's been since I posted." Well, then of course I needed to rectify that immediately and out it all came, the post about our summer and my mom, the pics, etc.

So today's post will be about the dentist...........Part I. 

BGA and Dave went to the dentist today.  Dave to get his teeth deep cleaned and BGA for her check up.  BGA, I have been noticing has been brushing lately, as we've casually brought up that we would be going to the dentist.  She really didn't want to, but she's been doing it. I have noticed cleaner teeth.  LGA, on the other hand, was the discussion of the moment, down south, when my aunt or uncle casually asked, "do her teeth look like that always?"  I about died.  Seriously, her teeth have some yellow and on one of her front teeth, brown spots on them and she refuses to brush.  Will not allow you to brush her teeth and it ends up being a fight that Dave has been unwilling to fight (he's the one who gets up with her in the am).  So her teeth look bad.  The caps are coming out, luckily, but one of her front teeth is coming in sideways, so I'm thinking we may have an ortho consult in our future.  She goes in a couple of weeks for her appt.  She did get to see what they did to BGA today and was only nervous a couple of times.

BGA on the other hand had no new cavities and just needs a filling she had previously, fixed.  She got x-rays, an exan and her teeth cleaned along with flouride painted on, today.  She has always hated the dentist and when they needed to fix her filling in 2009, she would not let the dentist, turned away, freaked out screaming, etc.  So we finally got what we thought was decent dental coverage, only for it to change again, to one major insurance company, that frankly bites.   But we decided we needed to get to the dentist and when Dave had some calcium fall off his front back tooth (but he thought he chipped a tooth) while the girls and I were at my mom's, he went in and made appts for each girl.

So four hours after everyone went to the dentist, we were done.  BGA did very well, enjoyed her appt, liked the female dentist, and did very well.  Her teeth are great and I'm really proud of her, as she has never really wanted to brush, but somehow when her teeth started getting yellow and we told her the dentist would show each tooth on the xray and know where she was and was not brushing, she stepped it up.  She received a cute spinning Ariel toothbrush and some sparkly toothpaste.  The nurse gave her a token to put in the prize (like the grocery store candy machines) and she gave the prize to BGA.  So she did very well at the appt.  That's like a complete 360 turnaround.  So next is me, but I'm going to wait till the girls are in school and then make the appts for me.

Yesterday we celebrated National Ice Cream day, went out for dinner and then got ice cream. Dave took LGA to see Ice Age and they had a nice daddy/daughter outing. 

I'll attach some more pics in another post, to catch up our spring/summer.

One more pic I forgot to add

Another one of my mom's collage but if you look on the top right corner you will see my mom with each of the girls.  I didn't have a hard copy of these, and forgot they were taken. However, I found them in an envelope at my mom's.  So I want to get the pics out and frame them (I put them in a box when packing up and don't remember where they are......but I know I have them).  Aren't they great pics of my mom and the girls?  I know I will look at these fondly when I frame them. I think I cut them down as well so will need to see how I can frame them (don't ask me why I did that, I think I was so tired when we were making this collage, that I just wanted it all to fit).

Okay that's it for today, now that I have totally overwhelmed you with different posts.  I will post more of our summer, LGA's bday and some pics from our stay down south, in a later post.

Some Random Pics.......

Getting an award at school

Touching a Lobster at Red Lobster

Me, growing hair out, experimenting with Instagram

I found these dolls placed in bathtub when I went to clean it (by LGA)

My sweet Cavalier

The new addition (behind)

Earrings I made for a Relay of Life Fundraiser

Kitty-cat

Another pair made for fundraiser.  Don't mind my yucky dry fingers.

Another pair of earrings. Loved this heart.

Catch up.....

In between my mother passing away and being gone on two trips, we celebrated LGA's 8th birthday and in March we adopted a 3rd doggie (more on that in a separate post).  Anyway, I will try to play catch up with some phone pics (sorry none taken on the camera) soon.

Hi there.......

Hello,

Anyone still out there reading??

Has it really been since January that I posted on my blog?  Wow.  Well, lots has been happening here in the family of 4.

Well, I guess I'll go back to January, and fill in a bit from there.

LGA started her new Special Ed Day class in a new school quite a ways away from our house.  She did ok for the most part, but as she was with younger children (she went from 2nd to kinder/1st) she tended to regress a bit.  There were children she talked about a lot (boys seemed to be the ones she talked about and one little girl with downs who I think might be in her class this year) who either did something to her, got in trouble, or "so and so said this, mom" etc.  She did well, although tattling continues to be a problem.  She had a great teacher, Mr. M. and an aide, Ms. M.  She finished out the year with getting an outstanding in classwork on her report card, so that lets me know that she is really trying hard in class.  We still have the ADHD focus and sit still issues, but we will be seeing a psychiatrist to see about meds doses at some point.  I was very proud of her and while she still throws tantrums/fits, I saw quite a bit of growth and a much happier LGA since her school change.  Her speech has gotten much better, but she still has a hard time (and can now realize it which frustrates her) when trying to get everything out at once, when she's in a hurry.  We had tried to get into one of the university speech programs for her but her previous speech therapist did not fill out her paperwork needed to enroll LGA, so when we have her IEP meeting (and get to meet the new speech therapist, teacher and her new school district Special Ed person) we will ask for more paperwork and see if we can get her some additional speech tutoring.

BGA finished her year out pretty well, too, however, she had a male bully, who the last straw is he put glue in her hair and cut another girl's hair up to the ear (the girl had very LONG hair).  We were told by BGA that he got expelled, but we are not sure that is the case, as her first grade teacher, who I am in touch with said he was coming back.  Anyway, he created some stress in BGA's life so I personally hope he's gone.  The school has always been behind in their testing scores and this year they lost their grant so the class size will increase to 34 students and less teachers (some of the good ones left).  The class sizes were at a great 21 student size, which is why we left BGA at that school.  Now we are re-thinking that and might pull her, but we don't really know where she would go, but it would probably end up at a school farther from our house, and LGA already does that (although she is bussed).  So we'll see how her school year goes this year.  She has a problem with wanting to be in charge, so that has not served her well in the past.

School starts in August this year as well (in the past it was end of July) so we have a month till school starts.  LGA attended summer school this year for a month, which was really good for her, but hard as well as she thought BGA was doing more with me and she was not.  BGA really wasn't, because I had no energy to go anywhere, so we stayed in she played Nintendo and watched a lot of Disney and Nickolodeon while I slept.  (More on that in a bit).  So now we have a month till school starts, approximately, and I have nothing signed up for them to do, as I was not sure what would be happening this summer.  Hopefully we can find stuff to do, so they don't fight (which has been a common occurance this summer, mostly stemming from LGA's jealousy.).  We have been working with BGA to not get her to engage.  She's finally seeing the light (after 4 years) on that and trying not to engage LGA when she tries to get her upset.

I cannot believe it has been 4 years since the girls came home, 3 since adoption.  I see BGA growing up (she's almost 11) and cannot believe she is the same scared, sad, upset, 6 yr old who came home.  I enjoyed the month home with her, I truly did.  She comforted me, she and I bonded and talked and it was a special time.  I'm glad we had it.

So, on to the sad part of this summer.  This blog started out to be a fun blog for me, to post my jewelry, to post recipes, fun stuff we do, etc.  To be a bit lighthearted as well as to post stuff the girls were doing.  But in May my mother passed away.

She went in the hospital in April for a colon infection (she had a whole host of issues going on with her) that did hit her blood stream but they managed to get rid of the infection (I have never heard of anyone surviving a blood infection).  She stayed in the hospital a week and then went on to her convalescent home that she had been in previously for falling, getting a horrible flu/cold bug, etc.  This time around she was not happy to be there, and wanted to go home.  It was a hard decision but my aunt/uncle and cousins and I decided to put hospice in place.  Mom went home and had hospice for initially, once a week. However, mom had some dementia and it seemed to be increasing and she became combative to her live in caregiver and the person the caregiver had helping her as well as the hospice nurses.  So I consulted with her hospice case manager and we decided to increase her anxiety meds.  Mom seemed ok but not really with it.  I believe in the end she went into a light coma, as we then had the hospice nurses administer the heavier meds as she seemed to be in some pain.  The week I came down to see her, I got to talk to her on the phone and she was conscious.  The previous days before that she was combative to me on the phone.  It was a hard decision to make.  I didn't know and still don't know if I made the right one to increase her meds.  I was told once you give the heavy duty morphine pack the patient just sort of goes out of it (not by hospice they assured me that was the way to go for mom) and that's what happened to mom.  But my mother was not happy, had not been happy all year long since my brother died, and really didn't want to live anymore.  That's hard for a daughter to hear and to see, but I had to honor what she wanted.

I came down two days before she died, and was with her, although had stepped out of the room when she actually died.  But I gave her permission to 'go' and within an hour she had passed away.  I miss her tremendously, and some days were so hard I cried through most of them.  However, I still needed to take care of details, and clear out her house.  I did that with two separate trips.  The first trip my friend Gwen, who I have known since Jr. High, helped me clear out part of the house, took me to the beach one day and shopping, brought me food, and was there for so much support.  She called the donation charities and arranged to have them pick up the first load of stuff.  Then I still had mom's live in caregiver (who didn't really want to leave and was in no hurry to leave) to find a place to live (she eventually found her own place but friends and I had to physically move her out one Saturday night, on the 2nd trip, girls in tow) to worry about. 

The 2nd trip was mom's graveside service and her 'celebration of life' services.  The girls were freaked out being in grandma's house without grandma (they came with me on the 18 days trip we were away from home) and totally were scared at the graveside and kept asking me if grandma was in the urn.  They couldn't wait to get home, even though my high school friend Heather came and took us to the Wild Animal Park, and we spent 2 days in mom's complex pool with them.  My aunt brought stickers and Heather brought some clothes, books, coloring books, etc., so that kept them busy.  We had an inside estate sale so the girls had to stay in the bedroom all day, so it was hard on them, but they handled it well.  I ended up mostly packing mom's house on my own, and going through most of it on my own, but I did have help with the estate sale, mom's friends came by, my aunts and uncles and cousins, helped.  It got done, but personally it was very very hard to see my adult 'home' that I moved out of, came to stay when visiting my  mom, that now is mine to sell, with all the stuff I had grown up with, either go to relatives/friends, charity, consignment, sold or donated. I was so exhausted as I was packing up to go home, and having the girls help me load the van up, that on the day we left I was so frustrated I couldn't get the girls' portable DVD player to work with the screens that needed to be put around the back of the seat rests.  I took them off and have put them on plenty of times, but I was so emotionally and physically drained that I broke down and cried.  As I went to call Dave to ask how to do it, BGA just quietly did it for me, even hooking pu the DVD player.  I was proud of her.  She hasn't totally taken care of me, but both girls when we got home have (when they aren't fighting) really helped me a lot. I know time heals, as they say, but I really miss that my mother will not see the girls grow up, I will not be able to talk to her anymore, and I wish that I had known the last real conversation I had with her would be the last one.

Here are some pics of my lovely mother and me and the girls and one with my aunt and uncle and brother.

Mom in the 80's. 

Mom and me in the '90's, a favorite pic of mine.

Picture of the first time mom met her granddaughters, with my aunt, uncle and brother.

The celebration of life board I made of pics through my mother's life

Mom's high school pic.

Mom on her 80'th birthday