My Uncle's 90th Birthday........

We've been busy here at Family of 4 household.  Lots of odds and ends to work on, some house issues, car issues, pet issues.  In the midst of all that, I took off to Los Angeles, for my Uncle's 90th birthday this past holiday weekend.  By myself. 

I don't usually worry about the girls and one parent (Dave) taking care of them while I am gone.  When I went south with the girls last summer for my mother's funeral and to settle her estate, the girls and I were together alone (for the most part, we did have some outings with my high school friends down there) for 18 days.  18 days with no parent back up, with one special needs child and two ADHD kids, who cannot handle things like my grief, losing their grandma, so everything was heightened and behaviors were off.  If I can do that, Dave can handle a weekend on his own (he was notably tired when I came home and gave me a huge hug and kiss when I got home, LOL).

So............I headed out on Friday morning, with two little girls (and the pets) looking at me sadly as they all left for school.  The hubs said, "have a good trip, I love you" etc.  as he left to take BGA to school.  I said, "have a good time"  (and in my head wondering how they'd have a good time with me being gone, and knowing I'd have a bit more fun and freedom than he would) and "I love you" too and headed out on the highway to LA.  I made good time, however, the mama van has a few items going on with it and one of them is an airconditioning hose and exhaust manifold.  So......needless to say, LA was having a heat wave on Friday and when I hit the "valley" traffic, it was 84 degrees according to the van and the air was NOT working.  I had jeans, tennis shoes, longer socks on, and a short sleeved t'shirt (luckily I packed some of them).  I was HOT.  I did eventually get to my aunt and uncle's house (the uncle with the 90th birthday) where I was staying in 6 hours time (going on to San Diego county always meant another two hours so it was nice just to drive the 6) with minimal stops.

My aunt and uncle have a nice home, that they have lived in since the 50's I believe.  They were happy to see me and we had some good chats.  My uncle was looking a bit older and tired, I think, and had recently lost his best friend of over 84 yrs, so he wanted to talk about his friend.  We chatted as I sat and rested up a bit, then we decided to go to dinner at the Olive Garden.  We met the 5pm crowd (but that was too late, and there was a bit of lamenting on not getting there at 4, but we missed the big crowds so that was ok) and had a great dinner and some more conversation. We also made a dry run to my cousin's house, where I would go the next day to help out, so I could see where I'd need to go. I didn't think it would be beneficial because it was dark (but they were right and it was when I had to drive to my cousin's the nex day.  I am a landmark driver and there were some unique landmarks).  During the night I asked my uncle about his service in the Pacific theater during WWII and he happily shared.  I think he liked having someone to listen and I asked questions I had (after watching Stephen Spielberg's The Pacific) and also talked a bit about my grandparents and my mother, their growing up years. I got to thinking that really we should record my uncle, so that I could type up his memories for us all to have.  He has some good ones.

My uncle drifted off to sleep for a couple of hours and my aunt and I had a chance to chat.  We talked about where they were on 9/11 (they were in DC waiting to go on a tour of the White House), we talked about Jacqueline Kennedy and their tour of the Book Depository and the spot where Kennedy was shot, on a visit to Dallas.  We talked about the girls (my aunt is a former 4th grade school teacher) and about her classes visiting the California Missions (this is a project most CA school children work on in the 4th grade, BGA did a short summary and that was all her class did).  We had quite the conversation and I sensed she wanted her turn to talk to me.  We stayed up till 1am.  That's nothing for me as I am a night owl, but my aunt and uncle were tired the next day.  After my uncle awoke from his nap, he had his 2nd wind and we talked some more.  We hadn't talked like this since my mother died last year.  It was nice and I enjoyed it.  I asked questions and took everything in that they talked about. 

The next day, Saturday, I awoke from my momento filled bedroom (they have traveled extensively and had a few items stored in the room I stayed in) and got ready in the bathroom.  The bathroom is tiled, even the floor. I didn't realize why my aunt pointed out putting the rug down on the floor till I stepped on the tile (even in my shoes) and felt like I was gonnna go down, the floor was that slick.  Saturday breakfast was oatmeal and an english muffin, oj and I had to bring instant coffee as my aunt and uncle don't drink coffee.  I thought about having herbal tea, like they did, but I knew that would not tide me over and I didn't remember if there was a coffee place between my uncle's house and my cousin's house (where I was going to help cook and get ready for my uncle's party on Sunday).  So I brought instant. It got me by.   I slept well, too, like a rock.  I hadn't stayed in that bedroom ever, but had stayed at my aunt and uncle's house. I hadn't stayed in about 25 yrs though.  But you know how you sleep the first night in someone's house, sometimes not restful, and it takes awhile (at least it always has for me) to feel comfortable to sleep there?  Well, this was not the case for me as I drifted off completely and only woke up when the sun was shining through the curtains.

My aunt and uncle saw me off with a "let us know if you are coming back for dinner" (it was so nice.  When you have lost a parent, it feels good that someone wants to know when you are coming back). I made it to my cousin's house in record time and with no help from the 3x5 card my uncle wrote the directions on.  My cousin had broke her wrist in a fall (but neglected to mention to me) in Nov and had a splint on.  Her son was there and so we moved furniture and they let me cook with them.  Both are cooks and I really didn't expect to do much other than be a sous chef, but I got to wilt some spinach (which I had never done before, but it turns out the girls like it so they gave me a tip on how to cook it) and enjoyed some great infused water and Earl Grey iced tea, while we worked.  My cousins and I talked and it was very relaxed and fun.  I love my cousin's house, it's very bungalow style, but she's decorated nicely and it just felt like home to me.  I enjoyed my day very much, and we finished it off by getting the most wonderful carrot cake and cupcakes for my uncle's bday.  I brought some back with me to my uncle's house and we enjoyed them after dinner.  This is where my cousin ordered the cupcakes and cake from:
https://www.susiecakes.com/

We had another evening of talking about adventures, this time we talked about my aunt and uncle's travels.  It turns out that they have seen weddings and been invited to share in the celebration, on most of their travels.  They shared some stories I had already heard about, and some I hadn't. I listened and was reminded of a time where my mother and I sat at the very table we were at, listening to the stories they told about their travels, only this time it was just me.  It felt weird and comforting at the same time.  We turned in early Sat night as they were tired.  No tv in my room so I got out my book and read till I got tired enough.

Sunday, my uncle made the best pancakes I have had in awhile. Dave makes good pancakes too, must be a guy thing.  These pancakes were light and fluffy, the large ones you get in a restaurant.  Some pre cooked sausage, oj and my instant coffee (again, but hey no caffeine issues, so it must have worked since it was Starbucks instant).  I headed over to my cousin's house and we got ready for the party.  My cousin's daughter, who has been mentioned on this blog and my other one, came down from the bay area with her fiancee, who I had not met.  He's very nice, and I was very happy to see her so happy.  You can tell they are in love and they get along well.  Her mother said they were two peas in a pod, and they really are.  It was nice to see that she is happy and getting married.  My aunt and uncle referred to her wedding as "THE wedding" and it really is, just as ours was almost 13 yrs ago.

I got to see my cousins arrive, and most notably my 2nd cousin, once removed, as we are known, and his partner.  We have known each other since we were about 10, we have written to each other, gotten together, lost touch, gotten back in touch, for years.  I saw him at my mother's funeral but the girls were there and I really didn't have much chance to talk.  He took me out to lunch on the first trip right after mom died, but I think I was in shock and I don't really remember much from it (sorry Michael).  We had some great conversation going and it was nice to connect with my cousins and also with my cousin's daughter's two friends, who came.  They know my uncle from the many gatherings that they all shared.  The girls were funny and my uncle commented on how much he liked E's laugh.  He seemed to light up when she came around.  :-)  We had a nice day and my 2nd cousin and his partner and grandma (my 2nd cousin I guess) came back to my uncle's house for a half hour and we chatted.  

We ended the evening watching the season finale of Downton Abbey, which I had seen before but didn't mind seeing again.  They fell asleep through it, but my uncle fought it and wanted to watch the full 2 hours, my aunt nodded off and on but caught most of the last hour.  It was a sad finale, but I won't share my thoughts on it if you haven't seen it yet.

Monday I woke early intending to be on the road by 7:30 (I didn't make it till 9:30). I packed and got ready and had a small breakfast with my aunt and uncle. We chatted and before I realized it, it was almost 9.  I had to get on the road, so off I went, a bit bittersweet, as it always is when you leave a nice weekend.  I was anxious to get home so I really didn't stop and made the trip in 5 hours. As we were loading the car (my uncle insisted on helping me, he didn't know I used to load my stuff in the car from mom's by myself) I heard my aunt tell him, "make sure you have her call us when she gets home."  If she only knew how touched I was by that. My mom used to say, "call me when you get there."  So it reminded me of my mom.  I like how my aunt said, "Just a brief call.  That's all we need."  I am known in my family as a 'chatterbox' so I think we were all chatted out.  LOL.  As it happens they were going out for a meal (at 3) so it was very brief.

It was a good weekend, and I do need to do it more often I think. I know my cousin takes good care of them, but it would be nice to reconnect with them.  When my cousin's parents were alive (my mother's sister and her husband) and I lived in S CA, we would get together once a month, and then this aunt and uncle would come down from LA and we had lots of family gatherings.  These days the gatherings are less frequent and it's sad, in a way.  I want to rectify that.  Even if I came down every few months or so.  Now that Dave has his promotion he can make his hours and be available by phone.

All in all, it was a great trip, I was able to reconnect and celebrate my uncle's 90th (I came down from N CA to S CA for his 80th, and my mother was still alive. I missed his 85th) and enjoy some family time as well as time to myself. It was nice to do this. 

The girls missed me and LGA said on Saturday, "Mommy.......I miss you.  You come home today??"  I had to tell her no and all I heard was a sigh.........she has become quite the mommy's girl, and she started out being more of a daddy's girl.  When I came home and put my key in the lock, I heard, "MOMMY'S HOME!  MOMMY'S HOME!!!"  Lots of huge hugs and kisses for me, lots of wanting to be by me, etc.  My sweet dogs missed me, especially my first Cavalier, who has always preferred me to anyone.  Dave said he moped (he usually goes with me but my aunt and uncle did not want me to bring any of the dogs) around.  He rarely licks and he just kept licking my face, so happy to see me.

I had some good news to tell the girls as cousin G and her fiancee picked their date and she asked me if the girls would be flower girls. They were SO excited! 

So, back to life here, the routine, etc.  We have a leak again in LGA's room, although it has not come through the carpet, but it is warm in her room so it's another hot water leak.  We have issues with the cars, and our cat has a urninary tract infection that 2 rounds of antibiotics have not cured.  So we have our hands full.

LGA had a hard time (last time I was away was in Oct for my high school reunion) and did not have a good time at school.  She was caught throwing food.  She said her classmate told her to do it (but classic FASD is lying, so hard to know what the real truth is) with me being gone.  The girls have always had a hard time, no matter how often we go away and come back. They just want us where we are supposed to be, all 4 of us together.  Also, LGA's teacher wrote a note yesterday after the holiday telling me the food throwing was on friday and yesterday.  She said LGA needed to write the classroom rules and that she only had one line done after an hour.  AN HOUR???  Seriously, they expect an FASD, ADHD kid to sit still for an hour and write rules???  I'm afraid our nice relationship will go by the wayside because I wrote a note back asking how they thought she could sit still for an hour and write the rules down (when she is barely learning to write and feel comfortable copying stuff down).  I mean, come on, they KNOW LGA, they know she cannot do this.  The note said, "this is unacceptable."  So I wrote back and asked what did they mean by that.....did she miss recess, etc.  Then LGA shared (and the teacher did not) that she had to go to the Vice Principal's office and that the other girl got suspended but LGA did not.  So I am not quite sure what was going on but I did explain that I was going out of town and that LGA has a hard time with that so there might be some acting out.........which makes me wonder why they were so surprised.  Unless they did not believe me???  So LGA and I had a talk about how to behave at school, and how if someone asks you to do something and you know it's wrong, you should not do it.  LGA has had good behavior in school for the most part, so this was out of her norm and I think the teacher was surprised. I guess she didn't believe me when I told her LGA had issues in mainstream class and that we were happy it didn't appear she had issues in this class/school.    So we will see what today brings, but I got her ready for school (Dave usually does it) as Dave was not feeling well, so I reminded her again (it's all repetition for FASD kids, lots of repetition) of the rules and said, "you are going to have a good day today, right??"  But what still gets me is her sheet with plusses and minuses did not show any minuses for Friday when she was 'observed' throwing food.  Also FASD kids can be led very easily so we have to talk about that too. I guess I need to get the teacher a copy of my info on teaching FASD kids.  She has Special Ed experience of over 20 years, but that does not mean she's familiar with FASD (or needs a refresher).

So here's to my week back from my weekend.  May we get all the issues resolved and life back to normal.  I enjoyed my trip and it was good to get away again.  I feel more refreshed so I know it's needed again. Sometimes you just need a break to reconnect with family.

A Movie........

I did something today that I haven't done in awhile.............I went to an early movie by myself.  I am not sure how much time has passed since I went to a movie on my own, but it's been considerable.

I have been wanting to go to a movie on my own since the girls started afternoon Girl Scouts at their school one day a week. I have two extra hours to myself and figured I'd have plenty of time to go see a movie and then pick them up.  But........there weren't any movies I wanted to see out, so I wasn't able to go on the day they go to GS.  Today was Friday so the new movies came out.  I decided to go to a movie today.  I think I just needed something different to do. I'm in a rut and as I mentioned in my last post, I really want to start doing some stuff for me this year.  I want to define who I am, not by a mother, but me, the person I was before a mother and before raising a special needs child.

So, today I picked a movie to go to.  I picked Identity Theft, because I really like Melissa McCarthy. I always have.  I also like Jason Bateman, the male lead, so I decided as the time worked out, that I would treat myself to an early movie.  By the time it got out, it allowed me time to pick up BGA from school.  She's been late getting out of class the last couple of days so I figured I could swing it.......I was correct.

The movie was funny, and just sitting in the theater by myself was a treat.  No having to share my red vines with Dave and the kids.  No one talking before the movie started, no one having to go to the bathroom or complaining that their straw didn't fit in their drink, or that they dropped a piece of candy, etc.

The theater was packed for a Friday, mid day.  I had to sit down at the front (because I took my time getting ready, couldn't decide what to wear for some reason today (as the weather that had been in the mid 60's and sunny, decided to go to the mid 50's and cloudy).  Perhaps my body is getting acclimated to spring coming soon? Especially since the groundhog did not see his shadow so spring is coming early.

I still enjoyed it and stretched out with a whole row to myself. I didn't care if anyone heard me laugh out loud.  If I liked a line I was gonna laugh heartily..........and I did.

I got out in just enough time to meet BGA at school, and since she's been late the last couple of days I had enough time to sit and check my phone while I waited.  Think about the movie I just saw and have a few minutes of peace before that was over for the weekend (and it's a school holiday so no school on Monday, but that's ok because daddy is off on Sunday and Monday and will be home to help out).

I think at times, it's hard to make time for yourself, when you have a special needs child. It's not easy to find a baby sitter, or leave them with people, so you end up going by yourself or in Dave's and my case, we try to cram stuff in on the Monday he is off and the girls are in school.  It's hard to find that time together and since Dave works Saturdays, I feel guilty taking a Sunday to myself when he's just off work on his first day off.  But I need to find time for stuff for me. I've really let it go by the wayside.  The first few years I was just plain tired, and days were tiring and discouraging at times.  I was dealing with a lot of issues from my brother (who lived in another state but who had no problem bugging me by phone) and my mother who was failing health wise.  It was hard to make time for myself and I just didn't do it.  I let it go and then when I tried to carve out time for myself, I couldn't relax.  Being a stay at home mom, I could have made time during the day, but after my mother died, just doing any kind of task, cooking, laundry, cleaning house, etc., became a chore to me (sometimes it still does, and sometimes I just need to mentally decompress).  I couldn't find my way.  I didn't want to at first.

But very slowly, I began to read again (I still have a hard time picking reading back up, and I have always been an avid reader, but I just can't do it for some reason, at times), I have read some small books and posted last post about the ones I just recently bought.  I started to watch movies on DVD or DVR ones to watch on tv, instead of mindlessly turning on the tv to whatever show was on.  I began to slowly bead again (although that has taken a backseat lately and I can't seem to organize a project.  I am really wondering if there is ADHD in me, I can't seem to complete a project, and can't focus enough to start).  But I am such a long way from where I want to be.

The loss experienced, both in my mother's passing and an issue with a friend, has taken me to a place, where I have had to examine some truths, and where I have been disappointed about what was said. I have had to decide what I feel about the friendship, and if you have followed this blog you know how hard it has been to lose my mother, and to form the 'new' ideal of family (the girls, Dave and I) and to fully be able to focus on them.  It's different, and I could go into it, but there is now a blog on my sidebar if you want to read more about my experiences since my mother has passed away.  There is only one post up as I can't seem to decide what else to write about (or get motivated).  I have been very tired these past few months, but have been staying up late, on the computer or watching tv, not really connecting with anything.  Grief can do that to you.  Grief you don't expect or the amount of grief you don't expect to feel. 

So making myself go out to a movie was a good thing.  It felt good, I felt good, after.  It was a good start for me.  I must start doing things again.  I did when the girls first came home, the first few years, then as issues with my brother came up and my mom started failing, I stopped. I just stopped.  So, another beginning this next week, I have a lunch date with two gals, a mother and her daughter, who I have recently met through my friend. I buy jewelry from the daughter, and she's very sweet and nice, and her mother is my age and we got along well the times we met.  They uplifted me and made me feel special. They told me they liked my hair, they liked the girls, they started inviting me places, it felt great.  They have their lives and I have mine, but we can get together socially and it's fun.  Dave, the girls and I have been to their houses for parties and had fun.

I used to be social, but raising a special needs child has changed a lot of that.  I am not alone, I know that other mothers out there are experiencing the same thing, as I have now met some on FB.  Yes, the very same FB that causes people to not be able to get a feel for what others are saying because you can't get the tone of someone's voice on FB.  But there are a few Fetal Alcohol groups I have joined and I just make sure I stay out of the controversy, however, most of us are just trying to get support for raising our kids, and I didn't realize I needed that support till I started connecting with others who have children like mine.  That's dropped a lot of stress because I can log on, read how someone else handled a situation and know what will come next, etc.  I needed that so badly.  If I can stay out of the fray (not that I have seen any at all, like I said most of us just support each other and we are all pretty supportive of each other) I think I will do ok there and it's needed.

So getting out of my comfort zone for a movie today, was a good experience for me and one in which I think I will repeat. I'm also going to contact some former co workers of mine and arrange lunch on the day when the girls are in GS for 2 extra hours. 

LGA was testy at dinner tonight, which is always hard, and not a pleasant experience, so my nice day was almost a distant memory, but we did manage to get through and she must have had a hard learning week as she went right to bed (which might mean she's up earlier than usual) so that evened out in the end.

I need to get more sleep as I have become a night owl, preferring the late night time when everyone is safely tucked away in bed and I can relax a bit, but it's tiring me out. I am still getting up early as Dave and the kids leave for school and work, so I need more sleep.  So I've been trying to go to bed an hour earlier than I had been and determined my tiredness was due to lack of sleep.

A movie was a good start for me, though............I must take advantage now that the times are earlier, to go before school lets out.  I enjoyed my day completely. And it was just a movie...........who would have thought that would be what I needed today?  But it was............

Promotions, Products and Pets.......Oh My!

I wasn't going to do a post of products I love, but there are a few things lately that I have received that I like and wanted to highlight them for you.

But first off, I have to give a shout out to my husband (he very rarely reads this blog) because he's receieved a promotion at work and is now a manager in charge of the office staff.  He's been at his company almost 10 yrs (even his boss didn't believe it - but his boss is not the one who hired him, this boss came after my husband was hired, so he would have no clue when my husband started with the company).  He has worked at every position in the office and now it's his turn to become a manager.  I know he's ready for this job. I'm happy as he can set his own hours (no extra pay though or overtime anymore) so he can come to school functions, he and I can take an hour to meet for lunch, and he can come home earlier if his work is done.  He will still work a day on the weekend, but I enjoy having him off on the weekday he's off, so that won't be a change.  I'm really proud of him.  :-) So far 2013 is starting off nicely, let's hope it continues...........after last year, we could really use a good year.

Now, you frequently if you read blogs with any regularity, know that some of the blogs out there do a What I Wore Wednesday (I wish I could participate in this but you know, I have a mom wardrobe and while I could dress up, I really just don't want to and I have accepted that- however, I do like to look at the outfits people link to, it's kind of like a What Not To Wear - or wear as the case may be) an Instagram Friday (this one I could do but I have not found any inspiring pictures to take nor would my house be one I'd like people to see, it's small and 4 people and 5 pets have outgrown it, and I haven't been anywhere this year that would inspire me to take pics.  But I'd like to try this one), sponsored products (no one ever sends me anything because I am not ad sponsored) and to take a picture that inspires me from the week.  I like to see what other people have posted, although I have to admit I don't link up at all because I don't feel as inspired as these bloggers do.  So I read and I enjoy reading the posts.

However, I do have a few items I have been enjoying this winter, both products, tv, and clothing.  So I am gonna do a link to some of my winter favorites (just because it's a bit of fun and sometimes this blog can lean towards two very special girls and it's time for a bit of some fun stuff).

I have picked up reading in the last month and I am enjoying it. I used to be a reader who could only read in extreme quiet (because when I was single and living on my own, that is what my atmosphere - except for my cats' meowing - was) but I am learning to read while noise is going on in the background (although I do not care for it but I am trying to accept it because that is what my household is like).  So on to favorite number 1.

1.  Downton Abbey.  I am addicted, yes, I am.  I can't help it.  My friend came to visit last year, at New Years and got me started on Downton.  She and I started watching it but the kids were around (PBS was having it's marathon lead up to season 2) so I decided to DVR the rest and the start of season 2.  When my friend left, I stayed up one night to watch all of season 1 in anticipation of the start of season 2.  Now they are on to season 3 and I'm still hooked. 

So this past Sunday PBS did a special on Highclere castle, where they film Downton Abbey. I watched and became fascinated with the estate and the Earl and Countess.  So I ordered this book, based on one of the Countesses of Highclere:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0770435629/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i00

I also ordered this book as I am now fascinated by the American heiresses who came over in the early 1900's to marry the British Lords and supplied the much needed cash (dowery) to get the estates back on track (ie Downton Abbey style):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0761171959/ref=oh_details_o00_s00_i01

I have also read the books of this author, who was an actual parlor maid:
http://www.amazon.com/Below-Stairs-Inspired-Upstairs-Downstairs/dp/1250005442/ref=pd_sim_b_1

This maid definitely has the salty British humor going. 

2. Clemmentines - the orange.  I have really gotten into this sweet little citrus fruit.  My mom was eating them towards the end of her life and I have not really been an orange person but LGA likes oranges, and I always buy the small ones for the girls.  I started eating one at a meal one day and was hooked. I can't find them in the stores anymore so I think they are only in season a short while (I could look this up to add more 'facts' to this post, but I am too lazy to do that right now).

3.  Hot tea.  British black tea to be more specific.  We have a Keurig coffee maker, and I have been brewing a cup of tea in the afternoon with my lunch.  It reminds me of being back in England with my cousins and having an afternoon cup of tea. I even bought an English cucumber at the grocery store last night so I do see cucumber sandwiches in my future........yum.  And yes, I have been to the Ritz for high tea.  Loved it.

Do you see a British theme going on????  Hm....when did that start??

Now I am going to switch to a lotion that I have been really loving.  My skin since my 2004 hysterectomy operation, has been dry in the winter and sometimes the summer months. I discovered this brand when my cousin gave me a hand creme she didn't like the smell of. I was hooked and had to have some.  This product is the best lotion I have found for dry skin:

http://usa.loccitane.com/natural-beauty-products-skincare-l'occitane-en-provence-usa,82,1,28281,333753.htm?cm_mmc=Email+Newsletter-_-Week+3+Friday+Honey+Best-_-Promotional-_-Logo&utm_medium=Email+Newsletter&utm_source=Week+3+Friday+Honey+Best&utm_content=Promotional&utm_campaign=Logo

I have a problem with wool sweaters and found that some of my sweaters were a bit heavy and a lot of wool/angora, which if it's around my neck, can make me itch.  So I found these sweaters at Old Navy that I can wear a tank or tshirt under and I like them:

http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=73824&vid=1&pid=262425082

I have worn them all winter long, and I really like them. I have found Old Navy's clothing does not always hold up so I have been trying to wash them and hang them to dry to extend their life. Of course, I have loved Old Navy's fleece half zip pullovers, fleece hoodies, and fleece pullovers for years and have worn them (along with their yoga pants, yes, I like their yoga pants, even though I do not use them for yoga as they were intended) for years.

My favorite pajamas to date are these (the girls love them and say "look at mommy's monkey pjs!"):
http://www.target.com/p/nick-nora-poplin-sock-monkey-pajama-coat-set-pink-multi/-/A-11015458#prodSlot=medium_1_1&term=nick+and+nora+monkey+pjs

And my favorite boots this year:

http://www.amazon.com/BEARPAW-Womens-Emma-Short-Black/dp/B003DNR2IO/ref=sr_1_1?s=shoes&ie=UTF8&qid=1359136251&sr=1-1&keywords=bearpaws

I think the Bearpaws are much better than the Uggs that everyone is wearing.  These boots are the warmest and have kept me plenty warm this winter.

My favorite scarves to date are the infinity scarves. I recently ordered some from The Pleated Poppy:
http://shop.thepleatedpoppy.com/category/scarves

They are comfy and easy to wrap around your neck for warmth.

The products I listed above are just some of the favorites I have been using/wearing/reading this winter. 

Now on to the pet part of this update.  The girls (and Dave) desperately want a hamster.  We have been to Petsmart to look at the hamsters and even seen them up close. LGA got very upset the last time we went (as we were looking at cages and reading the pamphlets they have near the cages) as we left without a hamster.  I know who would end up cleaning it's cage (even though Dave rather begrudgingly said he would take care of cleaning/feeding it) and feeding it.  I had two hamsters growing up, Charlie and Seymour.  They fought (as they were two males) so we separated them in to two cages. They also were night animals so got out and roamed the house (till we found them hiding in the bathroom laundry hampers in the am).  We thought about it, but part of the pamphlet said that the hamsters will bite if you poke them inside their cages or tap on their cages a lot.  I know this would be hard for OCD LGA to leave it (her as we'd get a female) alone.  Also the first time it got out and ran, the cat and the dogs would chase it.  And one or two little girls would probably drop it the first time it peed or pooped (and my hamster did that to me once, GROSSSSSSSSSS) on them and then it would run and we' have to try to get it.  So we didn't do it, but they still want one. I told them that daddy and I would talk about it and decide.  We do not want a guinea pig, even though that might be the more logical choice.  However, I am sure the dogs and cat would chase a guinea pig for sure. So we will pass on that type of animal for now. I have always had pets and never had an issue saying no, but this time I pretty much said no.

The sun is out today after two days of foggy and then rain (yesterday) so I am happy.  The 49'ers are in the Super Bowl (we just need them to win and then we will have two teams that won World Series and Super Bowl) so life is good.

Enjoy your weekend, those of you still reading the blog (the few of you that there are still reading).

Homework........(edited)

We all know how hard homework can be, those of you who are parents or remember it from your school years.  Well, here at Family of 4, we are facing one little girl who does not want to do her homework. 

Part of it I attribute to the ADHD brain and not being able to focus.  Part of it is she just doesn't want to do it.  I'm having some issues as her report card came out last week (BGA) and in the section for homework, it was marked for the VERY first time ever, "Unsatisfactory." I think my jaw dropped and I was really surprised when I saw that U on her report card.

A bit of background..............BGA's teacher is a bit older, she sort of reminds me of a 'lived hard' sort of person.  I can't really describe it in more detail, but I'm sure you know what I mean.  Little details have come home with BGA about her teacher and her life, etc.  I know way more than I thought I'd know about her teacher, but I think that is what teacher's do these days, they relate their life experiences to the kids they are teaching.  At least that has been the experience here in our section of N CA and our school district. Not to say this isn't bad, but some of the life choices teachers discuss, in my child's case I really would like to be able to know ahead of time to talk to BGA about it.

SO...........you might remember that BGA's teacher was very glowing in her reports about her right before Christmas, telling me that she never gave her any problems, other than she likes to chat (and according to her report card, becomes involved in 5th grade girl drama......part of that is my fault, after listening to it and BGA not heeding any advice I gave her, I told her to talk to her teacher about it, since it was occuring at school..........so, ahem, that might be why she has that on her report card and I probably should not have given that advice).  There was a previous mention to the teacher, in a note, that asked if BGA was supposed to be doing a whole page on her reading summaries (after BGA told me that she didn't need to).  Note was answered back that teacher does not always give homework.  So I assumed when I asked BGA if she had homework (and we all know what assume can mean, don't we?  Egg on my face most definitely) she would say yes, "I need to read a book and draw a picture."  Or "No I don't have math today."  So assuming, (based on what the teacher wrote) she had no homework, we would proceed on to our afternoon.  I would make sure she did at least read a half hour, though.

Imagine my surprise when the report card comes back and says that she has a "U" for not turning in homework!  I immediately write a note asking what we can do to help her remember, stating that last year this was a VERY big issue and her teacher kept wanting her to be organized (last year's teacher was a bit milquetoast in my opinion but we dealt the best we could with it) and insisting that she MUST have an afternoon booster ADHD med to focus.  We never did get it set up for pm at school as I was not sure it was the way to go.  I have asked this year's teacher repeatedly if we need to add in the pm booster med to help her.  Teacher has not replied, but then BGA said, "I don't want to take my meds at school"and this is mainly because no one else in her class (as opposed to last year) takes meds in school.

I get the very flowery handwritten note back from the teacher.  It first tells me "don't worry."  Well, I really do not appreciate that as I'm getting to see I know more about ADHD than this teacher does and I can see we will have a battle on our hands to get what we need.  Don't get me wrong, I like this teacher and she has had a very positive impact on BGA this year for which I am extremely greatful.  BGA had to endure a new school and leaving her friends of 4 yrs behind so having a teacher that knows '5th grade' drama as well as she does, and has daughters, really has helped.  She gets BGA and I am SO glad for that this year.

The note proceeds to tell me that I should not worry about BGA and that she's "a treasure, a real prize" and "you have done a fabulous job with her."  I appreciated that very much. If you have read this blog or the previous one for any length of time you know how much we have all gone through to get where we are now. It also states that she does not know what a "pm booster" is and that she thinks we are ok for now.  Clearly we are not, but how much of a fight is this going to be?   I write back and tell her what a pm booster med is (ADHD small dose of meds given in the pm to help with focus and hyperactivity till bedtime) and thank her for her comments.

It's decided by Dave, the teacher and I, that we will put BGA on a homework contract.  So far it's working well, and she's either writing down her homework or the teacher is and signs off each day on it.  Then of course we make sure she does homework and then we sign off on it and BGA returns it.  All electronic devices have been taken away and will not be used (even though they were sparingly used, like when I needed to have peace to cook dinner and two girls were fighting, before dinner) at all until the "U" is brought up to an "S" (completely bypassing the "P" for progressing).  BGA is not happy, however, she contributed to it so there is the consequence.

But..........that being said, I am a bit peeved at the teacher.  My 80something aunt, a former 4th grade teacher, pointed out that there should have been some idea that homework was not being turned in and that there was an issue so it could be addressed before report cards came out........uh, yeah, I agree.  Why were we not told of this, so we could work on it before report cards came out?  Also this teacher has done NO parent teacher conferences at all.  So we have no idea where BGA really is, other than her grade in math also slipped (she might need a tutor) quite a bit.  Our former first grade teacher at the previous school (who previously taught 1st grade then got moved to 5th last year and BGA started out in her class till she got bumped due to the class being full) said 5th grade is when the grades start to slip, so I'm sure that and going to a new school, trying to find where she fits, friend wise, has a lot to do with it.  So we didn't say too much to her, other than we might need a tutor to bring up her math homework and she would need to bring it home and complete it.

The first part of 2013 has been working on homework each night and it's getting longer and longer, as I work with LGA on her homework (and she is doing fabulously as she got an "O" for outstanding on her homework) and BGA works with Dave on hers.  BGA, early on learned to act like she could not do homework which would frustrate us completely (when clearly she could as she would do one problem correctly and then claim she couldn't do another one just like it).  The first inkling we got was at age 6 when she could barely read and we thought we needed a tutor.  So I asked her first grade reading teacher if she felt we should sign BGA up with a tutor.  Her response?  "What???  She's the best reader I have in my class!"  So that has been the pattern, seeking out the negative attention for homework.  Dave gets frustrated because he knows when she does and doesn't know it.  Homework is a struggle.  And so to avoid the struggle, she chose not to bring her homework home.  Evidently the teacher found a few students lacking, as there are a few 5th graders on homework contracts.

Both girls are attending after school Girl Scouts on campus so one day a week I get two whole extra hours to myself, and I've been enjoying it immensely.  No having to rush back to pick BGA up (LGA gets the bus).  Last week was the first week and LGA's teacher attended with LGA and another girl and this week, LGA's 'semi' friend (they have a love hate relationship with each other, and the girl is autistic I believe) attended and the GS leader told me that they have to redirect and ask LGA to listen a lot, but that they felt it would be ok. I told them if they need me to be there to help I would, they could call me, but the leader assured me it would be ok.  LGA enjoys it so I really hope it is something we can keep her in. I know that girls in another troop won't be as kind to her so we will stick to the school troop, and the leader says she likes working with the younger kids.  I am hoping she can be a helper.  BGA enjoys it too, so I'm glad she got to go. She thought she missed the sign ups and would not get to go for the first time in 4 yrs, but the sign up sheet came home after the break and she was estatic.  I would think of putting her in another troop but I really think the school exposure is good for her and the right fit so we will stick with it.  And I really enjoy that extra two hours once a week!    The first two years BGA attended at her previous school the troop met after school, but then switched to the lunch break, which really shorted them some time.  This new school they meet after school.  They will get to sell cookies for the first time also.  I don't have vests for them, but they do earn patches (I can't remember where the patches are though..........need to find them and see about getting them vests).  I really don't want to get too involved in it, so I am really hoping it can just be a school troop for them. They do have breaks where the kids can go to a day camp when school is out, so we might do that too, now that LGA is old enough.

That is the start of our 2013 so far........homework.  The dreaded homework.  Hoping to get into a groove soon. I'm also trying to find my way in 2013 for myself, not sure where to start though.  I want to do something for myself but can't quite figure out what it is yet, but I know it's out there.

Christmas Wrap Up, IEP and Year End.........

Hello everyone,

I hope you all had a nice Christmas holiday if you celebrate it. If not, I hope you had a peaceful day with family/friends.

I realize there haven't been many posts on this blog as of late, but I have to admit it has been a hard year.  I was reminded of how hard it has been when a disagreement with a best friend came to light on Facebook and I was reminded that when I posted a few 'positive' posts that people noted it was nice to see them. I am sorry if there have been some 'downer' posts, but I can't explain how hard it has been this year.  Losing my mom was losing my best friend and I just miss her very much.  Then losing my 2nd mother, my English cousin, 4 mos later has been hard.  Dave has had some health challenges this summer and end of year that have been eye opening for him and while manageable, also hard for me in light of everything else going on. I have not shared that here or on FB, but it's made for a challenging year.  I will be very glad to see the end of 2012 and will be toasting the heck out of 2013.  :-)  Thank you all for the support over the last year, I really have appreciated all the support I have received here, personally and on FB.

We had a great end of year for the girls this month.  I got to go hear BGA's class sing The 12 Horrible Days of Christmas on the last day of school before break.  She called me to tell me there was an asembly and would I come. I had no idea there was one.  She finished off her call with "I love you Mommy" twice to make sure I got the point.  I noticed though that she didn't cling to me this time and while she wanted me there, she didn't want me to interact unless she initiated it. She's growing up! Her class sat near where I stood (no seats as I got there late because of a train stopped on tracks).  It was hilarious and her class wrote it with the teacher, then performed it (the teacher also is a performer, I believe she sings with a group).  It was hilarious and the entire assembly was great as I watched the teachers participating from singing and dancing, etc.  It was great to see how enthusiastic they all were and what a great choice in this new school that we made.  The only remark that her teacher made was that she is not giving her any trouble other than, "she likes to chat."  I told the teacher, "Oh, she's just like her mama."  LOL.  But it was nice to hear this from the teacher. It made the previous 4 years worth it.  The teacher told us at Back To School Night, that she can see her really trying not to get in the middle of stuff with other kids. That's such a huge improvement for her. It makes me feel very proud of who she is becoming. I see that redhaired temper appear sometimes but for the most part I see her trying harder to keep the peace with her sister, rather than blowing up at her. I only see her when she is just beyond frustrated, getting mad and yelling at LGA. I've been told that she helps LGA at school a lot (even though she has denied it) and LGA's teacher's husband, who is a sub and has subbed in both LGA's class and BGA's (and he refused to go back to BGA's class) told me that BGA was the only one who did not give him any trouble and was a great kid to have in class.  This also makes me proud.  BGA used to be in the middle of anything that went on and I am sure that she was loud and hyper when there was a sub as one of the subs in her class last year told her the equivalent of "shut up" in Spanish not realizing she knew what it meant.  The principal refused to handle it when I complained and I did complain. I even told the principal I realized that she could be hyper and probably was a handful, but the sub did not need to tell her to "shut up" and that there were many other ways to have gotten her to behave.

LGA finished the year on a high note as well.  We had her IEP the Monday before school ended.  It is always a bit unnerving to go in to meet with the teacher, speech teacher and a 'member' of the staff (this can usually be the prinicpal, vice if they have one, or the counselor).  I am not sure our school has a counselor, but has a principal (woman) and vice (very YOUNG 30ish woman).  The principal chose to sit in on the meeting and we had it in her office. I believe the principal is either younger than me by 3 or so years or she is my age.  She was very nice, very involved, and I got a great feeling from her.  I love LGA's teacher, love, love, love this woman.  She's got over 20 yrs experience, appears to be in her 60's, and is a great teacher.  She led the IEP, very professionally, and had great strategies for teaching LGA, said she was making progress and gave us tips on how to work with her.  The principal wants to set up her mentoring program and will have an older kid mentor LGA which we did at her other school.  BUT.......she wants to inspire some confidence in LGA so will possibly have LGA mentor a kinder student since LGA gets along well with the younger kids.  She was very involved in the meeting and didn't just sit there like the previous principa did at the old school.  The speech teacher is also an older woman, and she looks to be in her 60's as well.  However, for the first time, she had actual goals for LGA and will give us words to work on with her.  This has NEVER happened as the only times we asked to help or said we were working on words with her we were told to stop because she wouldn't respond and we'd be doing more damage than good for her.  WTH??  This teacher said 'no, we are going to work on words and she will have homework. I have goals for her.'  She also told me how much LGA is bonded to me by the way she talks about me all the time.  That made me feel good.  I think Dave and I felt for the first time since we started having IEP's for LGA (in kinder, she's now in adjusted special ed day class, exposed to 3rd grade level at times) that this was the very first positive one where we felt we were supported and our child was succeeding. LGA has taken a jump this year, reading small sentences, and spelling, some double digit math (although math continues to be hard for her to grasp) and just overall doing well.  The teacher has gotten to know her, really likes her (we had this last year when she started mainstream 2nd before we moved her and her teacher there, an older male, really liked her and was sad when she left to go to special ed day class), said she's a pleasure to have in class and really knows how to get the best out of her.  She's been very supportive to me as well, given me strategies to work with her at home, and we've seen a decrease of physical use when she's frustrated as her words have increased, and as her teacher now has her draw out her frustrations and works with the kids when they have issues. I have seen her more happier, and not as many issues.  We also had a very good conversation on Christmas eve, where she talked patiently, sounded out her words and didn't throw a fit if I couldn't understand her because I could....she took her time.  Now when we help her with a word she can repeat it back and I see her trying hard to learn words.  She was happy on Christmas eve, she was into her little tree in her room and singing the Christmas music (she's SO disappointed it's over on the all day Christmas music radio station on her radio in her room).  It was a nice day.  I couldn't believe the change. I know she's growing up but she still is 2 yrs behind emotionally.  It was nice to see a glimpse of a more 8 yr old LGA that day. I treasure that moment. She seems to be making great progress and I'm very thankful for the support we have school wise, as I know that is not always the case.  I read over part of her IEP and for 2010 it was very depressing.  The current IEP was the best we've had. She's making progress. I will take it.  The teen years may be hard for her, but after 4 yrs of struggles, I think with both girls, I will take this lull and enjoy it. 

Christmas Eve was nice, we went out to breakfast and the girls always enjoy doing that.  We ran some errands at Petsmart and Target (LGA has grown shoe and clothes size and some of her clothes do not fit. She had a pair of boots on that were 12 1/2 that she evidently wore last year but now she's in size 1, so she needed new boots, perfect as we had to brave Target for some supplies needed there). She got a pair of pink sparklys (that Dave fought me on saying they were not practical, but she loves them and EVERY girl needs a pair of pink sparklys.  If they'd been in my size I would have gotten a pair too!) and a pair of silver style ugg boots. I still want her to have a black pair of dressier boots but didn't find any.  We then stopped at the store and got deli meats, rolls, chips, cheeses, salami and pepperoni trays and stuff for Christmas breakfast.  We ate lunch with the salami and pepperoni tray then had sandwiches, diet root beer, and sweet nibbles for dinner. I wanted to get some moose munch (from Harry and David. We love the stuff) as Ross had it so I went back out (and had a bit of time to myself) but unfortunately Ross sold out of it.  I came home after a nice little break, and we finished off the night watching A Christmas Story on TBS.   It was just the 4 of us and it was quiet, but very nice.

Christmas day was quiet but fun.  It was very rainy and bone chillingly cold here.  We opened presents (and they slept in till 8, what a nice present for Dave and I) and then we all got ready and they played with their presents and when it was time - late afternoon - we went for dinner at Marie Callendars.  It wasn't the best meal there for the price, but it was nice to go out to a meal instead of cooking as we have in years past.  I didn't feel like cooking and neither did Dave. But it felt great to go out. I really wanted to see a movie, but no one wanted to go.  I thought that would have been a great day out to see a movie.  An older woman commented on LGA's new shiny pink ugg style boots at dinner.  She beamed.  She behaved well for the most part at dinner. We then came home and watched some tv, and then bed for the girls.  I was very cold and appear to have a mild cold. I knew I was getting a bit sick as I just couldn't seem to get warm on Christmas Day and felt cold all day long. 

Dave had Sunday, Christmas eve and Christmas day off.  He will have the same for New Years and the girls go back to school on 1/7.  He took 1/3 off (couldn't convince him to take off 1/2) so it will be a nice week next week as well. If the rain goes away we might be able to take a day trip or two.  We're staying in this week, and so far they are doing well. Minimal fights.  Temps are cold - upper 40's to low 50's, and rain has ended but expected back for the weekend.I'm resting as I don't feel well.  Laundry to be done, house needs to REALLY be done, but I have no energy so it will have to wait.  I'm thinking if I feel better at the weekend I will enlist two helpers to get it done.  ;-)

I took no pictures and on Christmas day during presents BGA said, "mom aren't you going to take pics?"  No, I just didn't feel like it. I think this year is the year with mostly phone photos and no real photos taken.  I guess we'll look back on that later, but I just wasn't in a mood to get out the camera and take any pics. I thought of taking a family pic before dinner, but couldn't get anyone to do what we needed (LGA has a hard time with transitions and putting up her electronic game was not easy for her) so we just barely got out the door.  I feel like I'm missing recording part of their childhood, but that's ok. I'm just gonna go with it. Maybe next year I will pick up the camera again and feel more like recording their events.  And that's ok too. I survived the first Christmas without my mom and it was nice and just the Christmas I needed this year.  Here's to a great 2013. I will be toasting the arrival of this new year wholeheartedly.

Be safe out there friends and enjoy the rest of your 2012.  Thoughts for you all of a wonderful 2013 filled with lots of special memories.

We Had A Quiet Thanksgiving......Thankgiving Recap.

We had a nice quiet Thanksgiving holiday.  The girls have been off all week. I was NOT sure how that was going to go, because if you have been reading this blog, in the past, you know that holidays are not great here at Family of 4.  We have had our share of holidays where there was grieving, acting out, fits, tantrums, etc.  We would just count down the hours for the holidays to be over. 

Last year, our holidays were pretty good, and there were just a few issues here and there.  I thought, "well, I can certainly take that, it's an improvement over previous holidays."  This year, my mother was not with us, but I tried to downplay that and was able to get through the day with no crying.  I did not do very well this am, but it was short and brief and I just got through it, which is what I have been reading you have to do. But this am was the first time I had to send LGA to time out as she just would not listen, ignored me when I asked her to do something, put the dog's food on the living room floor (digging in their food bowls) so now the dogs think they must drag their food onto the carpet.  Ugh.  But she went to time out, did her time out and has turned it around.  I got straight to the point and told her if she didn't behave no movie today.  She turned it around.

On Wed before Thanksgiving I decided to go get my flu shot.  We weren't cooking and decided on a Marie Callendar's turkey breast, mashed potatoes (I hate making them but like to eat them) and pie.  I also got a very small 3lb ham because the girls really like it (Dave doesn't) and I don't mind it but prefer turkey.  It was nice to have both though.  So......decided to get my flu shot and when I found out (at Walgreens) that I had no co-pay, I decided to get the pneumonia shot as I was a preemie and colds settle heavily in my chest sometimes. 

A cute thing happened while getting the flu shot.  The pharmacist came out with the flu and pneumonia shots and the girls got visibly squirrely.  The pharmacist I am sure, is used to this, so he said, "who is next?"  They got even more squirrely, and I told him they'd had their flu shots already.  So then he said, "ok girls, you can hold your mom's hand if you want to."  Two girls immediately grabbed my hands and squeezed them.  They even said I should have an extra treat cause I had two shots!  LOL.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving day. I had the first ever (in my case) reaction to the flu shot.  Seriously I have NEVER had a reaction.  I have even had the pneumonia shot and flu shot 5 yrs ago (when I last had the two of them together as the pneumonia shot you only need to have once every 5 years) and did not have a reaction.  But this day I did. I had a mild version of the flu that I still feel (and my arm is sort of rashy at the injection site, also never had before) today, although not as bad as Thanksgiving day and the day after.  Dave worked all week, and had to be at work at 7, so I was up early to get my shower in and ready before he left.  So I was already tired.  I literally felt achy and my injection site hurt.  I just didn't feel like moving.  We all put sweats on and stayed in.  I got some of the small prep done and put out the stuff we'd need, and evidently took a 2 hr nap.  When I woke up Dave was heating up the turkey and made the glaze for the ham following the recipe I found and had laying on the table.  I helped him finish the rest of the meal and then we had a nice meal. I even did the dishes.  Poor LGA was hopped up hyper though and just physically could not sit still.  She tried but she just could not make it.  So bedtime followed and she did manage to crash an hour after bedtime.  But the thing I notice about this week off is she has been sleeping in till 7 or sometimes 8.  She was doing this last year but then this year with an early bus and summer, she was up at 6 sometimes before 6.  We will need to replace her black out curtains as they are pink and when the sun comes up it shines in on her room and it causes a pink glow.  Not the blackout that she needs so will need to go with a darker color.  I do believe it's time to update her room and get rid of the Disney princess theme as I think she's outgrowing it. She's had it for 3 1/2 yrs. She's growing up too.  We got rid of all the babydolls in her room last weekend.  :-(  Sigh.  My baby no longer wants to play with baby dolls.

Yesterday I felt pretty off and achy also.  We stayed in and the girls got to decorate their purple 2 inch Christmas trees. OH what fun they had.  I have no pictures as I am a slacker mom on photography lately. I have phone pics but have not figured out how to post them without them being thumbnail size.  They loved it. I put the lights on then let each girl decorate (thanks Target $1 decorations).  They had ornaments they'd made in school, they had cute little ornaments, etc.  They had a blast.  They wanted Daddy to see when he came home and couldn't wait for him to see their trees.  It was fun.  So far no one is messing with them either. I said during the day they could adjust ornaments, but once night time came it was bedtime and no playing with ornaments (which I wondered if LGA would do, since she's my OCD girl, but so far she has not touched her tree).  It was fun and while they wanted bigger trees I told them we'd see how they did this year and if all went well we'd maybe buy them larger trees (and they want pink, LOL).

I still feel achy (but each day better) today.  Wow, yuck, don't like flu reactions. It's messing me up.   Go away flu reaction.

SO I'd say that this holiday was a success, we laughed and joked at the table.  The meal was simple, as BGA likes it and she ate all of it (I made plain stove top and just added sauteed onion and celery and instead of water used chicken broth.  BGA hates stuffing and ate it all).  We had chocolate cream pie for dessert and that was a huge hit (my girls are not really pie eaters).  No one threw a fit or tantrum, it was great.  I hope it continues on for Christmas, however, Christmas is much more amped up, so I'm not going to hold out hope, but it was nice to have a good meal and no one got upset or threw a fit.  Come to think of it, Dave, Ariana and myself all had birthdays lately and they went well too.  I enjoyed having the girls home and they really as I said (hope I don't jinx myself for tomorrow!!!) behaved well all week long.  Today was the first time out all week.  And LGA turned it around. It's not always that way, but I am starting to see a connection (the school had a school wide program on behavior and what to do before you act, etc.) for LGA and that sometimes she can turn it around.  We have learned some coping skills and how to work with her to turn around her behavior and help her work through when she's upset, so I'm seeing some progress, which makes me happy.  It's still ongoing and it's still hard a lot of the time, but some progress is good.

Hope you all had wonderful holidays with your friends, family, or whoever you spent it with.  Thanksgiving 2012, was a nice, quiet one for us and other than really not feeling very well, it was a great holiday.  Who would ever have thought that we would get to this point and enjoy a holiday?  Nice.  :-)

My Girl is 11............

Where did the time go???  BGA turned 11 yesterday.

I remember when she came home, at 6 yrs old.  She was scared, she didn't trust anyone, she wanted to be in control, she had so many emotions.

This year I have seen her grow a bit.  She started a new school, and had to leave her friends behind, the friends she developed, good or bad, over the last 4 yrs.  She didn't want to do it.  She found a friend at the new school and for some reason this year some of her confidence began to show. She is taking violin lessons and she is Seargant At Arms on the class council (she helps at awards assemblies and carries the flag during assemblies, complete with a class council t'shirt that she's very proud of).  She is wanting to be part of more activites at school.  She has the confidence to lead (she's always wanted to be the leader but would shy away from anything that was performance related).  Her school work has slipped, but we are allowing for that and trying to get her back on track.

I have seen her give in a bit more to her sister as well.  She used to not give in and there would be fights that would break out between the two sisters.  Now I see her give in more and I see a more compassionate side to her. 

We celebrated her birthday yesterday by going to her favorite buffet style restaurant, and then coming back for presents and cake.  She is getting out of the more toy style of presents and more into the 'tween/teen' presents. I am sad to see the toy part go (ie Barbies) but looking forward to buying more teen styles and shopping with her, as that was something my mother and I always enjoyed.  I gave her the first pair of tiny gold hoops and she loved them.  Wanted to wear them to school, but had to say no on that one.  I told her she can wear them next week when there is no school.

I am enjoying more conversations with her also on the ride back from school to home.  She shares her days with me, which is a plus.  In her other school she would just tell me her day was 'ok' and that would be it. I'm encouraging her to share more with me, actually both girls are doing it.  I am so glad LGA is doing it.  It is creating less tantrums after school, although there are still some fits/tantrums there if she's had a bad day.  She keeps it all in, then lets it all out at home where she feels safe to do so.  Some days it's hard, as I have to brace myself for it.  But as the girls are getting older, I am seeing more sharing, more older kid stuff rather than younger kid toys, behaviors, etc.  LGA still, due to her issues, has some younger than her age behavior, but I am seeing some more 8 yr old behavior coming in, and I have to say, I am enjoying this stage more than the younger behaviors.  I know this is a lull, though, when the teen years hit, it will all disappear. But at this time in my life, I am enjoying this time with them and they are comforting me (and frustrating me at times, as well, as all kids do).

I am proud of where BGA has come from and how much growth she has had in the last 4 1/2 years.  We had a pretty stress free birthday, and she did very well, behaviorwise.  There weren't any fits or pouts at all. That's a good birthday for us.  She is a totally different kid then the one who came to live with us.  That's not to say she doesn't have her own issues but there is growth and that is important.

I am looking forward to the girls being off a week from school next week, and I think there will be some crafts and movies (it's supposed to rain all week) in our week off.  We added our 4th dog, another Cavalier, (who will be our therapy dog, hopefully, once I get her trained) in Oct.  A young 1 1/2 yr old very small (for a Cavalier) dog.  We had to drive two hours to get her in the foothillls.  There were pine cones that we brought home (left in the garage in case any bugs were on them) so hoping to do the glue and glitter craft with the girls so we can put them on the mantel this year. I brought a few of my mother's Christmas decorations back with me (I have very few, other than tree and ornaments as I never really was able to afford to buy any decorations each year) so am looking forward to decorating a bit this year.  The girls have their own small Christmas trees to put in their rooms, so I just have to find some lights to put on them and they will be (courtesy of Target's $1 decorations, that I don't care if they get broken) able to decorate their own bedroom trees this year.  We will see how that goes, but I'm going to let them do it.

One thing I learned this week...........if you use Melatonin as a sleep aide for your child, not to go down a dose.  Poor LGA has not been able to sleep, was up 2 1/2 hours PAST her bedtime, talking loud, getting up out of her bed, etc.  It was a nightmare, she was tired and cranky and acting out and we were wishing she'd go to sleep as we needed her to be in bed by the time she went to bed.  Her teacher noticed and had a chat with me on Tuesday about her excessive talking.  She was napping on the bus, so once she gets a nap she would not go to sleep easily.  We finally got a 1mg pill to add to make her regular dose and she was asleep about 40 mins past her bedtime, but I allowed for that as it was BGA's birthday.  I hope that means we are back to our regularly scheduled bedtime.  Wow.  We have enough issues with her waking a couple of times a night, we do not need the issue of getting her to sleep as well.  Now I wish she would sleep in, at least as she sometimes can, till 7.  Getting up at the crack of dawn at 6 is not fun.

Hope you are all enjoying the week before Thanksgiving.  It was fun having BGA's bday this week.  I still need to go food shopping and I'm not looking forward to that. I hate grocery shopping, the picking of the items, putting them on the conveyer, loading and unloading and putting away. If I time it right I usually have Dave to help me.  We will see how that goes. Glad to have two little helpers though, they bring in the bags too which helps.  I just have to make sure I don't give them anything that can get damaged, eggs, sparkling water, that someone thinks is fun to shake up so when you open the bottle it sprays everywhere. I'm not speaking from personal experience, no.........