Wow, where did the year go? It seems like it just flew by. Summer is coming and our 5 yr anniversary of when the girls came home is fast approaching. I can't believe it's been almost 5 yrs already.
This month also marks the 5th year that we have known the girls. We first met them at a foster to adopt picnic, this month. I went back to my old blog and it shows we accepted the girls at our disclosure meeting on 5/31. But we had met them a couple of weeks previously. My mother had fallen and I had to go down to S CA to take care of her for a week so we were delayed on accepting them at our disclosure meeting. Hard to believe it was 5 yrs ago. We started our visits in June and brought the girls home at the end of June. It's sort of bittersweet as this is the month we met the girls, accepted their referral. It's also the month my mother was born in and the month she died in. So May is bittersweet.
The girls have some end of year activities going on too. LGA got invited to a classmate's party but I need to see if I should go with her because her whole class got invited and she has some issues with some of the boys, I don't know if I trust her to go on her own, but the mom included her phone number on the invite so I will call and ask. LGA's excited. We don't have too many birthday invites in our house, so this is great, both LGA and BGA got invites to parties this year. That way it makes it equal (because it must always be equal. LGA got to go to a movie and dinner while BGA was at her party, BGA won't get that because it's on a weekday, but LGA still talks about BGA going to a party and she didn't get to....well now she does get to go to a party).
Both girls have taken Girl Scouts after school on the school campus. They started in January and finish in June. This was wonderful for me as it allowed me to have two extra hours before I had to pick them up and they enjoyed going. BGA has gone since she came to live with us in first grade. She really enjoys it. I tried to get her into a troop when she went to a GS camp on one of the school breaks but the leader never called me back to help me get her into a troop. I wanted a troop that she could fit into easily. But at that time she was still having issues with the girls at the old school so I think she wouldn't have fit in so easily and the leader did not call me back to help me set it up. This campus GS sold cookies this year too and they enjoyed it. They brought home a notice that they will get awards on the last session of GS and inviting the parents to come to their assembly. That will be fun.
I have to say switching schools this year was a good choice for both girls. The school is still not in a great area (as was the previous school) so there are still issues. BGA's class teacher was brought in specifically to teach this class and she told me about a month ago that it's been a very tough class. She wanted to get BGA into magnet, telling me that felt that was a better chance for BGA. BGA's grades have certainly come up enough for her to probably do it. But we have had a positive experience school wise this year. The girls have made progress, both of them, so it's been a much better experience. I don't know what next year will bring, as both girls had excellent teachers and I'm not sure that will be the case next year. They have shown what a positive teacher can do to encourage them and they have both taken off. In the past we have also seen issues arise when they have not had a positive teacher to influence them and they have had a difficult year. BGA did have a semi hard year as she reverted back to some old habits when first starting in her new school and missing some of her friends/teachers from the old school. Her grades slipped and she lied about homework. But once she turned it around, she had the best report card she's ever had. Seriously. I think Dave and I were in shock. We'll see how she finishes out the year, and if she can maintain that report card. However, she brought her grades up to where they were last year so we aren't going to care too much if she slips a bit, because she did show she can do it. She has had a few instances of kids bullying her, but I feel the teacher and the principal handled it well. I just wish that they had involved us. We didn't find out (well Dave found out first but it was when my back was out and I just wasn't able to concentrate on what was going on) till later how it all went down and how they handled it. Also one thing we will need to work on with BGA is how to have her accept and be deserving of the proud moments. We didn't find out about a special thing she had happen to her, till a couple of months later. For some reason she didn't feel deserving and she tried to pass of not telling us by saying she thought we'd be upset she rode in a limo (SO not true, but in our defence we have been working on strangers and what not to do when a stranger approaches you, etc. so she thought that riding in a limo with the principal might upset us. We then had to have another conversation about teachers, principals, and what is/isn't acceptable behavior. Guess we weren't clear enough) with the principal for scoring 100% on TEN spelling tests in a row!! We were proud. But she admitted rather tearfully that she didn't feel she deserved it, so now we are concentrating on being happy and feeling deserving when something good happens. It's sad to see how fast our kids can sabatoge something and not feel deserving of it no matter how much we try to encourage them. This is something I imagine will get worse with puberty, so we are working on it now.
LGA has learned to read. Her school psychologist said at about 3rd grade she might just 'take' off in learning and that has been the case here. She will probably be due to be re-tested next year (and we have yet to meet her school district contact or the school psychologist). But her teacher this year was an older woman who with her husband, has 3 adult kids and grand kids and has fostered over the years. She knew just how to inspire LGA. I think LGA has had the best year she's EVER had. I have read where some people on the FASD FB group have said they want to keep their kids in mainstream classes, but LGA suffered. Her speech issues and her lack of maturity was hard on her. We saw more physical issues (hitting, throwing bark, etc.) in mainstream than we have seen this year. Putting her in special ed day class did show some regression (there were some downs/autistic kids in her class) but for the most part it's been a good decision. If she were to catch up she could go back to mainstream, but maturity wise I'd rather keep her in special ed day. I think the kids were harder on her this year, the mainstream. She was teased, she had someone put a 'loser' sign on her back (when we had the IEP we brought it up to the principal, who was not happy about that) and she was a bit miserable. However, within her class she had a couple of kids she played with and seemed to do much better in her class. So we'll keep her in special ed day. She will as I mentioned previously, go to summer school (and some of her buddies go too, so she is not alone. She might even get to see her friend E, who has downs and who she went to school with last year and misses, as E goes to another school). Her teacher this year will have all the kids go to the new classroom, meet the teacher and spend some time there so they are comfortable with the teacher and class.
The girls have come a long way over 5 yrs. And it's hard to believe we met them 5 yrs ago this month. When we met them it was at a foster to adopt picnic. The girls were not into it, I don't even know if they knew why they were there. We went and since we'd signed up with an agency, we had to participate in crafts and games with the kids. We were specifically meant to hang out with our girls, but they were very popular and all the prospective parents were trying to get their attention and hang out with them (ignoring the kids who really wanted someone to play with them. This really annoyed me as I felt that the PAP were just going to whatever kids looked the best and trying to interact with them). We were then reprimanded a bit as we didn't make any effort to hang out with the girls as we tried to fulfill the games/crafts we'd signed up for. The social worker from the county found our agency and then had our agency rep tell us to go spend time with the girls. I remember the first thing BGA asked for - a soda (which we do not have very much of in our house). When Dave was not fast enough in getting it to her, she said, "I want it NOW!" Ha. That should have been our first sign there of what was to come. LGA was just delightful and we fell in love with her instantly (ignoring the FASD we'd been told about). We spent about 30 mins with the girls before their foster mother came to pick them up. I didn't know much about attachment then, and when I heard BGA run screaming to the foster mother and say, "MOMMY!" I thought nothing of it. It was only when I talked to our agency SW and he explained about attachment, did I wonder.......would that be what she would try to call us, even though she would not know us very well? She did, but that's for another blog post.
We were smitten (or as smitten as you could be not really knowing the girls. We took a few mins to discuss the girls before deciding to go forward). We went with another "ducky" who was looking for her child and had driven a long way to go to this picnic. We went to an early dinner with her and talked about the girls with her, trying to temper our excitement but excited none the less. We met the worker for the girls at the picnic and we liked her immediately. We were lucky as both our SW turned out to be great and I leaned on them a lot in the first 13 mos before we finalized. I came to find out that was not the norm, but I am glad for that experience with them. Our county worker was older and may have retired by now, but she was a great 'mother' figure and while the girls didn't completely warm up to her like they did our agency worker, she was a great help to me in the months before we finalized. We decided to move forward and awaited our disclosure meeting. Unfortunately my mother fell and we had to delay the meeting a week or so because I went down to take care of mom. I was torn (as I would be from that time going forward) as my mom needed help and it was becoming apparent she could not manage on her own, even with my brother (who just thought she needed to get moving more and could never accept her deterioration) living with her at the time (which presented it's own set of problems because they did not get along very well). I was excited and nervous and taking care of my mother. I remember leaving her house to come home and being excited about our disclosure meeting for the girls. I had to wait another week for us to go to the meeting, and I thought I was not going to make it in anticipation.
On disclosure day (this is the meeting where you go to SW office and he/she will 'disclose' what they know about the child/ren and go over what they can/cannot show you in their files and you either agree to move forward or decline) we brought our agency SW with us as he didn't want to drive on his own and our house was on the way to the SW office. It made it hard to make small talk, but it did help on the way back as we were able to discuss the issues, pros/cons, etc. We (I) made a fast decision to accept the referral. Dave agreed. We moved forward. We were going to be parents! It was very surreal. It didn't feel real at all. We set about telling everyone and were scheduled for our first visit a week after disclosure (another blog post). It happened fast (as Heather and Rachel warned me it would).
So, 5 yrs later, I am a mom, doing mom stuff, parenting two girls and life as I knew it changed forever 5 yrs ago.
We will get through the end of school year but for some reason I think if the girls get awards for school I am going to be a bit emotional this year. I'm really feeling it this year.
I will write another post about the visits we had with the girls. But for now, I'm being a bit sentimental on our 5 yrs of knowing the girls anniversary.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
Chores and Kids............and Mother's Day Part Deux
I had a whole post that I wanted to write about the growth of the girls, but I'm shelving it till next month, as that is our 5 yr anniversary of the girls being home.
But I did want to update you on Mother's Day weekend (in case you were wondering). It went well. Friday tulips (my fave flower) and a card were delivered to me. LGA brought some lovely artifical flowers in a homemade box with a cute ribbon and her pic on it. That started a war when BGA had wanted a dollar from Dave, who didn't understand what she wanted it for, to bring me a chocolate covered pretzel the school was selling. This is the first year that she hasn't made me anything as her teacher was sick this year and she was disappointed. She well made up for it in hugs and kisses this weekend, so I'll take those any day. :-)
We went to our favorite italian place for dinner and then to ice cream after, on Sat night after Dave got off work (late, we had a late dinner, and you could tell LGA was running out of steam). Sunday, we just hung around the house. My back was still bothering me and so we just hung out as a family, Dave put together a new book shelf (ours buckled and fell down when it was moved for flooring) and hung a couple of pics for me. We had Togos sandwiches for lunch and then we did Applebees takeout. The girls and I ordered ribs and kidded each other about the sauce on our fingers and faces, but we dug in. Applebees has dessert shooters so we had those for dessert. The kids split an adult plate of ribs, they are very much into wanting to skip the kids meals, but BGA only eats enough for the kids meal. If you get her an adult meal she can't finish, so we've been finding ways of them splitting plates when we go out. It was a nice day and very low key, which was nice. LGA came home with a small canvas bag yesterday that had glitter on it and said, "I (insert a heart here) you Mom." SO cool.
Now on to the chores part. I have resisted a few years in getting the girls going on chores. I really needed to do all of them for the bonding and attachment to happen, but now as of last year when my mom died and the girls came with me to her house to pack it all up, they had to do stuff to help me out. There were days we didn't have anyone helping and I had to have them help me. So I started having them do a few things on their own over the last year till we started amping up what chores they did in Jan. The reason I am writing this today is I saw an article from Empowering Parents about parents doing everything for their kids. I have never really done that, well, I did it first few years, but then gradually backed off, when I saw BGA throw her backpack at me after school and say, "here mom." Right there and then I decided things were going to change. So over the last couple of years, they have been responsible for their stuff. OCD LGA is very good about this, BGA not so much. She has jackets on the floor, shoes thrown everywhere, pjs' on the floor, etc. So once LGA moved out, I started going through her room each day and telling her what needed to be picked up and making her spend a few moments to do it. She hates it, but she does it.
We did a list of chores for the girls, and they were able to do them pretty easily. They like doing chores for some reason, they have always wanted to help. So why not take advantage of that? Some kids hate doing stuff like this, but mine do for some reason.
The girls list of chores included:
BGA
Clean bathroom (I do the inside of the toilet, she does sink, counter, mirror, toilet and wipes down tub)
Keep room clean (ie pick up stuff off floor, etc.)
Feed pets (girls alternate)
Do dishes
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
LGA
Keep room clean
Wipe table down after meals
Feed Pets
Swiffer the laminate floors
Use the pet cleaner tool to get pet hair off the furniture (she loves this)
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
Water plants
These chores have worked well for them. When I was in bed, they brought me meals and my water bottle, etc. I was really proud of how they helped. If I sat in a chair they'd bring me pillows to help prop me up. BGA brought her bed pillow that my mom had and she got when we cleared out mom's house. She said I needed it and should use it. She was right. :-) Dave and the girls really took care of me and the house and I know it was hard, and sometimes it was hard for them to see me in pain, but they did a great job.
I'm really proud of how the girls are helping and in the maturity I see with them. There are still issues and one I really want to write about for BGA, but am not sure of the words yet. It's not always smooth sailing, they fight A LOT, they whine, they throw fits/tantrums, etc. It's very hard some days, and some days I want to pound my head against a wall. But maturity has come for them as well, and I find myself in awe of the girls they are now, versus how they were at 4 and 6 when they came home. I love that they are at a stage that we can go places and do things and for the most part (with the exception of LGA who still throws fits/tantrums) we can have a good time together. I see the humor they have (they both have good senses of humor), and how much fun it is to shop with them now, they have ideas of what they want to wear (versus just saying, "yeah, that's fine. Ok." That used to frustrate me no end so I'd just pick their stuff for them). They're funny and sweet, and frustrating all in one. But now that I can devote my full attention to them and am not torn between my mother and my brother, I am enjoying the time we have. I really had a hard time with them over the years and was frustrated a lot. To hear LGA say when asked to do something, "Ok mama" just makes ALL the difference to me. She still has a hard time transitioning between activities, but she's getting better. I know to warn her ahead of time and to make sure she knows when it's time to pick up the play stuff, and to tell her how much time is left, etc. It doesn't always work and she will tantrum/fit to the point I have to send her to calm down in time out, and those are the hard days. But I am learning what her triggers are and how to prevent the fit (if I can, it does not always work) and that has made a big difference in behavior for her.
Summer has been hard in the past for me because of the fits/tantrums LGA throws but I am learning to let her know what the activities for the day are (and we are thinking of getting a white board to write what will be happening each day). I'm hoping this year with the addition of the backyard and hopefully a backyard med sized pool to put on the concrete slab, that they will be able to have stuff to do, that maybe they can do some painting out there, some sidewalk chalk, etc. That we can be outside and not just sitting inside (because at 100+ temps sometimes that's all you can do, is to sit inside. My small house is not set up for crafting, etc.). I'm hoping we can do swimming lessons (we're still working on it, the girls have had a hard time mastering swimming but they enjoy the lessons) this year and BGA expressed an interest in cheer/gymnastics, so we'll see how that goes.
The girls have 12 days left of school (where HAS the year gone??) so these things are on my mind for the summer. Luckily it is a 2 mos break so it will be easier than a 3 mos break. 1 mo LGA will be in summer school so BGA and I will have mornings together. She needs some one on one time with us (Dave will be home one day on the weekday as it's his day off) and somehow will need to make it up to LGA as she was quite disappointed to know she has to go to summer school (it was recommended on her IEP and I find when she doesn't have a break in school work, she retains more and goes into the school year easier). There is some debate always about whether or not special needs kids should take the summer off, but I find with LGA, when she's had summers off and has to start up school again, she gets anxious, sometimes has been defiant and has a harder transition. So we set her up for summer school last year and it was a good decision for her. She went for one month then had a month off. It worked out well.
Chores are all part of growing up, and I do not want them to think I will do everything for them. I think I started at age 10 when I did chores, and mine were much more involved (dishes, vacuuming, dusting, ironing). I did do the feeding of pets, cleaning the bathroom I shared with my brother, watering plants, etc. So I am glad for the help, and glad to see they are completing chores. I wait for the day (as happened to me..........I hate house cleaning, and I would wait till the last minute before my mom walked in the door to complete my chores) that they don't want to do them or wait till the last minute to do them. I know it's coming.......but for now I'll just enjoy the extra help and I will be sure to praise their accomplishments. :-)
But I did want to update you on Mother's Day weekend (in case you were wondering). It went well. Friday tulips (my fave flower) and a card were delivered to me. LGA brought some lovely artifical flowers in a homemade box with a cute ribbon and her pic on it. That started a war when BGA had wanted a dollar from Dave, who didn't understand what she wanted it for, to bring me a chocolate covered pretzel the school was selling. This is the first year that she hasn't made me anything as her teacher was sick this year and she was disappointed. She well made up for it in hugs and kisses this weekend, so I'll take those any day. :-)
We went to our favorite italian place for dinner and then to ice cream after, on Sat night after Dave got off work (late, we had a late dinner, and you could tell LGA was running out of steam). Sunday, we just hung around the house. My back was still bothering me and so we just hung out as a family, Dave put together a new book shelf (ours buckled and fell down when it was moved for flooring) and hung a couple of pics for me. We had Togos sandwiches for lunch and then we did Applebees takeout. The girls and I ordered ribs and kidded each other about the sauce on our fingers and faces, but we dug in. Applebees has dessert shooters so we had those for dessert. The kids split an adult plate of ribs, they are very much into wanting to skip the kids meals, but BGA only eats enough for the kids meal. If you get her an adult meal she can't finish, so we've been finding ways of them splitting plates when we go out. It was a nice day and very low key, which was nice. LGA came home with a small canvas bag yesterday that had glitter on it and said, "I (insert a heart here) you Mom." SO cool.
Now on to the chores part. I have resisted a few years in getting the girls going on chores. I really needed to do all of them for the bonding and attachment to happen, but now as of last year when my mom died and the girls came with me to her house to pack it all up, they had to do stuff to help me out. There were days we didn't have anyone helping and I had to have them help me. So I started having them do a few things on their own over the last year till we started amping up what chores they did in Jan. The reason I am writing this today is I saw an article from Empowering Parents about parents doing everything for their kids. I have never really done that, well, I did it first few years, but then gradually backed off, when I saw BGA throw her backpack at me after school and say, "here mom." Right there and then I decided things were going to change. So over the last couple of years, they have been responsible for their stuff. OCD LGA is very good about this, BGA not so much. She has jackets on the floor, shoes thrown everywhere, pjs' on the floor, etc. So once LGA moved out, I started going through her room each day and telling her what needed to be picked up and making her spend a few moments to do it. She hates it, but she does it.
We did a list of chores for the girls, and they were able to do them pretty easily. They like doing chores for some reason, they have always wanted to help. So why not take advantage of that? Some kids hate doing stuff like this, but mine do for some reason.
The girls list of chores included:
BGA
Clean bathroom (I do the inside of the toilet, she does sink, counter, mirror, toilet and wipes down tub)
Keep room clean (ie pick up stuff off floor, etc.)
Feed pets (girls alternate)
Do dishes
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
LGA
Keep room clean
Wipe table down after meals
Feed Pets
Swiffer the laminate floors
Use the pet cleaner tool to get pet hair off the furniture (she loves this)
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
Water plants
These chores have worked well for them. When I was in bed, they brought me meals and my water bottle, etc. I was really proud of how they helped. If I sat in a chair they'd bring me pillows to help prop me up. BGA brought her bed pillow that my mom had and she got when we cleared out mom's house. She said I needed it and should use it. She was right. :-) Dave and the girls really took care of me and the house and I know it was hard, and sometimes it was hard for them to see me in pain, but they did a great job.
I'm really proud of how the girls are helping and in the maturity I see with them. There are still issues and one I really want to write about for BGA, but am not sure of the words yet. It's not always smooth sailing, they fight A LOT, they whine, they throw fits/tantrums, etc. It's very hard some days, and some days I want to pound my head against a wall. But maturity has come for them as well, and I find myself in awe of the girls they are now, versus how they were at 4 and 6 when they came home. I love that they are at a stage that we can go places and do things and for the most part (with the exception of LGA who still throws fits/tantrums) we can have a good time together. I see the humor they have (they both have good senses of humor), and how much fun it is to shop with them now, they have ideas of what they want to wear (versus just saying, "yeah, that's fine. Ok." That used to frustrate me no end so I'd just pick their stuff for them). They're funny and sweet, and frustrating all in one. But now that I can devote my full attention to them and am not torn between my mother and my brother, I am enjoying the time we have. I really had a hard time with them over the years and was frustrated a lot. To hear LGA say when asked to do something, "Ok mama" just makes ALL the difference to me. She still has a hard time transitioning between activities, but she's getting better. I know to warn her ahead of time and to make sure she knows when it's time to pick up the play stuff, and to tell her how much time is left, etc. It doesn't always work and she will tantrum/fit to the point I have to send her to calm down in time out, and those are the hard days. But I am learning what her triggers are and how to prevent the fit (if I can, it does not always work) and that has made a big difference in behavior for her.
Summer has been hard in the past for me because of the fits/tantrums LGA throws but I am learning to let her know what the activities for the day are (and we are thinking of getting a white board to write what will be happening each day). I'm hoping this year with the addition of the backyard and hopefully a backyard med sized pool to put on the concrete slab, that they will be able to have stuff to do, that maybe they can do some painting out there, some sidewalk chalk, etc. That we can be outside and not just sitting inside (because at 100+ temps sometimes that's all you can do, is to sit inside. My small house is not set up for crafting, etc.). I'm hoping we can do swimming lessons (we're still working on it, the girls have had a hard time mastering swimming but they enjoy the lessons) this year and BGA expressed an interest in cheer/gymnastics, so we'll see how that goes.
The girls have 12 days left of school (where HAS the year gone??) so these things are on my mind for the summer. Luckily it is a 2 mos break so it will be easier than a 3 mos break. 1 mo LGA will be in summer school so BGA and I will have mornings together. She needs some one on one time with us (Dave will be home one day on the weekday as it's his day off) and somehow will need to make it up to LGA as she was quite disappointed to know she has to go to summer school (it was recommended on her IEP and I find when she doesn't have a break in school work, she retains more and goes into the school year easier). There is some debate always about whether or not special needs kids should take the summer off, but I find with LGA, when she's had summers off and has to start up school again, she gets anxious, sometimes has been defiant and has a harder transition. So we set her up for summer school last year and it was a good decision for her. She went for one month then had a month off. It worked out well.
Chores are all part of growing up, and I do not want them to think I will do everything for them. I think I started at age 10 when I did chores, and mine were much more involved (dishes, vacuuming, dusting, ironing). I did do the feeding of pets, cleaning the bathroom I shared with my brother, watering plants, etc. So I am glad for the help, and glad to see they are completing chores. I wait for the day (as happened to me..........I hate house cleaning, and I would wait till the last minute before my mom walked in the door to complete my chores) that they don't want to do them or wait till the last minute to do them. I know it's coming.......but for now I'll just enjoy the extra help and I will be sure to praise their accomplishments. :-)
Friday, May 10, 2013
Mother's Day.......
I wanted to share this post that was posted on a RAD board on FB. One of my local moms added me to the RAD board and I read it sometimes, not sure if the girls really have RAD, but there have been some discussions on RAD and FASD being similar so I do read the posts sometimes. This post I am going to copy here, reminds me of how our Mother's Days have gone in the past. I was a newbie mom excited for my first Mother's Day with the girls and it did not go as planned (many holidays didn't, until the girls had been with us a few years). I wish I had read this post then. It would have explained a lot about how I sometimes think BGA felt, and possibly LGA, although her delays in processing are just now catching up to her, almost 5 yrs later.
I was not with the girls last Mother's Day. My mom died that weekend and I had family/friends around, but not Dave and the girls as they couldn't come down to be with me. My cousin brought me sunflowers in a vase and a card. It was nice she remembered, and the girls made cards and gave me cards when I got home, but I didn't really (I just was so out of it) notice them much till I found them while moving stuff for the flooring. I now have all the cards the girls have given me, in one place.
I have seen posts on how Mother's Day is not really a holiday moms should want to celebrate and how we are all moms and don't really need a holiday to celebrate what kind of mom we are, etc. I think a few years back I would have been upset about that as I waited 7 yrs to celebrate this holiday. But now, 5 yrs in? Well, now I am comfortable (finally) in my skin as a mom and I don't really need a holiday to celebrate it. We aren't going to brunch, or lunch, or dinner (that I know of) nor will I get any expensive gifts. I asked for grocery store bunches of flowers and a small box of candy. The only reason I wanted the flowers is I used to send my mother flowers every year on this holiday. She really didn't need anything else and she liked flowers and liked to have the vases (I found a lot of them at her house while clearing it out last year) and look at the flowers, either in her house or in later years, while she was in bed. I wanted some flowers like she used to like getting, something pretty to look at. So that's why I asked for them. I have gotten bouquets sent to me for various holidays until I just told Dave I didn't need to get them. But this time I told him to go to the local grocery store and get me two bunches of flowers (he doesn't buy from him, he buys for the girls to give to me). And now I don't need anything fancy to celebrate the holiday.
We'll see what we come up with but I'm happy just having us all together. And as in the past, the girls have had some grief and it has not really turned out how I imagined it to be, so I'm just winging it, as I have in years past.
To those of you who have lost your mother and miss her, or to those who have your mother and will celebrate her, I wish you a nice day. To those who are not mothers yet, your day is coming. I hope you find some peace in the day.
Here's the post, which reminds me a lot of the girls in the past years. I wish I had realized their pain and been able to comfort them earlier than I did. I did finally realize (after getting over my own disappointment in what I thought the day should be, there was a lesson there, as there always is where the girls are concerned) and was able to comfort them. This year I think they will be comforting me and we will comfort each other together.
On Mother's Day I can't just think of You.
I am not sure one person can love two moms,
I wonder if I am supposed to choose…
maybe if I choose her she'll choose me this time.
I am not good enough.
On Mother's Day I can't be only happy that I have you
because it means I don't have her.
... I am sad.
On Mother's Day I can't just be peaceful
I am so worried I am going to mess up, I don't understand
what is really expected from me,
I just want to run away or crawl in a hole.
I am anxious.
On Mother's Day I can't believe I am good
enough to have a mom like you.
I know that mothers leave…
Before you leave me I have to push you away
so it won't hurt so much.
I am scared.
On Mother's Day I can't feel vulnerable enough
to show you how much I need you.
I will need to create a smoke screen of behaviors,
words and choices that will cover that vulnerability up.
I am a survivor.
I was not with the girls last Mother's Day. My mom died that weekend and I had family/friends around, but not Dave and the girls as they couldn't come down to be with me. My cousin brought me sunflowers in a vase and a card. It was nice she remembered, and the girls made cards and gave me cards when I got home, but I didn't really (I just was so out of it) notice them much till I found them while moving stuff for the flooring. I now have all the cards the girls have given me, in one place.
I have seen posts on how Mother's Day is not really a holiday moms should want to celebrate and how we are all moms and don't really need a holiday to celebrate what kind of mom we are, etc. I think a few years back I would have been upset about that as I waited 7 yrs to celebrate this holiday. But now, 5 yrs in? Well, now I am comfortable (finally) in my skin as a mom and I don't really need a holiday to celebrate it. We aren't going to brunch, or lunch, or dinner (that I know of) nor will I get any expensive gifts. I asked for grocery store bunches of flowers and a small box of candy. The only reason I wanted the flowers is I used to send my mother flowers every year on this holiday. She really didn't need anything else and she liked flowers and liked to have the vases (I found a lot of them at her house while clearing it out last year) and look at the flowers, either in her house or in later years, while she was in bed. I wanted some flowers like she used to like getting, something pretty to look at. So that's why I asked for them. I have gotten bouquets sent to me for various holidays until I just told Dave I didn't need to get them. But this time I told him to go to the local grocery store and get me two bunches of flowers (he doesn't buy from him, he buys for the girls to give to me). And now I don't need anything fancy to celebrate the holiday.
We'll see what we come up with but I'm happy just having us all together. And as in the past, the girls have had some grief and it has not really turned out how I imagined it to be, so I'm just winging it, as I have in years past.
To those of you who have lost your mother and miss her, or to those who have your mother and will celebrate her, I wish you a nice day. To those who are not mothers yet, your day is coming. I hope you find some peace in the day.
Here's the post, which reminds me a lot of the girls in the past years. I wish I had realized their pain and been able to comfort them earlier than I did. I did finally realize (after getting over my own disappointment in what I thought the day should be, there was a lesson there, as there always is where the girls are concerned) and was able to comfort them. This year I think they will be comforting me and we will comfort each other together.
On Mother's Day I can't just think of You.
I am not sure one person can love two moms,
I wonder if I am supposed to choose…
maybe if I choose her she'll choose me this time.
I am not good enough.
On Mother's Day I can't be only happy that I have you
because it means I don't have her.
... I am sad.
On Mother's Day I can't just be peaceful
I am so worried I am going to mess up, I don't understand
what is really expected from me,
I just want to run away or crawl in a hole.
I am anxious.
On Mother's Day I can't believe I am good
enough to have a mom like you.
I know that mothers leave…
Before you leave me I have to push you away
so it won't hurt so much.
I am scared.
On Mother's Day I can't feel vulnerable enough
to show you how much I need you.
I will need to create a smoke screen of behaviors,
words and choices that will cover that vulnerability up.
I am a survivor.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
The Catch Up Post
It has been awhile since I posted. A few things have happened here at Family of 4.
We finished up the house and yard. The yard has grass that has been growing for about 2 weeks and is doing well. Our friend's fiancee came to mow it yesterday and we are getting some finishing touches going on our landscaping, but as always happens, something pops up so we have had to spread out the finishing touches. I have waited 13 yrs to have a yard and while it's a VERY small yard, it is still nice to see grass and a patio cover, as well as concrete for the med size metal sided pool we hope to get, out there. We still need plants though, and I need ideas for plants that are safe for doggies and that can take shade and water (the plants would line the edge of our lawn where the sprinklers hit). I am not very good at keeping plants alive (although that was pre girls, and the girls can now water plants so I'm all for getting plants going now) though.
The inside of our house has carpet, laminate and lino in. Our old black bookshelf (purchased from Walmart during the adoption homestudy, 6 yrs ago) bit the dust so we had to buy a new one from Target. So once books are put back, pictures hung, etc. it will feel more like home. I also got sidetracked by my back. I must have moved some furniture incorrectly, because I put myself flat out on my back after vacumming and getting a back spasm, that put me in extreme pain for almost 2 weeks. I am finally feeling better, although my back is still hurting when I move around a bit. I have no clue what I did but I have never been in so much back pain in my entire life. I have had occassional back pain, but never this severe to knock me flat out in bed for almost 2 weeks. You can imagine how my household has run during that time. I did have to drive two days when it first happened and thought I would pass out. Other than that, Dave has had to do cooking, laundry, and dishes. He has had to go on errands, to the store, etc. Poor guy, he has his own back issues. We have had dogs with issues, too, so my new flooring has gotten 'christened' and not in a good way. Luckily it's much easier to clean up than carpet.
Being flat on your back, I couldn't sit at the computer very well (we have a 'big' boy office chair that is very uncomfortable for this 4'11 short arm/legged woman). My small tablet worked ok but even balancing that on me was painful. So I watched a lot of tv. Specifically HGTV. Why? I don't really know, other than I turned to see Candice Olson remaking someone's room in their house and I couldn't turn the channel off. I watched Junk Gypsys (a favorite), Property Brothers, House Hunters, Income Property, Love it or List it, Rehab Addict, Flip It (I think that's what it's called). I watched shows on people who wanted to rent apartments and the show would re-do a room for them, I watched Hawaii Life, where people who moved to the islands did a similar House Hunters show and picked their ideal "island" home. You name it, I watched it. I hadn't watched HGTV in years. But it seemed (that and the food network) to be all I wanted to watch. Sure, I watched some of my regular shows, but I laid in bed till I couldn't take it anymore, watching shows on HGTV. The anniversary (this weekend) of my mother passing might have had something to do with it. Dave let me be, and took care of me, even though I sensed some frustration on his part at times. But I really was in pain. Icy Hot and Tylenol (after the initial heating pad/cold compress stage) were my pain relievers. But I feel while even though I was in pain, I was meant to rest for some reason, forced to sit back and do nothing. The girls helped a lot (even though they are always freaked out when one of us is sick and always have been) and liked bringing me food in bed, getting my bed tray or bringing me water, adjusting pillows, helping with the pets and the laundry. They did a good job. But the sad part was when it was uncomfortable for me to sit at the kitchen table (we have all our meals there except the girls eat at their red Ikea table in the living room during the summer and weekends for lunch) hearing LGA say, "aren't you going to sit with us mommy?" However, I could hear them laughing so I know that Dave did a good job of keeping them eating and talking, laughing, etc.
I am ready, as we are in the last month before school lets out, to be ready to do more and get out and about. I am tired of lounging now and I do feel I have done some mourning for my family during this time. I have cried and I have been in pain and gotten through it. I don't want to over do it though as I dont' want to end up back in bed, but I am ready to keep going. I have a summer to plan, and ready to get back in the routine. But my back still hurts so I'm taking it a bit easy. I want to get to my beading desk and straigthen it out as a bunch of stuff got moved to my desk area and stacked in our bedroom, so that's a bit of an eyesore for me. It will have to wait.
I have been looking at the girls lately and they appear to have grown so much. BGA is in 'sneak' mode, ie sneaking something she's not supposed to have and lying when she gets caught. This is new, and more of LGA's MO, so a bit interesting. According to LGA's teacher, she had a 'letter' week and is finally learning to read. GO LGA! She goes on a field trip to a grocery store today, one I couldn't go on because of my back. LGA is also sleeping in her room now with the light off, the night light and ladybug light that shines stars on the wall, and the door closed (or cracked in her case most nights). This is huge progress. The water damage in her room helped her because before this happened, the hallway light had to be on, her light, nightlight, and she would open her door. Now we have a new loft bed for her and a 'bedtent' from Ikea over her bed. She has her huge life size teddy bear at the end of her bed, a new duvet cover on her bed, extra pillow with pillow case and she seems cozy in her room. She got new carpeting, new dresser and new arrangement of her bed, new black out curtains, etc. She seems to like it in her room and goes to sleep fairly easily most nights. This is HUGE. She was the hardest sleeper, up most nights until she would fall asleep (with melatonin). Now she seems to go to bed earlier (and up earlier though, but I think she's a seasonal sleeper, as she would sleep in later during the winter) and get up once or twice to go to the bathroom then back to bed. It would be hard most nights as she would not stay in bed, come down the hallway, get out of bed and play, etc. So far (and I hope I didn't just jinx it!!) she stays in bed and sleeps through.
So that's my update from here. I am ready for the summer, I think. Gotta get a plan in place, I will have BGA at home with me as LGA will go to summer school, for a month, then both girls for a month, till school starts.
Hope you are all well and enjoying spring..........cloudy, misty day here after an early type of summer weather (got into the 90's) for a bit of April. May appears to be coming in a bit gloomy, but I think we are in for a hot summer. Waiting for our med sized metal sided pool, and the girls will be all set. :-)
We finished up the house and yard. The yard has grass that has been growing for about 2 weeks and is doing well. Our friend's fiancee came to mow it yesterday and we are getting some finishing touches going on our landscaping, but as always happens, something pops up so we have had to spread out the finishing touches. I have waited 13 yrs to have a yard and while it's a VERY small yard, it is still nice to see grass and a patio cover, as well as concrete for the med size metal sided pool we hope to get, out there. We still need plants though, and I need ideas for plants that are safe for doggies and that can take shade and water (the plants would line the edge of our lawn where the sprinklers hit). I am not very good at keeping plants alive (although that was pre girls, and the girls can now water plants so I'm all for getting plants going now) though.
The inside of our house has carpet, laminate and lino in. Our old black bookshelf (purchased from Walmart during the adoption homestudy, 6 yrs ago) bit the dust so we had to buy a new one from Target. So once books are put back, pictures hung, etc. it will feel more like home. I also got sidetracked by my back. I must have moved some furniture incorrectly, because I put myself flat out on my back after vacumming and getting a back spasm, that put me in extreme pain for almost 2 weeks. I am finally feeling better, although my back is still hurting when I move around a bit. I have no clue what I did but I have never been in so much back pain in my entire life. I have had occassional back pain, but never this severe to knock me flat out in bed for almost 2 weeks. You can imagine how my household has run during that time. I did have to drive two days when it first happened and thought I would pass out. Other than that, Dave has had to do cooking, laundry, and dishes. He has had to go on errands, to the store, etc. Poor guy, he has his own back issues. We have had dogs with issues, too, so my new flooring has gotten 'christened' and not in a good way. Luckily it's much easier to clean up than carpet.
Being flat on your back, I couldn't sit at the computer very well (we have a 'big' boy office chair that is very uncomfortable for this 4'11 short arm/legged woman). My small tablet worked ok but even balancing that on me was painful. So I watched a lot of tv. Specifically HGTV. Why? I don't really know, other than I turned to see Candice Olson remaking someone's room in their house and I couldn't turn the channel off. I watched Junk Gypsys (a favorite), Property Brothers, House Hunters, Income Property, Love it or List it, Rehab Addict, Flip It (I think that's what it's called). I watched shows on people who wanted to rent apartments and the show would re-do a room for them, I watched Hawaii Life, where people who moved to the islands did a similar House Hunters show and picked their ideal "island" home. You name it, I watched it. I hadn't watched HGTV in years. But it seemed (that and the food network) to be all I wanted to watch. Sure, I watched some of my regular shows, but I laid in bed till I couldn't take it anymore, watching shows on HGTV. The anniversary (this weekend) of my mother passing might have had something to do with it. Dave let me be, and took care of me, even though I sensed some frustration on his part at times. But I really was in pain. Icy Hot and Tylenol (after the initial heating pad/cold compress stage) were my pain relievers. But I feel while even though I was in pain, I was meant to rest for some reason, forced to sit back and do nothing. The girls helped a lot (even though they are always freaked out when one of us is sick and always have been) and liked bringing me food in bed, getting my bed tray or bringing me water, adjusting pillows, helping with the pets and the laundry. They did a good job. But the sad part was when it was uncomfortable for me to sit at the kitchen table (we have all our meals there except the girls eat at their red Ikea table in the living room during the summer and weekends for lunch) hearing LGA say, "aren't you going to sit with us mommy?" However, I could hear them laughing so I know that Dave did a good job of keeping them eating and talking, laughing, etc.
I am ready, as we are in the last month before school lets out, to be ready to do more and get out and about. I am tired of lounging now and I do feel I have done some mourning for my family during this time. I have cried and I have been in pain and gotten through it. I don't want to over do it though as I dont' want to end up back in bed, but I am ready to keep going. I have a summer to plan, and ready to get back in the routine. But my back still hurts so I'm taking it a bit easy. I want to get to my beading desk and straigthen it out as a bunch of stuff got moved to my desk area and stacked in our bedroom, so that's a bit of an eyesore for me. It will have to wait.
I have been looking at the girls lately and they appear to have grown so much. BGA is in 'sneak' mode, ie sneaking something she's not supposed to have and lying when she gets caught. This is new, and more of LGA's MO, so a bit interesting. According to LGA's teacher, she had a 'letter' week and is finally learning to read. GO LGA! She goes on a field trip to a grocery store today, one I couldn't go on because of my back. LGA is also sleeping in her room now with the light off, the night light and ladybug light that shines stars on the wall, and the door closed (or cracked in her case most nights). This is huge progress. The water damage in her room helped her because before this happened, the hallway light had to be on, her light, nightlight, and she would open her door. Now we have a new loft bed for her and a 'bedtent' from Ikea over her bed. She has her huge life size teddy bear at the end of her bed, a new duvet cover on her bed, extra pillow with pillow case and she seems cozy in her room. She got new carpeting, new dresser and new arrangement of her bed, new black out curtains, etc. She seems to like it in her room and goes to sleep fairly easily most nights. This is HUGE. She was the hardest sleeper, up most nights until she would fall asleep (with melatonin). Now she seems to go to bed earlier (and up earlier though, but I think she's a seasonal sleeper, as she would sleep in later during the winter) and get up once or twice to go to the bathroom then back to bed. It would be hard most nights as she would not stay in bed, come down the hallway, get out of bed and play, etc. So far (and I hope I didn't just jinx it!!) she stays in bed and sleeps through.
So that's my update from here. I am ready for the summer, I think. Gotta get a plan in place, I will have BGA at home with me as LGA will go to summer school, for a month, then both girls for a month, till school starts.
Hope you are all well and enjoying spring..........cloudy, misty day here after an early type of summer weather (got into the 90's) for a bit of April. May appears to be coming in a bit gloomy, but I think we are in for a hot summer. Waiting for our med sized metal sided pool, and the girls will be all set. :-)
Monday, April 22, 2013
The post where I boast.......oh look it rhymes!
Sorry for the lack of posts, although seriously I am never sure who reads this ole blog anway.....but I'm going to do a big old update anyway.
BGA got her "citizen of the month" award (I thought it was Student of the Month but I was wrong) and both Dave and I got to be there. We were very proud of our girl. She's been on Student Council all year long so she goes to the assemblies and helps the Principal and Vice Principal and the teachers. Her teacher has been so proud of her that she's sent me a few notes about how proud she is. I couldn't be ANY more proud if I tried. This is a kid who hated school when she came home to us at age 6. She was sullen, hated homework and trying in school. Her first grade teacher was a wonderful teacher for all of us, she wanted to encourage BGA so as BGA achieved her milestones she got a lot of awards that year. She got spoiled. She thought she'd always get awards. When she hit 2nd grade we finalized the girls' adoption. I think she grieved, and it was a hard year for her. She really struggled and got in trouble and suspended because she followed a little girl in her class' lead and wrote a bad word on the bathroom wall - and got caught. We were devastated, wondering if this was how her school experience was gonna go. 3rd grade we got the teacher we requested, but hadn't put the girls on ADHD meds yet. The teacher came out and said she was studying for her masters and a mom to 3, main bread winner, and she said she couldn't handle BGA and wanted to transfer her. Many of you might remember my frustration as I knew I didn't want her transferred. I simply told the teacher I would not transfer her and if she would be patient, the meds would work and I was sure BGA would be a different girl. She was, she did a complete 360! She made the most improvement and growth of any child in the class. Her teacher loved her. She blossomed under this teacher. 4th grade was tough, BGA found she would need to be responsible for a lot of her homework and failed. And lied to me about it. It was another hard year. She struggled with the fact she told all the other 4th graders she'd been adopted and they teased her, they teased her about her red hair. She was not happy a lot and it showed. She needed her pm med in the afternoon the teacher said because she just couldn't focus, and she was not organized. The teacher assigned another child to "help" her organize herself. 5th grade has found us at another school with another teacher, who seems able to motivate and inspire BGA and while she did have homework issues, she went from an S (satisfactory) 1st quarter, to a U (unsatisfactory) 2nd quarter, to an O (outstanding, highest you can get and one she's never achieved). So she's made progress and we're really proud of her.
The surprise for us was LGA's teacher called us and told us that she was getting BOTH math and reading awards! She said she'd been out as her daughter had had a baby and she forgot to send the notices home. So she was calling to ask us if we could come. Dave was able to come to this awards assembly as well so we shouted as loud as we could for LGA! She also got the teachers award for reading and math and both girls had missed 0 days of school so they went in a drawing for an auctioned off item (that they both told me they didn't win, but you know, that's how it goes). We were so proud of the girls and took them to a spaghetti house with the name the same as LGA. LGA had a Shirley Temple and BGA had a bambino daquiri. We celebrated both girls with a nice pasta dinner.
I have to say, I'm really proud of them. I know they have issues and we deal with those daily, but I am just really proud of the growth I have seen in them. They've come a long way from the 4 and 6 yr old girls who came to live with us. So many years we went through so much and now I see they are more relaxed and settled in at almost 5 yrs. It's nice to see that part of them (the lull before the teen years I think).
Now, on to the house update. We have floors both carpet, lino and laminate. It was not without drama, it meant going through a few things in the house that we hadn't really touched or looked at for a few years and now as of Friday, we have the laminate in. Evidently we had to have our floors 'grinded' so now there's some discussion on how much labor time was involved. We will see if it gets resolved. No one told us we had to pay extra for grinding the floors. Quite a bit extra. We also have our patio cover and concrete done, and some sod that was put in yesterday. We have the drains done and the water flows out to the front yard, so I hope this eliminates any more water issues. It's really nice to have the floors done, updated after 13 yrs of carpet. It was nice when the old carpet was ripped out for sure! It has been almost 2 mos of non stop waiting on people to get stuff done and house torn up a bit, LGA in BGA's room, etc. But now it's all back together (minus a few little things) and we couldn't be happier. Welcome Spring!
This weekend BGA competes for her school in a local track meet. She's really excited and is running about 3 races so far. Dave has to work as there are people out with surgeries and healing time so he's been working 12 hour saturdays. So he has to miss her meet, as he just can't go. She cried huge crocodile tears and was NOT happy. She even cried about it when my friend was here yesterday, even though my friend is coming with us to see her run. We got so used to his promotion and making his own hours that this one threw us all for a loop. But I'm going to try to film it on my camera. I've been told I need to practice before this weekend so I have it completely down and don't miss any of it.
Temps have heated up here this week, going into the upper 80's, so welcome Spring, with a bang!
Hope you are all enjoying the warm sun.
BGA got her "citizen of the month" award (I thought it was Student of the Month but I was wrong) and both Dave and I got to be there. We were very proud of our girl. She's been on Student Council all year long so she goes to the assemblies and helps the Principal and Vice Principal and the teachers. Her teacher has been so proud of her that she's sent me a few notes about how proud she is. I couldn't be ANY more proud if I tried. This is a kid who hated school when she came home to us at age 6. She was sullen, hated homework and trying in school. Her first grade teacher was a wonderful teacher for all of us, she wanted to encourage BGA so as BGA achieved her milestones she got a lot of awards that year. She got spoiled. She thought she'd always get awards. When she hit 2nd grade we finalized the girls' adoption. I think she grieved, and it was a hard year for her. She really struggled and got in trouble and suspended because she followed a little girl in her class' lead and wrote a bad word on the bathroom wall - and got caught. We were devastated, wondering if this was how her school experience was gonna go. 3rd grade we got the teacher we requested, but hadn't put the girls on ADHD meds yet. The teacher came out and said she was studying for her masters and a mom to 3, main bread winner, and she said she couldn't handle BGA and wanted to transfer her. Many of you might remember my frustration as I knew I didn't want her transferred. I simply told the teacher I would not transfer her and if she would be patient, the meds would work and I was sure BGA would be a different girl. She was, she did a complete 360! She made the most improvement and growth of any child in the class. Her teacher loved her. She blossomed under this teacher. 4th grade was tough, BGA found she would need to be responsible for a lot of her homework and failed. And lied to me about it. It was another hard year. She struggled with the fact she told all the other 4th graders she'd been adopted and they teased her, they teased her about her red hair. She was not happy a lot and it showed. She needed her pm med in the afternoon the teacher said because she just couldn't focus, and she was not organized. The teacher assigned another child to "help" her organize herself. 5th grade has found us at another school with another teacher, who seems able to motivate and inspire BGA and while she did have homework issues, she went from an S (satisfactory) 1st quarter, to a U (unsatisfactory) 2nd quarter, to an O (outstanding, highest you can get and one she's never achieved). So she's made progress and we're really proud of her.
The surprise for us was LGA's teacher called us and told us that she was getting BOTH math and reading awards! She said she'd been out as her daughter had had a baby and she forgot to send the notices home. So she was calling to ask us if we could come. Dave was able to come to this awards assembly as well so we shouted as loud as we could for LGA! She also got the teachers award for reading and math and both girls had missed 0 days of school so they went in a drawing for an auctioned off item (that they both told me they didn't win, but you know, that's how it goes). We were so proud of the girls and took them to a spaghetti house with the name the same as LGA. LGA had a Shirley Temple and BGA had a bambino daquiri. We celebrated both girls with a nice pasta dinner.
I have to say, I'm really proud of them. I know they have issues and we deal with those daily, but I am just really proud of the growth I have seen in them. They've come a long way from the 4 and 6 yr old girls who came to live with us. So many years we went through so much and now I see they are more relaxed and settled in at almost 5 yrs. It's nice to see that part of them (the lull before the teen years I think).
Now, on to the house update. We have floors both carpet, lino and laminate. It was not without drama, it meant going through a few things in the house that we hadn't really touched or looked at for a few years and now as of Friday, we have the laminate in. Evidently we had to have our floors 'grinded' so now there's some discussion on how much labor time was involved. We will see if it gets resolved. No one told us we had to pay extra for grinding the floors. Quite a bit extra. We also have our patio cover and concrete done, and some sod that was put in yesterday. We have the drains done and the water flows out to the front yard, so I hope this eliminates any more water issues. It's really nice to have the floors done, updated after 13 yrs of carpet. It was nice when the old carpet was ripped out for sure! It has been almost 2 mos of non stop waiting on people to get stuff done and house torn up a bit, LGA in BGA's room, etc. But now it's all back together (minus a few little things) and we couldn't be happier. Welcome Spring!
This weekend BGA competes for her school in a local track meet. She's really excited and is running about 3 races so far. Dave has to work as there are people out with surgeries and healing time so he's been working 12 hour saturdays. So he has to miss her meet, as he just can't go. She cried huge crocodile tears and was NOT happy. She even cried about it when my friend was here yesterday, even though my friend is coming with us to see her run. We got so used to his promotion and making his own hours that this one threw us all for a loop. But I'm going to try to film it on my camera. I've been told I need to practice before this weekend so I have it completely down and don't miss any of it.
Temps have heated up here this week, going into the upper 80's, so welcome Spring, with a bang!
Hope you are all enjoying the warm sun.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Our Girl Got Student of the Month!!!
I am so very proud of BGA. She got Student of the Month, the assembly is coming up soon. I think she may also get some academic awards this time too. as that girl amazed me and totally brought up her report card to where it was at the end of last year. WOW. Also there are certain catagories for O's, P's, S's and U's (Outstanding, Progressing, Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory). The girl got all O's this report card. Has not happened. Ever. Not.At.All. Very proud of her.
She had an emotional afternoon and tried to sabatoge this great accomplishment though. Perhaps this comes with the territory, but as she is almost 12 I want to be able to make her feel proud of herself, and she doesn't feel that way. I don't know how to change it but I guess I need to start reading some books on it. Because I tell her everyday how proud and loved she is, but she still got upset yesterday. Now, part of that my friend tells me is it's scary for kids to get shots and kids react differently to them. BGA had to get a meningitis shot and I had no idea, so when the girls went for their physicals (more on that shortly) and ADHD meds refills, the NP told BGA she needed that shot, after I had (because what did I know? I thought I remembered the NP saying last time that she didn't need any shots at all, and that was 4 mos ago!) said there would be no shots. Almost like this NP relished saying it after I assured (and Dave did too as he was with us) her no shots. Ugh. So she freaked. LGA picked up her uneasiness and began to work it to her advantage till we realized it (pretty quickly I might add) and told her to stop. Then LGA decided (even though she won't need a shot till she's 9, in June, but I didn't let her know that) that she was getting a shot and got upset. So, BGA took the shot, Dave is the person they want there (although LGA wants both of us, BGA prefers Dave) when they get a shot (good thing I asked him to come, but we had such success at it last time because he was there, that I asked him to come again. I can really ask questions and talk to dr/np when he's there to deflect their nervousness). All was well till dinner and we went out since the appt was 3:20 and we got out of there (OMG, such a LONG wait at this dr. office! We are always the LAST ones in at a pm appt) at 5. More on that in a minute though........
The NP gave me the percentages for each girl.
BGA is 11, weighs in at 63 pounds and is 4'7. She is at 25th percentile! Wow. She really needs to bulk up. I'm afraid the ADHD meds are making her not put on the weight. So I bulk her up with whole milk, and other foods to try to get pounds on. She is actually gaining according to the NP so that is good.
LGA on the other hand is 8, almost 9, and is 63 pounds and 4'2. She is in the 75th percentile. So she's doing well and the ADHD meds have not affected her weight or height wise.
It was so nice to get this info as the dr, never gives it to me at all. I never knew where they were.
SO after the dr. appt, (during which in the car BGA gave Dave her good news and he praised her) we decide to go to dinner on the waterfront. Dave was craving mexican food, which is not one of BGA's favorite foods. I know she wanted to pick because she got a good report card and student of the month. But we did let her know we'd celebrate later, this was just a get dinner and get home kinda meal. So it became a pout/fit when she wanted to pick two chimichangas for dinner. Now BGA is not a big eater and she won't finish her food a lot. Dave felt that maybe the girls could share and BGA get one, LGA get one. But, no, LGA had picked out her own tacquitos and wanted her own meal. Other options were given to BGA, one of which, the nachos, the waitress said were large. Again LGA was asked if she wanted to share, again she said no. SO BGA blew up and started crying and pouting. By this time an older lady in the corner was eyeing this whole exchange (and once BGA got going LGA amped up considerably, got out of her seat, was mad that she couldn't sit by me - she's becoming a mama's girl and wants to be by me a lot of the time) so behaviors were not good (girls missed out on their small chocolate Sees eggs after dinner because of behavior). Could not get BGA to stop. She kept going. But instead of seeming sad (as she was later, more on that) she became pouty and sullen. We had had to wait in a hot sun beating down on it exam room for almost 45 mins and then we have to deal with behavior. Oh I was done. So with LGA I finally said, and I POINTED, "that lady over there is watching you, do you want to keep going?" That stopped both LGA and the woman staring. I don't care if she overheard, by that point, I had had enough. So we ordered the lunch version of chimichangas for BGA and she wouldn't eat it or touch it. She kept stabbing it so I cut it up for her and ignored her. She started eating and finished most of her plate. We had discussed that we're not going to buy full meals (she feels she's getting too old for the kids meals in restaurants but really she isn't and the portions when they are decent are good size for her. Sometimes if they are small she will get a small meal or we will share, she and I or her and LGA share) because she wastes them. So she got mad. And pouted. Then after dinner they tried to talk me into giving them their chocolate eggs. Nope, sorry, consequences are in effect for not good behavior. They can try for tonight after dinner as I am cooking and it's a dinner LGA likes, spaghetti.
When we got home, BGA just kept getting more pouty and sullen. Finally in the kitchen I pulled her aside and asked what was wrong. Apparently she does not feel worthy of this award. I was heartbroken. I wanted her to feel proud of it and proud of her accomplishment. SO I talked to her and kept telling her how proud we were, how proud she should be, etc. I listed off things she does around the house that totally help me out (she's doing chores now and LGA will be responsible for doing the laminate floors when they get put in, as well as folding towels and cleaning the table off after dinner, all a good start for her). She started to come around, but then out of the blue she said, "But my birthfather will not know I got the award. He said that I should tell him if I get an award." Wow. Not sure if that is true, but I guess she was thinking of him. I'm glad she talked about it. I wonder if someone mentioned birthparents to her at school because she was having some dreams and has had since she and LGA have shared a room. But once she voiced this fear and we talked through it, no dreams last night. Not one. Oh my heart hurt for her. But we worked through it and I will continue to let her know how proud I am of her, Dave get her a great bear hug and told her he loved her and was proud of her.
This am, LGA who I also said I was proud of, at bed time, woke the house up at 5:50. So since I was up and moving around I fixed everyone bkfst. LGA gets bfkst at school with her class but I gave her a yogurt smoothie to eat and she settled down. I had BGA butter the toast and fixed eggs and pre cooked sausage for the other 3 of us (while telling LGA we were having her favorite, spaghetti for dinner, gotta keep it equal). BGA wanted a fried egg so I made it and she said, "you are the best mom. You are a good cook." Pshaw.......(or however you spell it). I'm mediocre, but I try, LOL. She was extra talkative and huggy this am but I'll certainly take it. LGA and Dave and I watched the cat look at the birds (oh yes, we have a birds nest under our eaves and one baby already fell and died, poor thing) flying around. She enjoyed me being there as she is in the mommy stage and wants me around. She got on the bus and was in a good mood. I really need to help Dave and get up in the am, because I think he can get burnt out (till we decided LGA was playing us, my friend came to stay and came during the week and fully felt LGA was taking advantage, so now she's responsible for getting herself ready and we aren't going to prompt her or remind her) in the am and it's time I helped him out a bit.
So, my friend came to visit last week (it's been a busy couple of weeks). She had a birthday, and came to stay so we could shop and hang out. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed her visit. The girls were in school so we could hang out and talk, shop, go to lunch, etc. Then she could see the girls in the pm after school and for dinner, then when they went to bed (and they are STILL sharing a room, almost 6 weeks later!) we could talk, drink wine, and watch tv. Totally fun for me. I miss her this week. There is some background, and we haven't really been much in touch (on her end) since the girls came home. I am not really sure where it all comes from, but it is what it is. She lost her dad xmas of 2011, so she came to see us (after I had not seen her since Nov 2007 or had much contact with her at all) on the way down to S CA and the way back. It was awkward to say the least. Then she asked to come stay for New Year's eve. I invited her back all last year, but she got a promotion and works in a different location and I think her job took up some time. We didn't address any of the issues but I tried to keep it light, and mainly let her talk about what was going on in her life. We had a couple of interesting things, the van had to go in the shop, so I had to drive Dave's car, which is set up for his 6'2 frame and not my short one. I used to drive his car when the girls came home but now it's firmly fitting he and his frame and not mine. Took some getting used to. There were some things she wanted to fit in so we were out every day she was here. She also mentioned (evidently in jest) about a maple bacon cupcake so I tried to follow the local cupcake truck, two towns over to get one for her (never did as their truck broke down). But it was a nice relaxing visit and we had fun.
Now we are just waiting on the scheduling of our flooring, some almost 6 weeks later. Money had to come out of our pocket as our insurance company would not pay for all of our repairs. I was trying to deal with the agent on the phone while my friend was there chatting to the dogs, and I was trying to hear the agent who has a very LOW voice. But it all got worked out in the end, however, we still have not heard from the company that is doing the install even though we paid on Monday and they were supposed to get back to us in two business days. Also have some drains being put in in the backyard to see if that will help re-direct any water that is going under the house, so that job will start. Lots of busy stuff going on.
I am very proud of the girl, though. This was even after my friend was here and we picked BGA up one day after school. The teacher had had a sub and wrote a note saying how the sub really enjoyed BGA in class (BGA's class is ahem, very challenging for the teacher) and how she was helpful and I believe the words, "a joy" in class. I'm very proud of this girl. She's come so far. Now if I can only inspire some self confidence in her before the teen years start. Must work on that with her.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Spring Break is over!
And I am sorry, but I am going to be doing a huge cheer this am when the girls go off to school. It wasn't a bad week, but.........the 'lovely' insurance compay still has not come through on the flooring. I talked to the insurance agent last week and he was close to getting us to flooing, however, needed to take another look at the carpet estimate as he missed something and thought one of the bids (that we aren't going with) came in lower than the one we are going with. So he wanted to take a look AGAIN at the carpet estimate (which is only two rooms by the way, the question is we are going with laminate in our hallway and living room - which gets replaced because hallway and living room are all one stretch of carpet).
So on Friday I decided to take the girls to see The Croods, as we had not been out of the house once, yes, we were in the house from Saturday to Friday. The girls received crafts from my friend for Easter and they were really into them, and there were movies on DVD they wanted to watch, etc. So we kept occupied, as I waited on Mr. Insurance Man to call me back a couple of times, and got the full figures of what we have to fork up out of pocket because we didn't use an approved plumber. Yet, when I asked him if he had a list he claimed they didn't. Uh-huh. SO he's going to go to the plumber and see if they can budge on their bill. If not, we have a pretty penny to fork out. I'm just tired of it all. So I call him because a day has gone by and he's NOT very good at returning phone calls (I swear the woman we had 4 yrs ago was SO great, this guy? Not so much). We wait around till pm, then decide to hit an afternoon showing.
I liked The Croods, although BGA was not happy with some of the action in it, she gets fearful and although I was sitting by LGA, I didn't see her get too upset. Afterwards she admitted some of it was a bit frightening to her, but she liked the story (and the girl in it has red hair and freckles if I am not mistaken, always a plus in her book). It was SO nice to get out and about and the girls enjoyed the outing. They seemed to want to be homebodies, though, because they asked me if we were coming straight back and never really wanted to go out this past week. Maybe they needed some down time. Anywho.........I did like the story and it was funny in the appropriate parts.
The girls on the other hand, fought most of the week, and the newest thing is LGA is 'fishing' in BGA's room. She discovered her 'makeup' stash, that I thought we had hidden, but heard the closet doors at night and figure she must have gotten into BGA's closet. Tonight she said, "BGA has MAKEUP?" I really need to know how to stop the tattling, though, it's driving me up a very high wall, and there is no end in sight. I've tried all the things you are supposed to try for tattling, including "Unless someone is hurt or dying, or hurting someone else, I don't want to know." They really don't care, they tattle anyway, even if you have (in LGA's FASD case) recently (like within the next breath for LGA) said the same aforementioned sentences, and said, "I don't want to hear it." It's like they can't stop and they are constantly trying to one up each other. Finally I threatened "NO ELECTRONICS IF YOU TATTLE." That lasted for awhile, but with LGA's retention, it really did not work. I just have to keep repeating it and staying consistent for her. But it's hard on me. I had at one point, the insurance guy on the phone, before lunch and pm meds, and I was trying to write all the numbers down. I swear I thought I was getting a very bad tension headache after that.
I really hate posting the negative stuff, but lately over the last month, it's been one huge train wreck after another. Sure it started out innocently enough, but now they are just plain screaming at each other to go to sleep at bedtime, and LGA's on some sort of running commentary and won't stop until she crashes. They NEED to be in their own rooms.
It's a good thing that school is starting up, because..........we will have a house guest this week. My friend from the northernmost part of N CA is coming for a visit, Tues to Fri (or possibly Sat depending on how much she can take of the girls.....she's in her late 40's and single, no kids). So, even though we have no carpet in LGA's room, we are going to figure something out for my friend to sleep there, and hope the carpet goes in this week and soon after her arrival. So LGA won't be back in her room this week, as Easter is on Sunday so you know that we won't be having much going on before then. My friend is coming for her birthday this week, and coming while the girls are in school so we can hang out together while they are in school. I'm hoping for the best, but LGA does not handle house guests very well as we never have them so she has a hard time. Wish the best for us, as it will be a hard week for her, and she will still be sharing with BGA. (I am thinking moving of the makeup out of BGA's room is going to benefit me). Poor BGA is tired of LGA going through her stuff. (LGA is sneaky like that, she gets things off the bar in our kitchen, out of the family room, etc. Last thing I found she had was some of Dave's modeling putty on one of my mother's blankets, that I really liked - and it did not come out in the wash and some of it ended up on the couch so I know she had it under the blanket playing with it. Dave refuses to move his stuff from the family room). This mama is tired of the fighting, getting into stuff, etc. I am looking forward to hanging out with my friend, without the girls being along and demanding her attention.
The one plus, was I decided we were going to vacuum and dust as I was tired of the dust, that I thought would get worse once they pull the carpet up and lay the flooring. I was tired of the dust and so I declared today was house cleaning day. Dave and the girls helped and everyone was assigned chores and got them done. My house is still torn up and cluttered, but it is as clean as it's going to get. I will still have to dust again when all is complete, but I don't have to breathe in the dust that was really bothering me (I think I am allergic to dust as I have had other reactions to it previously). I think the girls enjoyed earning allowance money and they did great jobs on their chores. Dave had to pull up some temporary flooring we had in our hallway to the garage as the installer who came to measure said, "we don't pull up existing flooring. We will pull up the carpet but not this flooring." So he had to rip it up today, but he got it donr. Everyone worked hard. It's sometimes a bit of work having guests, and my friend used to visit a few times a year till the girls came home. We have not seen her for a year and 3 mos, so it has been awhile.
Hoping this week is the week we can schedule our flooring. Back to the routine..............In April, it will be 2 more mos till school gets out, where did the year go??
Happy Monday, folks.
So on Friday I decided to take the girls to see The Croods, as we had not been out of the house once, yes, we were in the house from Saturday to Friday. The girls received crafts from my friend for Easter and they were really into them, and there were movies on DVD they wanted to watch, etc. So we kept occupied, as I waited on Mr. Insurance Man to call me back a couple of times, and got the full figures of what we have to fork up out of pocket because we didn't use an approved plumber. Yet, when I asked him if he had a list he claimed they didn't. Uh-huh. SO he's going to go to the plumber and see if they can budge on their bill. If not, we have a pretty penny to fork out. I'm just tired of it all. So I call him because a day has gone by and he's NOT very good at returning phone calls (I swear the woman we had 4 yrs ago was SO great, this guy? Not so much). We wait around till pm, then decide to hit an afternoon showing.
I liked The Croods, although BGA was not happy with some of the action in it, she gets fearful and although I was sitting by LGA, I didn't see her get too upset. Afterwards she admitted some of it was a bit frightening to her, but she liked the story (and the girl in it has red hair and freckles if I am not mistaken, always a plus in her book). It was SO nice to get out and about and the girls enjoyed the outing. They seemed to want to be homebodies, though, because they asked me if we were coming straight back and never really wanted to go out this past week. Maybe they needed some down time. Anywho.........I did like the story and it was funny in the appropriate parts.
The girls on the other hand, fought most of the week, and the newest thing is LGA is 'fishing' in BGA's room. She discovered her 'makeup' stash, that I thought we had hidden, but heard the closet doors at night and figure she must have gotten into BGA's closet. Tonight she said, "BGA has MAKEUP?" I really need to know how to stop the tattling, though, it's driving me up a very high wall, and there is no end in sight. I've tried all the things you are supposed to try for tattling, including "Unless someone is hurt or dying, or hurting someone else, I don't want to know." They really don't care, they tattle anyway, even if you have (in LGA's FASD case) recently (like within the next breath for LGA) said the same aforementioned sentences, and said, "I don't want to hear it." It's like they can't stop and they are constantly trying to one up each other. Finally I threatened "NO ELECTRONICS IF YOU TATTLE." That lasted for awhile, but with LGA's retention, it really did not work. I just have to keep repeating it and staying consistent for her. But it's hard on me. I had at one point, the insurance guy on the phone, before lunch and pm meds, and I was trying to write all the numbers down. I swear I thought I was getting a very bad tension headache after that.
I really hate posting the negative stuff, but lately over the last month, it's been one huge train wreck after another. Sure it started out innocently enough, but now they are just plain screaming at each other to go to sleep at bedtime, and LGA's on some sort of running commentary and won't stop until she crashes. They NEED to be in their own rooms.
It's a good thing that school is starting up, because..........we will have a house guest this week. My friend from the northernmost part of N CA is coming for a visit, Tues to Fri (or possibly Sat depending on how much she can take of the girls.....she's in her late 40's and single, no kids). So, even though we have no carpet in LGA's room, we are going to figure something out for my friend to sleep there, and hope the carpet goes in this week and soon after her arrival. So LGA won't be back in her room this week, as Easter is on Sunday so you know that we won't be having much going on before then. My friend is coming for her birthday this week, and coming while the girls are in school so we can hang out together while they are in school. I'm hoping for the best, but LGA does not handle house guests very well as we never have them so she has a hard time. Wish the best for us, as it will be a hard week for her, and she will still be sharing with BGA. (I am thinking moving of the makeup out of BGA's room is going to benefit me). Poor BGA is tired of LGA going through her stuff. (LGA is sneaky like that, she gets things off the bar in our kitchen, out of the family room, etc. Last thing I found she had was some of Dave's modeling putty on one of my mother's blankets, that I really liked - and it did not come out in the wash and some of it ended up on the couch so I know she had it under the blanket playing with it. Dave refuses to move his stuff from the family room). This mama is tired of the fighting, getting into stuff, etc. I am looking forward to hanging out with my friend, without the girls being along and demanding her attention.
The one plus, was I decided we were going to vacuum and dust as I was tired of the dust, that I thought would get worse once they pull the carpet up and lay the flooring. I was tired of the dust and so I declared today was house cleaning day. Dave and the girls helped and everyone was assigned chores and got them done. My house is still torn up and cluttered, but it is as clean as it's going to get. I will still have to dust again when all is complete, but I don't have to breathe in the dust that was really bothering me (I think I am allergic to dust as I have had other reactions to it previously). I think the girls enjoyed earning allowance money and they did great jobs on their chores. Dave had to pull up some temporary flooring we had in our hallway to the garage as the installer who came to measure said, "we don't pull up existing flooring. We will pull up the carpet but not this flooring." So he had to rip it up today, but he got it donr. Everyone worked hard. It's sometimes a bit of work having guests, and my friend used to visit a few times a year till the girls came home. We have not seen her for a year and 3 mos, so it has been awhile.
Hoping this week is the week we can schedule our flooring. Back to the routine..............In April, it will be 2 more mos till school gets out, where did the year go??
Happy Monday, folks.
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