Saturday, November 9, 2013

Hiking Post and Just To Clarify.......

I have great friends in my life.  Some of them are part of the girls' lives and some have chosen to distance if they can't handle the needs.  We didn't quite realize what would happen as we chose the girls, with the friends in our lives.  Some chose to be a part of the girls' lives, some chose some infrequent contact, etc.  This particular friend that I wrote about below, chose little to no contact.  It is what it is, and I am moving on.  I do understand that some people can't know what it's like to raise the girls, and to raise a FASD child.  It's not easy at all.  And so that sometimes means that friendships suffer as you cannot make the time you once did to be a part of their lives and they don't understand it.  They tell you that you are only focusing on the girls, it's always about the girls, etc.  I hate that it's that way when it comes to friendships because inevitably a friend feels that I can't make enough time for them.  Yes, it can be as easy as having someone watch the girls while I go do something with a friend, but I don't have any grandparents, aunts or uncles or friends who watch the girls on a regular basis.  To go to BGA's meeting this week we did not want to take LGA as she makes it really hard to focus and the girls interrupt a lot.  So I asked a mom in our neighborhood that I used (and sometimes meet for breakfast every couple of months) to watch LGA last minute because her son and LGA were in kinder through 2nd together and they get along ok.  But I don't ask her often as she has 4 kids so adding two more would be a lot.

I will miss my friend but I have learned that you have to move on.  There was a quote that seemed appropriate and while it mentioned God, it say that you need to let go and trust God and the people who are meant to be in your life, will still be there.  I hope that is the case. I have read on FASD groups that parents complain of losing friends who just don't want to stick around for the long haul.  I suspect that was the case here.  So I am letting go and moving on.

I wish this blog could be a light one,with light topics and to show pics and products, etc.  But it is an adoption blog and a blog about raising a FASD child.  My audience is limited and that's ok.  My topics will be heavy and light at the same time.  There will be times I'll write about vacation but also detail that there are issues when the routine is disrupted due to transition.

Make no bones about it, we have some good and funny times here, and as soon as we get some meds situated and go down that road, I think we will see more of them and hopefully a few less struggles for awhile.  Cause the struggles are harder than anything I have ever been through, but we do come out the other side and we are making it.  I was not prepared to raise a FASD child, but I am .  I am trying to find ways of getting support or a support group because I know I need one. I think sometimes we adoptive parents feel that we should take it and not talk about the struggles because we wanted these children and we need to accept the issues and not talk about them.  But if we don't talk about them then who are we helping, someone who might be struggling and not know where to turn?

So now on to some good news.  BGA's 12th birthday is this week!  12!!!  Seriously, how did my lovely little 6 yr old who came walking through our door and said her first memory was asking where the bathroom was, LOL, get to be 12?????

I will do a birthday post on my girl this week.  She's struggling with school work, but she turned it around this week and I was proud of her and SHE was proud of herself.  We're working on it together, Dave, BGA and I.  She's got work to do, but she has really functioned well when she has a challenge.   I am disappointed her science program after school got cancelled as two rowdy boys got hurt before it started so the "dr" who is teaching it decided to stop it until they decide if they can start it up again.

We took a hike this past weekend to some local redwoods.  I have started walking again and it's really helping me physically, I have needed this for a long time but never pushed myself to do it.  I am taking BGA to school as Dave who used to do it, is working 10 hour days till the holidays are over. It was either that or he worked till 7pm and when we did that year before last LGA could not handle the transition.  But it's been good for me to go on a walk each day.

So we decided to visit the "BIG" trees where there are some great redwoods, etc.  Lots of hiking paths.  We chose the 1.6 mile hike.  It was fun and we did experience nature (LGA experienced it a bit more than the rest of us as she ended up with some bug bites on her chest).

The air was crisp and cool in the 'foothills' where the big trees are, in upper 50's (we have hit 75 two times this week, when is 'fall' going to officially start??) so it was jacket and gloves weather.

We decided to stop for a late lunch at a local diner a few towns over.  Usually when we go to restaurants these days it's hard for LGA to sit still, lower her voice, etc.  We try some of the nicer restaurants but it is not always a great experience.  Someone kicks someone else under the table, "I can't have that, SHE'S having that" etc.  So this diner, the waitress was so nice.  She sat us in the back, gave the girls a cup of ice with their water to keep them busy, then let them pick coloring books and crayons and made sure they had substitutions when they didn't want what the menu had on it.  Dave said she ate her dinner and kept coming over and asking us if we were ok.  She said she had kids too.  It was the best dining experience we'd had in a long time.

So here are a few pics of our hike last week.  I think I got some great photos of LGA.  Usually she has an awkward smile as some kids do, but I caught her true self.  She was beautiful and I love how her pics came out.

Sorry for the picture heavy post, but I had not really taken many pics and it was fun with all the great nature background. I love how LGA is looking up at the redwoods in one pic and how BGA was focused on the old Kodak camera we gave her.  Great day, it was the cap to my 50th bday celebration.

Halloween was good and rushed, but still good.  The girls chose their costumes at the last minute, we went to birthday dinner for me, rushed home, they changed into costumes and we drove around trick or treating.  It was fun to see their excitement.  No trading of candy this year, but since we waited till later to go, they had a half a sack of candy and we've been eating some also (with their permission) and doling it out bit by bit and we are almost done with it.

Well, there's two posts in two days!  Enjoy your Veterans Day weekend.  Daddy works a day and we are doing some relaxing (LGA's body has not caught up on the time change, she's getting up at 4am, have to try to get her to go back to bed, till 5am, then she's up, although today I got her to sleep in till 6:30!!) and going to see Thor.  It will be nice to have the extra day off from the day to day school schedule.  


  1. I tried to post a comment yesterday, but it didn't go through. Just wanted to say I've been reading for a long time, don't think I've ever commented. I think you and your husband are doing an amazing job raising your girls. I'm sorry for you that you lost a friend, that does happen throughout life when we are at different places in our lives. I can relate a little bit to the ADD/ADHD issues with your girls, but the FASD is not something I'm familiar with. I can only imagine how tough it is to deal with both. My now-grown boys are not adopted, but one has ADD and the other ADHD with a little OCD and ODD thrown in. The school years were very tough for all of us and I really had no time for seeing friends, except when I was at work. My boys are doing well as adults, both working and don't need medication now. Neither was interested in college and I really couldn't blame them when it was so hard for them to just make it through high school. There have been bumps in the road for them as adults, but overall they handle things pretty well. I think your girls will do great because they have such wonderful support from you and your husband.

  2. Thanks so much for commenting Kim. I really appreciate your input on ADHD. Have you had experience with different meds? We will changing up the meds soon and not sure what to put the girls on, they are on Focalin now.

    Sometimes I feel like I am out here in blogland by myself, so I really appreciate your commenting. I have seriously thought of letting the blog go.

  3. No, don't let the blog go! I read all your posts, though (as you've noticed) I rarely comment.

    I'm sorry about your friend. Friendships shift and change over the years, but it must hurt to have this one end in such a way. You're doing right by your girls and are a great mom, but it's hard when others don't get it.

    Just my 2 cents.
    Maggie S

  4. Wow, BGA is going to be 12???? Impossible! Although looking at her in the photos she is really a beautiful young lady. I know how proud you are of her--of both your girls. Love the pics!

  5. Love all the photos. Can't have too many photos of redwoods in my opinion. Reminds me of our honeymoon in San Francisco and visiting Muir Woods. I love the smell of the forest there - one of the best smells in the world!

  6. Thank you Maggie S. I know you are right. It's just hard. It does hurt. I didn't expect this one. I am thinking I touched on a nerve for her. I won't share what it is here, but I think I figured it out. And she does not want to read what I have to say or post. It's ok. People do come and go and that's what life is about. It just hurts when it's someone who was close. But I have to admit she was never close to the girls and never made an effort to be. So there's my answer.

  7. Leigh, yes, she is gonna be 12. She has sprouted up in the last few months and matured a lot. She is beautiful and I am very proud of the girls. It was great to snap away. LGA had a great photo session she really was in a great mood. BGA was focused on her camera and we got the first time ever, "Oh not another pic. Do I have to be in this one?" LOL. She's growing up.

  8. It's been so long since my boys were on meds that I honestly can't remember them all, they are 28 and 26 now, but yes there were different ones at different times. Often there was one for the ADD and one for depression or anxiety at the same time. We had some great drs who were very experienced and I trusted them. The meds were always given by a specialist, not their primary care doc, so they had tons of knowledge and experience with all kinds of kids.