Thursday, October 4, 2012

My Daughter Missed Me In School Today......

I got a call around 11, from the teacher.  I missed the call and she left a message that she wanted to speak with me.  Uh-oh.  It was LGA's teacher, so I knew something was up.  Ever have the nervous feeling when calling your child's teacher back???  I sure did.

However, once I called her back the teacher said, "LGA says her cousin got hurt. I tried to have her draw out what she wanted to tell me, as she seemed sort of mopy.  But even drawing it out didn't help.  Can you talk to her?"

Well, we had been talking a couple of days ago, about a girl whose cousin was one of LGA's friends at her old school.  I knew the mother too as LGA and the girl had been friends (the girl was really nice to LGA, so that's why she remembers her) since Kinder.  The girl moved to a different school this year, (as did the girls) however, her cousins are going to the girls' school, now too (they went with their cousin to the previous school).  So the girls have seen the little girl cousin (she is tiny, and seems much younger than her age, which attracts LGA because she likes playing with younger kids).  So I remembered a conversation we'd had about the cousin and how LGA mentioned something about her, etc., and my dective work (which pays off usually if I am on the uptake) deduced that it was the girl K's cousin who had gotten hurt. 

So the conversation went like this (my kids are really shy on the phone):

Me: Hi LGA, what's going on?

LGA: silence

Me:  LGA, what happened?  Did someone get hurt?  (then remembering the conversation about the cousin).

LGA: silence


LGA:  Mommy I just miss you (sigh, long sigh).

Me:  I miss you too.  I love you LGA.

LGA:  I love you too Mommy

Me:  LGA did K's cousin get hurt?

LGA:  Yes, someone hit her.

ME:  Did you tell the yard duty?

LGA:  No.  (then goes on to explain why).

LGA:  I just miss you mommy

Me:  I miss you too.  Hope you are having a good day

LGA:  Sigh.  No.

Me: No?  Well, let's see if we can turn it around.  Did you like the snack I packed for you (Clemmentine with some graham crackers)?

LGA:  Yes.

Me: Ok, well I love you and I'll see you later.

LGA:  Love you too mommy

So teacher comes back on and I share what happened and that I think it was about the cousin of her friend K and I explain the background, then explain (again......already told her this before school started) that my mom died and then my 2nd 'mother' died and that I have been sad some days (although I wasn't yesterday, I just didn't feel well), etc.

Teacher says it was good to know that (I already explained it and wrote it down, but ok).  So we hang up and I hope LGA has had a good rest of the day.

But the part that tore at me was her little voice saying, "Mommy I miss you."  Aw.  BGA used to do that in the beginning too, (I don't think LGA knew that though).  I said to the teacher, "Sometimes you just miss your mommy."  However, the teacher didn't really reply to that, but was trying to find out what was going on, so I had to switch gears and tell her that it was probably related to the cousin getting hit at school.  Someday I will have the conversation about how this is a good thing that my FASD, ADHD, OCD, sensory, etc., daughter just missed her mommy and let me know.

Hearing her little voice on the phone always seems so weird to me.  I'm used to the loud, fit tantrum, sometimes screaming, mad voice, and then the loving voice.  But the phone voice is different.

So, hoping for a good day when the bus drops off LGA.  She's had a tough year, she has an autistic boy in her special ed class and I don't know how to explain why he can't always help what he does.  She views it as him picking on her and really, I don't think he always knows what he is doing.  The teacher says they are all establishing the pecking order, so there are a few tuffles here and there.  It's been hard for LGA as she wants to be in control (just like her sister, who is learning you don't always need to be in control).  I am trying to engage her in getting it out when she sits down for her snack after school and she's getting better at telling me.  The teacher suggested if she has a hard time getting it out to have her draw it out.  So we have yet to do that (maybe because I can understand her better than I think the teacher can), but that's an option too.  But she is talking to me more and less tantrums/fits/explosive behavior when she gets off the bus (which is much nicer.  I really hope they keep her in this school next year.  Too many transitions are hard.  This school is in our zone whereas the first school last year wasn't.  I've asked for her to stay in this school).  IEP coming up in Dec, where I hope to meet her "team."

I think there will be an extra special treat for my baby when she gets off the bus (or after dinner) tonight.

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