It probably won't come as a surprise to those of you (the small amount of readers) that this happened. Edited to say that if you raise a child with FASD, this is a common occurance, so it would not be a surprise that some friends aren't in it for the long haul. Some are, though, and I am grateful for them.
The friend was a friend of over 15 yrs. She was the maid of honor at my wedding. However, life got in the way, she got married, I think for the 2nd or 3rd time. She is helping raise a grandson. The girls came home. I noticed for the first time when we visited (and the last time I might add) her for her grandson's bday. The girls had been home just about 2 mos. They were into everything, non medicated and just hyper. They tried to help the birthday boy open gifts (not something my friend wanted) they were into stuff and running in and out and I was trying to keep track of them. The kicker was when BGA threw a fit getting into the car to go home (and she was helping me get them in the car). I got the impression they were not something she could handle. So she didn't. We were invited to her grandson's bday a couple of more times (but I didn't want to subject them and myself to it so we declined). She was invited to the girls' parties - she declined. When we would mention getting together, which never happened because of one reason or another on my part, she suggested without kids. It's funny, because the half way town (she moved away years ago) now has a hands on kids museum which we took the girls to on vacation and I was thinking of inviting her and her grandson to meet us there in the future.
So I got dumped via Facebook. First she msg'd me and told me that she didn't like some of my posts and when I tried to explain she just said she was unfriending me. Yes, I know there are a few of you not on FB and you will tell me that is just FB. I do get it. I am sad, but there is nothing I can do. However, usually I am the one who tries to save the situation and I give in. I didn't do it this time. I asked her if she didn't like my posts or felt I might be struggling (I have posted about our sleep issues and LGA's tantrums) why didn't she reach out? She didn't answer, so that gave me my answer. I am sad but I have to admit to myself, that she has never taken an interest in the girls and when I have asked for some advice I was mainly told "kids are kids she will grow out of it." So, one person of a few who cannot handle the girls' issues or needs who has 'unfriended' me. It won't be the first or last, so I am grieving what was of the friendship but I really have to admit that it was never there in the first place, for many years. That makes it a bit easier.
The girls are having a few issues at school. LGA has a tri annual IEP coming up next week, and as she's turned 9, she's had a few more issues, also being in 4th grade adjusted (special ed day class) and with older kids (which is hard for her) so we have gotten a psych refferal for some different meds. The teacher finally pulled her off the main playground and has her playing with her class on a smaller playground at lunch and that has eased some of the issues and defiant behavior. We are still going to readjust meds because I do believe it's warranted. And if my friend had truly taken an interest in what it is like to parent a FASD child she would have known how hard it is. Instead she chose to judge. Parenting a FASD child is hard and I am sorry if it appears there is some whining going on but really till you've walked in the shoes.......you can't really understand the issues or how hard it is. It's hard. But there are also the special times and those times are the ones I savor when they happen. Now that LGA is settling into school they are happening again but for the first 2 mos of school it was really hard going.
BGA's grades slipped a lot and she has had to learn to step up this year. We had a parent teacher conference this week and she really has to step it up. Her math slipped to below grade level so we have some support in place for some tutoring and she wrote down her goals (neatest writing I have EVER seen her do). She has goals in place and we will need to probably switch out her meds as well as the teacher feels she is unable to concentrate in the afternoons (when Math is) even with the small pm med dose. But her teacher wants her to succeed and so we are working on it. We have had to do this in the past and then BGA really steps up to the plate and totally surprises us. She is getting used to note taking and getting ready for middle school next year so the teacher is trying to make them responsible for their own notes, etc. I think BGA was used to skating by and now she has to work at it. But she gave it a great effort and saw her rewards this week and I was proud of her. I know she can do it.
So that's where I've been lately. Hope all is well in your worlds. Gonna go read some of your blogs.
Take care all.......and hug your loved ones.