Since I posted. I am sorry about that. Summer seems to have slipped by and the girls start school in 2 weeks. It seems like it was June and school was getting out.
Summer was slow around these parts. No real activities to speak of. LGA turned nine and we celebrated at her summer school class with cupcakes and at home with her fave dinner spaghetti and she wanted store bought cake this year. It's hard to believe she has turned 9. She's still more like 5 or 6 in maturity, but this transition was a hard one for her. She had a hard time in summer school (which was a month) and then transitioning from summer school. Her birthday coming and wondering what her school class will be like was hard for her. She will have a new teacher and will be in her special ed class with grades 4-6. She always does much better with the younger kids so I anticipate a harder adjustment for her.
There has been a lot of fighting going on this summer between the girls and once I had to break up an actual physical fight. They really do not get along very well, although I can see BGA trying, but LGA still does not have the maturity to try either. I have had to threaten to take away electronics and tv/pool time quite a few times.
We got one of those hard sided Intex pools and set it up in June. The thing had a leak evidently when we got it and water drained out - that was not fun. We did not get flooding in the yard luckily and there is a tarp under the pool so it mostly drained there. We also had a drain put in on our concrete slab that the pool sits on so water drained out. But we (I should say Dave) fixed the leak and now the pool is a great feature for us to utilize. The girls can stand in it (I am 4'11 and it comes up to my chest and I can stand in it to) and also swim under and around. We have some inner tubes and they get on those and float around. I have been towing them around too and doing some water exercises so it's been good for me too.
I had some time with BGA when LGA went to summer school (another issue for LGA jealousy of what she thought BGA was doing - none of which BGA was actually doing). We had some great talks and this time must have been needed because she kept telling me how much she loved me and how happy she was. We didn't do much, Dave and I took her to a movie together when he was off, we went to breakfast, shopping, breakfast with one of her former teachers, etc. It was very low key but relaxing and we didn't have to rush, etc. She has always liked Hannah Montana (why I don't know because Miley Cyrus has really taken a turn for the worse in my opinion) so we started watching the show on Netflix together. The minute she saw it was on Netflix she practically screamed at me to play it. So we started with season 1 (I think there were only 4 seasons) and are on season 3 now. BGA seems to like the earlier seasons much better. I don't know if she has memories of watching it somewhere else (she came home in season 2 I think) but she gravitates to the first 2 seasons and has sort of gotten bored in season 3. But we did have some great time together and it was fun to have one on one time with her.
Both girls are home now and it is ok, now that they have transitioned back to being together and LGA has some issues but mostly I have been able to see her triggers and stop them before the fit or tantrum starts. Not always, but most of the time. I have to say I am enjoying not having to be in a routine at all or be anywhere or go anywhere. I will miss that when school starts.
Dave and I have each spent time with friends (me with my adoptive moms) during this summer but not nearly as much as we should have. I have to admit I am looking forward to our Mondays together when the girls are in school.
I have been doing a lot of cooking and some baking this summer. I've been on a budget and so I have been trying to find meal rotations I can make. The temps have risen to the 100's on a couple of weeks so I have wanted to find recipes for the stove or even better the crock pot. I have tried out a few that have gone over well, so will be trying to organize my recipes into a binder so I can have the recipes we like at hand (instead of my current method of printing them and putting them on my book shelf where my cookbooks reside.
I also have been able to get my beading desk and station (still in our room as there is no other place I could have it) cleared and the beads put away. I had two rolling carts and when the new carpet was put in I had to shove things in them and in boxes. My beading desk (more like a computer desk) was storage to all the stuff that ended up in our room and I had been putting off getting it organized and doing some beading. This past weekend I got most of it sorted out, and did some beading (I really am out of practice and had to spend some time with my wire wrapped loops, etc.) but still need to find homes for stuff so items got piled on my bed to bead, then piled back on the beading desk when I was done. I got interrupted to fix dinner and by girls who are not used to mom being in the same room with them. The dogs all hung out with me too, guess they are used to mom being around and wanted to be with me, LOL. I hope to get back to beading this fall when the girls go back to school.
We have taken the girls to two movies this summer, making a day out for us all on Dave's day off. We saw Monsters University and Despicable Me 2. We liked both movies. I tried to take the girls to Regal's $1 movies but LGA was in summer school, BGA wanted to sleep in (and I let her, which is one of the reasons we really didn't do much. I felt she needed the sleep) and we couldn't make the 10:00am time. I might try to take them this week or next before school starts.
So there you have it, not very exciting summer, and not a lot to blog about, but since it's been almost 2 mos since I have blogged I thought I'd post an update.
Hope you are all enjoying your summer......I'm enjoying reading the blogs of those who are traveling and having exciting adventures. :-)
Monday, July 29, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
My Husband Builds Stuff..........
So on to some more 'fluffier' stuff on this here blog..........
My husband has built us a patio table. Now if you have been reading the blog lately, you know that we had our patio and backyard done as well as the flooring (some of which insurance picked up, although I am frustrated that insurance did not pay one bill to the company that dried our house out, and I am still asking to get it paid - as the company needing to be paid has hounded me....but that's a whole other post.).
The backyard is narrow, you might have found a post on here where I showed how narrow it is. There is a huge retaining wall also. So, we have been limited in what we can do with it. We decided to cut our yard in half (there was also a saga about the sod we got that died,etc., that might have appeared here - I'd have to search it and I'm too lazy to do that right now)and put down a concrete 'pad' for an Intex pool to go on it. The girls love to swim in water, and we thought as temps have been rising here (expected to be 108 on Saturday, but it's not the norm for this type of year. We are just getting hotter weather earlier, which means it's going to be a hot summer) and we figured having a pool was a good option. We got one similiar (but with more depth) to this one, but not from this company, but I had researched it so still had the link (see I really am lazy this week, I think I'm in denial for school ending!).
http://www.kmart.com/summer-escapes-14-ft-x-42-in-metal/p-004W004409598001P?prdNo=7&blockNo=7&blockType=G7
If you are thinking of getting a pool like this, it's really worth it for some backyard fun. We had hoped to get a larger size than this, but we can't because we need acces to the side yard, and we had no more room. But this will be fun for the girls to play in and we can spend some time outside now that we have a patio table to do projects on.
Now I scoped out the neighbors' pool (just like I scoped out their patio cover and copied it, although it's sturdier than theirs is) and they have not quite upgraded to the pool we have, they have the one we had previously, which I believe is this one:
In looking at patio table sets, I found they were super expensive for what we wanted. We wanted a wooden set and a very sturdy set (Dave's 6'2 and a bit on the 'husky' side, so we wanted something to hold him). Most of the sets I saw were really flimsy (really? You want me to pay $400 for a set that the mesh could rip and be destroyed in seconds???). The wooden ones were higher, and we just couldn't see spending that kind of money when we wanted to do stuff on it, like paint outside,do crafts, etc. So Dave decided to build one.
We had left over wood from our patio cover and we had some wood cut. The table is very basic but it seats 6 and it will work for our needs. Dave still has to sand it down and we have to stain it (as well as the task of staining our patio cover). I like how it came out, and I think it will work for us. It's not super pretty (as I think some people were expecting. I sent it by phone to my friend who really didn't comment on it, other than saying, "well I'm glad you have a table, and you could get some chairs from the thrift store and maybe a chandelier.") but I like it and that's all that matters. The girls can do stuff on it and if they spill I won't care, because it can be sanded down and when they are older we can get a nicer set. So at the bottom I will share a little sneak peak of it with some new plants we bought to hang from the patio cover.
Dave's getting very Home Improvement as he was talking about making some sort of shelving unit from the left over wood. It's fun to see him doing some projects.
I need to find some chairs. I'd like to get basic ones that I can spray paint in some bright colors and then put some chair pads on (or not). Our little yard is shaping up.
An update on the chores: going well, the girls and I rocked the housework this weekend and I think they will get to go get something from the toy/game aisle when school lets out. They have done work for a solid month and have done a great job. I will say that there is a difference in how they do chores. LGA is VERY OCD, and she does a great job. The cat has taken over the computer chair and there was some hair on it. I gave her a hair pick up pet thingy and she went to town on the couches, chairs and computer chair. She finally decided to pick the hair off the chair by HAND when she found the pet tool wouldn't work. Then she took cushions off the chairs and couches and I had to vacuum inside them (so now my couches are nice and clean under the cushions). She then went to swiffer the family room, living room and hallway, that have the laminate and she covered every inch. What she couldn't get she used the broom and a dustpan to pick up. She dusted and cleaned the clutter in her room as well. What a good helper.
Now BGA on the other hand, tends to have a more 'stuff thrown on the floor' look to her room and while it's not a sty, and it is fairly neat (due to asking both girls to clean rooms at least once a week/two weeks) just things end up on the floor (and the dogs chew them) and she has a habit of leaving stuff (like video games) in the chair/couch cushions and a game has been chewed by the dogs. We finally took a game from her that we found in the chair cushions and hid it. She frantically searched for it on Saturday, and I could see how she didn't want to say it was lost, LGA picked up on it and began in her loud voice to draw attention to it. I made out that I had no clue where it was and she finally asked Dave and admitted (huge jump for her) to him that she lost it. But her ADHD is full blown at times and she exhibits all the tendencies to forget stuff, lose focus, etc. So when she cleans she does a good job, but not the detailed job that LGA does. I know that's part of ADHD so I don't make a big deal unless I can see she really didn't take the time to do it and then I make her re-do something (and she sighs but does it......we are full throttle in the eye roll, muttering under our breath, sighing, etc.) a 2nd time. She does a very good job, oddly enough, on the dishes. She really takes time to wash them and now that she knows how I want her to clean the bathroom, she does a great job on that too. But I realized I had shown her basics of cleaning the bathroom but then things would be skipped so I outlined each part of the bathroom in stages (finish one, then she'd come back to me and I'd explain another part) and she got it that way. I guess because BGA doesn't exhibit too many ADHD traits all the time I get lulled into thinking she can do things and then I realize I need to tailor my explanations to "ADHD" type of explanations.
The girls did a great job on the house though and all 3 of us rocked the house work on Sunday (while Dave built our table). It was great to have their help, I was so glad we could do it together and I remember the days of doing it all by myself and am glad they are at a stage to help me (especially since I hate housework and they don't seem to mind it, LOL).
Here's the pic of our table......rustic, but homemade and fun, just what we needed. Now what type of chairs to get??? And I guess the girls and I will be doing some thrifting after school gets out. Also Dave picked out the flowers and we have a red rose bush in the corner of our lawn, so we have yellow, red and white colors. At first I wanted to go bright colors for the chairs, yard, but we really liked these plants, so now I'm thinking maybe spray paint chairs yellow and red? Thoughts, anyone?
Happy Weekend, everyone stay cool (our temps are supposed to be in the 100's, up to 108!!!).
My husband has built us a patio table. Now if you have been reading the blog lately, you know that we had our patio and backyard done as well as the flooring (some of which insurance picked up, although I am frustrated that insurance did not pay one bill to the company that dried our house out, and I am still asking to get it paid - as the company needing to be paid has hounded me....but that's a whole other post.).
The backyard is narrow, you might have found a post on here where I showed how narrow it is. There is a huge retaining wall also. So, we have been limited in what we can do with it. We decided to cut our yard in half (there was also a saga about the sod we got that died,etc., that might have appeared here - I'd have to search it and I'm too lazy to do that right now)and put down a concrete 'pad' for an Intex pool to go on it. The girls love to swim in water, and we thought as temps have been rising here (expected to be 108 on Saturday, but it's not the norm for this type of year. We are just getting hotter weather earlier, which means it's going to be a hot summer) and we figured having a pool was a good option. We got one similiar (but with more depth) to this one, but not from this company, but I had researched it so still had the link (see I really am lazy this week, I think I'm in denial for school ending!).
http://www.kmart.com/summer-escapes-14-ft-x-42-in-metal/p-004W004409598001P?prdNo=7&blockNo=7&blockType=G7
If you are thinking of getting a pool like this, it's really worth it for some backyard fun. We had hoped to get a larger size than this, but we can't because we need acces to the side yard, and we had no more room. But this will be fun for the girls to play in and we can spend some time outside now that we have a patio table to do projects on.
Now I scoped out the neighbors' pool (just like I scoped out their patio cover and copied it, although it's sturdier than theirs is) and they have not quite upgraded to the pool we have, they have the one we had previously, which I believe is this one:
In looking at patio table sets, I found they were super expensive for what we wanted. We wanted a wooden set and a very sturdy set (Dave's 6'2 and a bit on the 'husky' side, so we wanted something to hold him). Most of the sets I saw were really flimsy (really? You want me to pay $400 for a set that the mesh could rip and be destroyed in seconds???). The wooden ones were higher, and we just couldn't see spending that kind of money when we wanted to do stuff on it, like paint outside,do crafts, etc. So Dave decided to build one.
We had left over wood from our patio cover and we had some wood cut. The table is very basic but it seats 6 and it will work for our needs. Dave still has to sand it down and we have to stain it (as well as the task of staining our patio cover). I like how it came out, and I think it will work for us. It's not super pretty (as I think some people were expecting. I sent it by phone to my friend who really didn't comment on it, other than saying, "well I'm glad you have a table, and you could get some chairs from the thrift store and maybe a chandelier.") but I like it and that's all that matters. The girls can do stuff on it and if they spill I won't care, because it can be sanded down and when they are older we can get a nicer set. So at the bottom I will share a little sneak peak of it with some new plants we bought to hang from the patio cover.
Dave's getting very Home Improvement as he was talking about making some sort of shelving unit from the left over wood. It's fun to see him doing some projects.
I need to find some chairs. I'd like to get basic ones that I can spray paint in some bright colors and then put some chair pads on (or not). Our little yard is shaping up.
An update on the chores: going well, the girls and I rocked the housework this weekend and I think they will get to go get something from the toy/game aisle when school lets out. They have done work for a solid month and have done a great job. I will say that there is a difference in how they do chores. LGA is VERY OCD, and she does a great job. The cat has taken over the computer chair and there was some hair on it. I gave her a hair pick up pet thingy and she went to town on the couches, chairs and computer chair. She finally decided to pick the hair off the chair by HAND when she found the pet tool wouldn't work. Then she took cushions off the chairs and couches and I had to vacuum inside them (so now my couches are nice and clean under the cushions). She then went to swiffer the family room, living room and hallway, that have the laminate and she covered every inch. What she couldn't get she used the broom and a dustpan to pick up. She dusted and cleaned the clutter in her room as well. What a good helper.
Now BGA on the other hand, tends to have a more 'stuff thrown on the floor' look to her room and while it's not a sty, and it is fairly neat (due to asking both girls to clean rooms at least once a week/two weeks) just things end up on the floor (and the dogs chew them) and she has a habit of leaving stuff (like video games) in the chair/couch cushions and a game has been chewed by the dogs. We finally took a game from her that we found in the chair cushions and hid it. She frantically searched for it on Saturday, and I could see how she didn't want to say it was lost, LGA picked up on it and began in her loud voice to draw attention to it. I made out that I had no clue where it was and she finally asked Dave and admitted (huge jump for her) to him that she lost it. But her ADHD is full blown at times and she exhibits all the tendencies to forget stuff, lose focus, etc. So when she cleans she does a good job, but not the detailed job that LGA does. I know that's part of ADHD so I don't make a big deal unless I can see she really didn't take the time to do it and then I make her re-do something (and she sighs but does it......we are full throttle in the eye roll, muttering under our breath, sighing, etc.) a 2nd time. She does a very good job, oddly enough, on the dishes. She really takes time to wash them and now that she knows how I want her to clean the bathroom, she does a great job on that too. But I realized I had shown her basics of cleaning the bathroom but then things would be skipped so I outlined each part of the bathroom in stages (finish one, then she'd come back to me and I'd explain another part) and she got it that way. I guess because BGA doesn't exhibit too many ADHD traits all the time I get lulled into thinking she can do things and then I realize I need to tailor my explanations to "ADHD" type of explanations.
The girls did a great job on the house though and all 3 of us rocked the house work on Sunday (while Dave built our table). It was great to have their help, I was so glad we could do it together and I remember the days of doing it all by myself and am glad they are at a stage to help me (especially since I hate housework and they don't seem to mind it, LOL).
Here's the pic of our table......rustic, but homemade and fun, just what we needed. Now what type of chairs to get??? And I guess the girls and I will be doing some thrifting after school gets out. Also Dave picked out the flowers and we have a red rose bush in the corner of our lawn, so we have yellow, red and white colors. At first I wanted to go bright colors for the chairs, yard, but we really liked these plants, so now I'm thinking maybe spray paint chairs yellow and red? Thoughts, anyone?
Happy Weekend, everyone stay cool (our temps are supposed to be in the 100's, up to 108!!!).
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Talent Show Pic
I will say that she's growing, but still very petite. Her hair is pulled back because she was doing a cheer during the Talent Show as well and now she's into pulling her hair back. This is the same dress she wore for the Talent Show at the old school 2 years ago (she still fits in it).
Notice the cat and dog toys by the fireplace and the laminate flooring. We really need to paint our living room, too. But that's not gonna happen anytime soon.
I will take pic down soon, so look fast.
And yes, that's a zit on her chin, which she totally picked. Ugh.
There's A Lot of Change in the Air.........
First one is another passing. A sad passing for Dave and I.
Dave's best friend's mom, R, passed away today. I don't know if it was sudden or the details, just that 5 of her organs failed and she was taken off life support this afternoon. R was a wonderful woman, a real mom, in the sense of the word. Her husband was a teacher (as is Dave's best friend) and R supported him in every way, even when in his later years he had a stroke and she accompanied him to the classroom. R had recently become a grandma over the last few years and I think she was a great grandma as well.
When I first met R, I was dating Dave. He introduced her to me at a festival, and then I believe I met her again at the wedding. She was so much fun. We then had a joint birthday party for Dave and her youngest son at our house, they came to Thanksgiving one year, and we met at various parties, get togethers, etc. R was very inspiring to me during our fertility years. She never once lost hope that we would be parents. Unfortunately we sort of lost touch with her when we started the adoption process as Dave wanted to ask her for a reference, but instead of talking to her personally he sort of brushed it off and left a voice mail. Her son, Dave's best friend and his wife offered to sit down and write it but they say she didn't want to. Well, it was sort of not the same since, although we did sit with her at her youngest son's wedding reception, 7 mos after the girls came home. But things just weren't the same when she met them, and we just never really connected again. I know this made Dave sad, and it made me sad. But we still cared for her very much. Dave had more time knowing her as he spent a lot of time at the B home, almost like as one of the son's friends called himself, a '2nd' son to them. Dave's at work so I haven't really talked to him about it, and we just found out last night she was in the hospital, so it was sudden, I think. Hopefully we'll find out more info later.
It seems that all the women who were inspiring to me have passed away within a year of each other. The first two, my mom and my cousin from England (who was like a 2nd mom to me) 4 mos of each other and now R, who I had always thought of like a mom, a year later. But you know, it is the passing of life, and we know that is how life works. It's just hard when it's someone you care about and you know your friends have to mourn the loss that you have already been through. But we'll be there for them, if they need us.
Also sad to hear that one of our adoptive moms who passed away in 2009, her cat, who went to one of the other adoptive moms, also passed away from cancer. It's so sad as it was a link to the mom who passed away and the adoptive mom who cared for the cat, feels like a double loss. The girls were sad as we lost our Lucy cat to the same kind of cancer in 2010. Huge loss for us all, so we know all about cat cancer and loss. We send hugs out to the families who loved this cat.
The girls finish up school this week. LGA got the teacher's reading award as Most Improved, so I was very happy for her. Her teacher says she will really miss her. She will miss her teacher for sure. There are also grumblings of moving the kids around again (this happened last year and we are in school #3 for her) so I had to call yesterday and talk to the Program Specialist who said they would make her an exception and we'd find out in July if she was being moved or not (so I guess we requested the exception). The Specialst also made mention that there might be Special Ed Learning Centers and they would do away with Special Ed Day Classes and the kids would all be mainstreamed. I cannot tell you how against this I am. I'm still pretty peeved about it and so I'll save it for another post. I just don't have it in me to write it all out. BGA has some bullying going on too, and I'm beyond mad about that so I have left voicemail for the principal and will update if we have a meeting this week. I know it's the last 3 days of school but I want this handled. So, a few unexpected finishes for the school year.
LGA got invited to one of her autistic school mate's birthday party. It was very interesting as the school is still (so was the last school the girls went to- well 2 for LGA) in a bit of a lower income housing area, so even though the school is a magnet school, it's still in a lower income area. So the duplex we pulled up to was not what I expected (there are houses in the area). I was sort of nervous to leave LGA, because I have never met the mom, but she reassured me LGA would be fine. Another classmate (also autistic I think) showed up, so there were 3 girls from the class, the birthday girl's siblings and kids in the neighborhood. LGA is in the lying part of FASD (they are consistent in lying) so she has been in a 'way' out there lying phase. She told us the mother took her to the nearby park (which was not cleared by me) so I'm not sure that is true. The birthday girl had a meltdown so when we picked LGA up 2 hours later, they hadn't cut the cake. Darn! Last bday party BGA went to they sent us home with cake. But the mom said, "well you know she's autistic and she's up/down a lot" and then asked the dad who said she wouldn't come out of the bedroom, so the mom asked me if we wanted food. I didn't want to say no, because you could tell they had a lot and a lot of it was home made. I think it was Philipino food but it was very good (I had it the next two days, yummmy!). LGA was sucking on a hard candy (can you say 2 hours past bed time she crashed?? ) and running around outside when we got there. The mom sent LGA home with some ice cream in a cup, and told me that LGA was a good girl (so glad to hear that as the teacher thought I should stay with her but Dave said he thought she'd be ok and she was). She had a blast. LGA was very hyper for a week and a half, from what the teacher and I could see. We finally figured out she was not taking her pm med at school. Well Dave and I figured it out. The teacher maintains that she goes and takes it after recess because the teacher 'reminds' her (ie, Dave thinks she's wandering around and I think he's right). Teacher said that she could by hyped up by the upcoming carnival (yesterday) and the party (Thursday). So when we made sure she got her med on Thursday she was NOT hyped up before the party and was not hyper yesterday when she got home, either.
I think it's a matter of needing someone to go with her to get her med as she never can remember on her own. Even though the teacher has taught Special Ed for 20+years, the teachers still don't know much about FASD and brain injury and that kids with ADHD, and FASD, cannot remember to take meds unless they are reminded. The teachers I have come across, half of them forget to remind the girls to take meds. BGA refuses to take hers at school, and so she can't focus the last half of the day, even though her teacher this year insisted that she doesn't need it, "if I just mention to her, to focus, I can get her back on track." Last year's teacher who taught math at the end of the day, insisted she needed meds to focus in the pm. So, not sure how we will handle that one next year. But when I sent a note back (after talking to LGA's teacher on Thursday) on Friday, I got no response, when I said it might be that she needs help going to get her pill and obviously she was not taking it as Thursday when she should have been climbing the walls from excitement for the party she was calm (until she got sugar AT the party and was up 2 hours past bedtime).
I finally thought we were at a school the girls could stay at and do well in. They both had great years, but now BGA has a friend/bullying issue and wants to leave and LGA could be transferred. So I'm kinda bummed. I guess we'll see how it all ends, but what a way to end the year.
And to close this, there is a blog out there that a mother wrote for the end of the school year. I will link to it and you should read it........I bet you'd agree with it. I know I do. Read this blog:
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/30/worst-end-of-school-year-mom-ever#.UagCc3I1lco.facebook
Hope you are all faring well with the end of the school year. I was a bit overwhelmed on Friday, but hoping all the ducks are in a row for end of school. I will write more about BGA's bullying once we have contact with the principal and teacher.
Oh and I will finish with a pic of BGA ready for the talent show. She wore socks with her shoes because it was cold in the am. I told her to take them off when it got hot or she went on stage, but she kept them on and got teased about it. A girl came up and said, "BGA, that dress is pretty but your shoes would look better without the socks. Just a suggestion." SO who got blamed for that one? ME! Even though I told her to take the socks off when it warmed up. Oh, the hormones are starting. Like how I got blamed for that one........"Mom your outfit was a bust. Well, the dress wasn't but the socks you told me to wear were." Hahahahaha. Oh boy. I'm in for it soon. 12 will be here before we know it.
Enoy your weekend folks. Close to 100 here already.......yuck.
Dave's best friend's mom, R, passed away today. I don't know if it was sudden or the details, just that 5 of her organs failed and she was taken off life support this afternoon. R was a wonderful woman, a real mom, in the sense of the word. Her husband was a teacher (as is Dave's best friend) and R supported him in every way, even when in his later years he had a stroke and she accompanied him to the classroom. R had recently become a grandma over the last few years and I think she was a great grandma as well.
When I first met R, I was dating Dave. He introduced her to me at a festival, and then I believe I met her again at the wedding. She was so much fun. We then had a joint birthday party for Dave and her youngest son at our house, they came to Thanksgiving one year, and we met at various parties, get togethers, etc. R was very inspiring to me during our fertility years. She never once lost hope that we would be parents. Unfortunately we sort of lost touch with her when we started the adoption process as Dave wanted to ask her for a reference, but instead of talking to her personally he sort of brushed it off and left a voice mail. Her son, Dave's best friend and his wife offered to sit down and write it but they say she didn't want to. Well, it was sort of not the same since, although we did sit with her at her youngest son's wedding reception, 7 mos after the girls came home. But things just weren't the same when she met them, and we just never really connected again. I know this made Dave sad, and it made me sad. But we still cared for her very much. Dave had more time knowing her as he spent a lot of time at the B home, almost like as one of the son's friends called himself, a '2nd' son to them. Dave's at work so I haven't really talked to him about it, and we just found out last night she was in the hospital, so it was sudden, I think. Hopefully we'll find out more info later.
It seems that all the women who were inspiring to me have passed away within a year of each other. The first two, my mom and my cousin from England (who was like a 2nd mom to me) 4 mos of each other and now R, who I had always thought of like a mom, a year later. But you know, it is the passing of life, and we know that is how life works. It's just hard when it's someone you care about and you know your friends have to mourn the loss that you have already been through. But we'll be there for them, if they need us.
Also sad to hear that one of our adoptive moms who passed away in 2009, her cat, who went to one of the other adoptive moms, also passed away from cancer. It's so sad as it was a link to the mom who passed away and the adoptive mom who cared for the cat, feels like a double loss. The girls were sad as we lost our Lucy cat to the same kind of cancer in 2010. Huge loss for us all, so we know all about cat cancer and loss. We send hugs out to the families who loved this cat.
The girls finish up school this week. LGA got the teacher's reading award as Most Improved, so I was very happy for her. Her teacher says she will really miss her. She will miss her teacher for sure. There are also grumblings of moving the kids around again (this happened last year and we are in school #3 for her) so I had to call yesterday and talk to the Program Specialist who said they would make her an exception and we'd find out in July if she was being moved or not (so I guess we requested the exception). The Specialst also made mention that there might be Special Ed Learning Centers and they would do away with Special Ed Day Classes and the kids would all be mainstreamed. I cannot tell you how against this I am. I'm still pretty peeved about it and so I'll save it for another post. I just don't have it in me to write it all out. BGA has some bullying going on too, and I'm beyond mad about that so I have left voicemail for the principal and will update if we have a meeting this week. I know it's the last 3 days of school but I want this handled. So, a few unexpected finishes for the school year.
LGA got invited to one of her autistic school mate's birthday party. It was very interesting as the school is still (so was the last school the girls went to- well 2 for LGA) in a bit of a lower income housing area, so even though the school is a magnet school, it's still in a lower income area. So the duplex we pulled up to was not what I expected (there are houses in the area). I was sort of nervous to leave LGA, because I have never met the mom, but she reassured me LGA would be fine. Another classmate (also autistic I think) showed up, so there were 3 girls from the class, the birthday girl's siblings and kids in the neighborhood. LGA is in the lying part of FASD (they are consistent in lying) so she has been in a 'way' out there lying phase. She told us the mother took her to the nearby park (which was not cleared by me) so I'm not sure that is true. The birthday girl had a meltdown so when we picked LGA up 2 hours later, they hadn't cut the cake. Darn! Last bday party BGA went to they sent us home with cake. But the mom said, "well you know she's autistic and she's up/down a lot" and then asked the dad who said she wouldn't come out of the bedroom, so the mom asked me if we wanted food. I didn't want to say no, because you could tell they had a lot and a lot of it was home made. I think it was Philipino food but it was very good (I had it the next two days, yummmy!). LGA was sucking on a hard candy (can you say 2 hours past bed time she crashed?? ) and running around outside when we got there. The mom sent LGA home with some ice cream in a cup, and told me that LGA was a good girl (so glad to hear that as the teacher thought I should stay with her but Dave said he thought she'd be ok and she was). She had a blast. LGA was very hyper for a week and a half, from what the teacher and I could see. We finally figured out she was not taking her pm med at school. Well Dave and I figured it out. The teacher maintains that she goes and takes it after recess because the teacher 'reminds' her (ie, Dave thinks she's wandering around and I think he's right). Teacher said that she could by hyped up by the upcoming carnival (yesterday) and the party (Thursday). So when we made sure she got her med on Thursday she was NOT hyped up before the party and was not hyper yesterday when she got home, either.
I think it's a matter of needing someone to go with her to get her med as she never can remember on her own. Even though the teacher has taught Special Ed for 20+years, the teachers still don't know much about FASD and brain injury and that kids with ADHD, and FASD, cannot remember to take meds unless they are reminded. The teachers I have come across, half of them forget to remind the girls to take meds. BGA refuses to take hers at school, and so she can't focus the last half of the day, even though her teacher this year insisted that she doesn't need it, "if I just mention to her, to focus, I can get her back on track." Last year's teacher who taught math at the end of the day, insisted she needed meds to focus in the pm. So, not sure how we will handle that one next year. But when I sent a note back (after talking to LGA's teacher on Thursday) on Friday, I got no response, when I said it might be that she needs help going to get her pill and obviously she was not taking it as Thursday when she should have been climbing the walls from excitement for the party she was calm (until she got sugar AT the party and was up 2 hours past bedtime).
I finally thought we were at a school the girls could stay at and do well in. They both had great years, but now BGA has a friend/bullying issue and wants to leave and LGA could be transferred. So I'm kinda bummed. I guess we'll see how it all ends, but what a way to end the year.
And to close this, there is a blog out there that a mother wrote for the end of the school year. I will link to it and you should read it........I bet you'd agree with it. I know I do. Read this blog:
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/30/worst-end-of-school-year-mom-ever#.UagCc3I1lco.facebook
Hope you are all faring well with the end of the school year. I was a bit overwhelmed on Friday, but hoping all the ducks are in a row for end of school. I will write more about BGA's bullying once we have contact with the principal and teacher.
Oh and I will finish with a pic of BGA ready for the talent show. She wore socks with her shoes because it was cold in the am. I told her to take them off when it got hot or she went on stage, but she kept them on and got teased about it. A girl came up and said, "BGA, that dress is pretty but your shoes would look better without the socks. Just a suggestion." SO who got blamed for that one? ME! Even though I told her to take the socks off when it warmed up. Oh, the hormones are starting. Like how I got blamed for that one........"Mom your outfit was a bust. Well, the dress wasn't but the socks you told me to wear were." Hahahahaha. Oh boy. I'm in for it soon. 12 will be here before we know it.
Enoy your weekend folks. Close to 100 here already.......yuck.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
10 More Days of School and a 5 Yr Meeting Anniversary.....
Wow, where did the year go? It seems like it just flew by. Summer is coming and our 5 yr anniversary of when the girls came home is fast approaching. I can't believe it's been almost 5 yrs already.
This month also marks the 5th year that we have known the girls. We first met them at a foster to adopt picnic, this month. I went back to my old blog and it shows we accepted the girls at our disclosure meeting on 5/31. But we had met them a couple of weeks previously. My mother had fallen and I had to go down to S CA to take care of her for a week so we were delayed on accepting them at our disclosure meeting. Hard to believe it was 5 yrs ago. We started our visits in June and brought the girls home at the end of June. It's sort of bittersweet as this is the month we met the girls, accepted their referral. It's also the month my mother was born in and the month she died in. So May is bittersweet.
The girls have some end of year activities going on too. LGA got invited to a classmate's party but I need to see if I should go with her because her whole class got invited and she has some issues with some of the boys, I don't know if I trust her to go on her own, but the mom included her phone number on the invite so I will call and ask. LGA's excited. We don't have too many birthday invites in our house, so this is great, both LGA and BGA got invites to parties this year. That way it makes it equal (because it must always be equal. LGA got to go to a movie and dinner while BGA was at her party, BGA won't get that because it's on a weekday, but LGA still talks about BGA going to a party and she didn't get to....well now she does get to go to a party).
Both girls have taken Girl Scouts after school on the school campus. They started in January and finish in June. This was wonderful for me as it allowed me to have two extra hours before I had to pick them up and they enjoyed going. BGA has gone since she came to live with us in first grade. She really enjoys it. I tried to get her into a troop when she went to a GS camp on one of the school breaks but the leader never called me back to help me get her into a troop. I wanted a troop that she could fit into easily. But at that time she was still having issues with the girls at the old school so I think she wouldn't have fit in so easily and the leader did not call me back to help me set it up. This campus GS sold cookies this year too and they enjoyed it. They brought home a notice that they will get awards on the last session of GS and inviting the parents to come to their assembly. That will be fun.
I have to say switching schools this year was a good choice for both girls. The school is still not in a great area (as was the previous school) so there are still issues. BGA's class teacher was brought in specifically to teach this class and she told me about a month ago that it's been a very tough class. She wanted to get BGA into magnet, telling me that felt that was a better chance for BGA. BGA's grades have certainly come up enough for her to probably do it. But we have had a positive experience school wise this year. The girls have made progress, both of them, so it's been a much better experience. I don't know what next year will bring, as both girls had excellent teachers and I'm not sure that will be the case next year. They have shown what a positive teacher can do to encourage them and they have both taken off. In the past we have also seen issues arise when they have not had a positive teacher to influence them and they have had a difficult year. BGA did have a semi hard year as she reverted back to some old habits when first starting in her new school and missing some of her friends/teachers from the old school. Her grades slipped and she lied about homework. But once she turned it around, she had the best report card she's ever had. Seriously. I think Dave and I were in shock. We'll see how she finishes out the year, and if she can maintain that report card. However, she brought her grades up to where they were last year so we aren't going to care too much if she slips a bit, because she did show she can do it. She has had a few instances of kids bullying her, but I feel the teacher and the principal handled it well. I just wish that they had involved us. We didn't find out (well Dave found out first but it was when my back was out and I just wasn't able to concentrate on what was going on) till later how it all went down and how they handled it. Also one thing we will need to work on with BGA is how to have her accept and be deserving of the proud moments. We didn't find out about a special thing she had happen to her, till a couple of months later. For some reason she didn't feel deserving and she tried to pass of not telling us by saying she thought we'd be upset she rode in a limo (SO not true, but in our defence we have been working on strangers and what not to do when a stranger approaches you, etc. so she thought that riding in a limo with the principal might upset us. We then had to have another conversation about teachers, principals, and what is/isn't acceptable behavior. Guess we weren't clear enough) with the principal for scoring 100% on TEN spelling tests in a row!! We were proud. But she admitted rather tearfully that she didn't feel she deserved it, so now we are concentrating on being happy and feeling deserving when something good happens. It's sad to see how fast our kids can sabatoge something and not feel deserving of it no matter how much we try to encourage them. This is something I imagine will get worse with puberty, so we are working on it now.
LGA has learned to read. Her school psychologist said at about 3rd grade she might just 'take' off in learning and that has been the case here. She will probably be due to be re-tested next year (and we have yet to meet her school district contact or the school psychologist). But her teacher this year was an older woman who with her husband, has 3 adult kids and grand kids and has fostered over the years. She knew just how to inspire LGA. I think LGA has had the best year she's EVER had. I have read where some people on the FASD FB group have said they want to keep their kids in mainstream classes, but LGA suffered. Her speech issues and her lack of maturity was hard on her. We saw more physical issues (hitting, throwing bark, etc.) in mainstream than we have seen this year. Putting her in special ed day class did show some regression (there were some downs/autistic kids in her class) but for the most part it's been a good decision. If she were to catch up she could go back to mainstream, but maturity wise I'd rather keep her in special ed day. I think the kids were harder on her this year, the mainstream. She was teased, she had someone put a 'loser' sign on her back (when we had the IEP we brought it up to the principal, who was not happy about that) and she was a bit miserable. However, within her class she had a couple of kids she played with and seemed to do much better in her class. So we'll keep her in special ed day. She will as I mentioned previously, go to summer school (and some of her buddies go too, so she is not alone. She might even get to see her friend E, who has downs and who she went to school with last year and misses, as E goes to another school). Her teacher this year will have all the kids go to the new classroom, meet the teacher and spend some time there so they are comfortable with the teacher and class.
The girls have come a long way over 5 yrs. And it's hard to believe we met them 5 yrs ago this month. When we met them it was at a foster to adopt picnic. The girls were not into it, I don't even know if they knew why they were there. We went and since we'd signed up with an agency, we had to participate in crafts and games with the kids. We were specifically meant to hang out with our girls, but they were very popular and all the prospective parents were trying to get their attention and hang out with them (ignoring the kids who really wanted someone to play with them. This really annoyed me as I felt that the PAP were just going to whatever kids looked the best and trying to interact with them). We were then reprimanded a bit as we didn't make any effort to hang out with the girls as we tried to fulfill the games/crafts we'd signed up for. The social worker from the county found our agency and then had our agency rep tell us to go spend time with the girls. I remember the first thing BGA asked for - a soda (which we do not have very much of in our house). When Dave was not fast enough in getting it to her, she said, "I want it NOW!" Ha. That should have been our first sign there of what was to come. LGA was just delightful and we fell in love with her instantly (ignoring the FASD we'd been told about). We spent about 30 mins with the girls before their foster mother came to pick them up. I didn't know much about attachment then, and when I heard BGA run screaming to the foster mother and say, "MOMMY!" I thought nothing of it. It was only when I talked to our agency SW and he explained about attachment, did I wonder.......would that be what she would try to call us, even though she would not know us very well? She did, but that's for another blog post.
We were smitten (or as smitten as you could be not really knowing the girls. We took a few mins to discuss the girls before deciding to go forward). We went with another "ducky" who was looking for her child and had driven a long way to go to this picnic. We went to an early dinner with her and talked about the girls with her, trying to temper our excitement but excited none the less. We met the worker for the girls at the picnic and we liked her immediately. We were lucky as both our SW turned out to be great and I leaned on them a lot in the first 13 mos before we finalized. I came to find out that was not the norm, but I am glad for that experience with them. Our county worker was older and may have retired by now, but she was a great 'mother' figure and while the girls didn't completely warm up to her like they did our agency worker, she was a great help to me in the months before we finalized. We decided to move forward and awaited our disclosure meeting. Unfortunately my mother fell and we had to delay the meeting a week or so because I went down to take care of mom. I was torn (as I would be from that time going forward) as my mom needed help and it was becoming apparent she could not manage on her own, even with my brother (who just thought she needed to get moving more and could never accept her deterioration) living with her at the time (which presented it's own set of problems because they did not get along very well). I was excited and nervous and taking care of my mother. I remember leaving her house to come home and being excited about our disclosure meeting for the girls. I had to wait another week for us to go to the meeting, and I thought I was not going to make it in anticipation.
On disclosure day (this is the meeting where you go to SW office and he/she will 'disclose' what they know about the child/ren and go over what they can/cannot show you in their files and you either agree to move forward or decline) we brought our agency SW with us as he didn't want to drive on his own and our house was on the way to the SW office. It made it hard to make small talk, but it did help on the way back as we were able to discuss the issues, pros/cons, etc. We (I) made a fast decision to accept the referral. Dave agreed. We moved forward. We were going to be parents! It was very surreal. It didn't feel real at all. We set about telling everyone and were scheduled for our first visit a week after disclosure (another blog post). It happened fast (as Heather and Rachel warned me it would).
So, 5 yrs later, I am a mom, doing mom stuff, parenting two girls and life as I knew it changed forever 5 yrs ago.
We will get through the end of school year but for some reason I think if the girls get awards for school I am going to be a bit emotional this year. I'm really feeling it this year.
I will write another post about the visits we had with the girls. But for now, I'm being a bit sentimental on our 5 yrs of knowing the girls anniversary.
This month also marks the 5th year that we have known the girls. We first met them at a foster to adopt picnic, this month. I went back to my old blog and it shows we accepted the girls at our disclosure meeting on 5/31. But we had met them a couple of weeks previously. My mother had fallen and I had to go down to S CA to take care of her for a week so we were delayed on accepting them at our disclosure meeting. Hard to believe it was 5 yrs ago. We started our visits in June and brought the girls home at the end of June. It's sort of bittersweet as this is the month we met the girls, accepted their referral. It's also the month my mother was born in and the month she died in. So May is bittersweet.
The girls have some end of year activities going on too. LGA got invited to a classmate's party but I need to see if I should go with her because her whole class got invited and she has some issues with some of the boys, I don't know if I trust her to go on her own, but the mom included her phone number on the invite so I will call and ask. LGA's excited. We don't have too many birthday invites in our house, so this is great, both LGA and BGA got invites to parties this year. That way it makes it equal (because it must always be equal. LGA got to go to a movie and dinner while BGA was at her party, BGA won't get that because it's on a weekday, but LGA still talks about BGA going to a party and she didn't get to....well now she does get to go to a party).
Both girls have taken Girl Scouts after school on the school campus. They started in January and finish in June. This was wonderful for me as it allowed me to have two extra hours before I had to pick them up and they enjoyed going. BGA has gone since she came to live with us in first grade. She really enjoys it. I tried to get her into a troop when she went to a GS camp on one of the school breaks but the leader never called me back to help me get her into a troop. I wanted a troop that she could fit into easily. But at that time she was still having issues with the girls at the old school so I think she wouldn't have fit in so easily and the leader did not call me back to help me set it up. This campus GS sold cookies this year too and they enjoyed it. They brought home a notice that they will get awards on the last session of GS and inviting the parents to come to their assembly. That will be fun.
I have to say switching schools this year was a good choice for both girls. The school is still not in a great area (as was the previous school) so there are still issues. BGA's class teacher was brought in specifically to teach this class and she told me about a month ago that it's been a very tough class. She wanted to get BGA into magnet, telling me that felt that was a better chance for BGA. BGA's grades have certainly come up enough for her to probably do it. But we have had a positive experience school wise this year. The girls have made progress, both of them, so it's been a much better experience. I don't know what next year will bring, as both girls had excellent teachers and I'm not sure that will be the case next year. They have shown what a positive teacher can do to encourage them and they have both taken off. In the past we have also seen issues arise when they have not had a positive teacher to influence them and they have had a difficult year. BGA did have a semi hard year as she reverted back to some old habits when first starting in her new school and missing some of her friends/teachers from the old school. Her grades slipped and she lied about homework. But once she turned it around, she had the best report card she's ever had. Seriously. I think Dave and I were in shock. We'll see how she finishes out the year, and if she can maintain that report card. However, she brought her grades up to where they were last year so we aren't going to care too much if she slips a bit, because she did show she can do it. She has had a few instances of kids bullying her, but I feel the teacher and the principal handled it well. I just wish that they had involved us. We didn't find out (well Dave found out first but it was when my back was out and I just wasn't able to concentrate on what was going on) till later how it all went down and how they handled it. Also one thing we will need to work on with BGA is how to have her accept and be deserving of the proud moments. We didn't find out about a special thing she had happen to her, till a couple of months later. For some reason she didn't feel deserving and she tried to pass of not telling us by saying she thought we'd be upset she rode in a limo (SO not true, but in our defence we have been working on strangers and what not to do when a stranger approaches you, etc. so she thought that riding in a limo with the principal might upset us. We then had to have another conversation about teachers, principals, and what is/isn't acceptable behavior. Guess we weren't clear enough) with the principal for scoring 100% on TEN spelling tests in a row!! We were proud. But she admitted rather tearfully that she didn't feel she deserved it, so now we are concentrating on being happy and feeling deserving when something good happens. It's sad to see how fast our kids can sabatoge something and not feel deserving of it no matter how much we try to encourage them. This is something I imagine will get worse with puberty, so we are working on it now.
LGA has learned to read. Her school psychologist said at about 3rd grade she might just 'take' off in learning and that has been the case here. She will probably be due to be re-tested next year (and we have yet to meet her school district contact or the school psychologist). But her teacher this year was an older woman who with her husband, has 3 adult kids and grand kids and has fostered over the years. She knew just how to inspire LGA. I think LGA has had the best year she's EVER had. I have read where some people on the FASD FB group have said they want to keep their kids in mainstream classes, but LGA suffered. Her speech issues and her lack of maturity was hard on her. We saw more physical issues (hitting, throwing bark, etc.) in mainstream than we have seen this year. Putting her in special ed day class did show some regression (there were some downs/autistic kids in her class) but for the most part it's been a good decision. If she were to catch up she could go back to mainstream, but maturity wise I'd rather keep her in special ed day. I think the kids were harder on her this year, the mainstream. She was teased, she had someone put a 'loser' sign on her back (when we had the IEP we brought it up to the principal, who was not happy about that) and she was a bit miserable. However, within her class she had a couple of kids she played with and seemed to do much better in her class. So we'll keep her in special ed day. She will as I mentioned previously, go to summer school (and some of her buddies go too, so she is not alone. She might even get to see her friend E, who has downs and who she went to school with last year and misses, as E goes to another school). Her teacher this year will have all the kids go to the new classroom, meet the teacher and spend some time there so they are comfortable with the teacher and class.
The girls have come a long way over 5 yrs. And it's hard to believe we met them 5 yrs ago this month. When we met them it was at a foster to adopt picnic. The girls were not into it, I don't even know if they knew why they were there. We went and since we'd signed up with an agency, we had to participate in crafts and games with the kids. We were specifically meant to hang out with our girls, but they were very popular and all the prospective parents were trying to get their attention and hang out with them (ignoring the kids who really wanted someone to play with them. This really annoyed me as I felt that the PAP were just going to whatever kids looked the best and trying to interact with them). We were then reprimanded a bit as we didn't make any effort to hang out with the girls as we tried to fulfill the games/crafts we'd signed up for. The social worker from the county found our agency and then had our agency rep tell us to go spend time with the girls. I remember the first thing BGA asked for - a soda (which we do not have very much of in our house). When Dave was not fast enough in getting it to her, she said, "I want it NOW!" Ha. That should have been our first sign there of what was to come. LGA was just delightful and we fell in love with her instantly (ignoring the FASD we'd been told about). We spent about 30 mins with the girls before their foster mother came to pick them up. I didn't know much about attachment then, and when I heard BGA run screaming to the foster mother and say, "MOMMY!" I thought nothing of it. It was only when I talked to our agency SW and he explained about attachment, did I wonder.......would that be what she would try to call us, even though she would not know us very well? She did, but that's for another blog post.
We were smitten (or as smitten as you could be not really knowing the girls. We took a few mins to discuss the girls before deciding to go forward). We went with another "ducky" who was looking for her child and had driven a long way to go to this picnic. We went to an early dinner with her and talked about the girls with her, trying to temper our excitement but excited none the less. We met the worker for the girls at the picnic and we liked her immediately. We were lucky as both our SW turned out to be great and I leaned on them a lot in the first 13 mos before we finalized. I came to find out that was not the norm, but I am glad for that experience with them. Our county worker was older and may have retired by now, but she was a great 'mother' figure and while the girls didn't completely warm up to her like they did our agency worker, she was a great help to me in the months before we finalized. We decided to move forward and awaited our disclosure meeting. Unfortunately my mother fell and we had to delay the meeting a week or so because I went down to take care of mom. I was torn (as I would be from that time going forward) as my mom needed help and it was becoming apparent she could not manage on her own, even with my brother (who just thought she needed to get moving more and could never accept her deterioration) living with her at the time (which presented it's own set of problems because they did not get along very well). I was excited and nervous and taking care of my mother. I remember leaving her house to come home and being excited about our disclosure meeting for the girls. I had to wait another week for us to go to the meeting, and I thought I was not going to make it in anticipation.
On disclosure day (this is the meeting where you go to SW office and he/she will 'disclose' what they know about the child/ren and go over what they can/cannot show you in their files and you either agree to move forward or decline) we brought our agency SW with us as he didn't want to drive on his own and our house was on the way to the SW office. It made it hard to make small talk, but it did help on the way back as we were able to discuss the issues, pros/cons, etc. We (I) made a fast decision to accept the referral. Dave agreed. We moved forward. We were going to be parents! It was very surreal. It didn't feel real at all. We set about telling everyone and were scheduled for our first visit a week after disclosure (another blog post). It happened fast (as Heather and Rachel warned me it would).
So, 5 yrs later, I am a mom, doing mom stuff, parenting two girls and life as I knew it changed forever 5 yrs ago.
We will get through the end of school year but for some reason I think if the girls get awards for school I am going to be a bit emotional this year. I'm really feeling it this year.
I will write another post about the visits we had with the girls. But for now, I'm being a bit sentimental on our 5 yrs of knowing the girls anniversary.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Chores and Kids............and Mother's Day Part Deux
I had a whole post that I wanted to write about the growth of the girls, but I'm shelving it till next month, as that is our 5 yr anniversary of the girls being home.
But I did want to update you on Mother's Day weekend (in case you were wondering). It went well. Friday tulips (my fave flower) and a card were delivered to me. LGA brought some lovely artifical flowers in a homemade box with a cute ribbon and her pic on it. That started a war when BGA had wanted a dollar from Dave, who didn't understand what she wanted it for, to bring me a chocolate covered pretzel the school was selling. This is the first year that she hasn't made me anything as her teacher was sick this year and she was disappointed. She well made up for it in hugs and kisses this weekend, so I'll take those any day. :-)
We went to our favorite italian place for dinner and then to ice cream after, on Sat night after Dave got off work (late, we had a late dinner, and you could tell LGA was running out of steam). Sunday, we just hung around the house. My back was still bothering me and so we just hung out as a family, Dave put together a new book shelf (ours buckled and fell down when it was moved for flooring) and hung a couple of pics for me. We had Togos sandwiches for lunch and then we did Applebees takeout. The girls and I ordered ribs and kidded each other about the sauce on our fingers and faces, but we dug in. Applebees has dessert shooters so we had those for dessert. The kids split an adult plate of ribs, they are very much into wanting to skip the kids meals, but BGA only eats enough for the kids meal. If you get her an adult meal she can't finish, so we've been finding ways of them splitting plates when we go out. It was a nice day and very low key, which was nice. LGA came home with a small canvas bag yesterday that had glitter on it and said, "I (insert a heart here) you Mom." SO cool.
Now on to the chores part. I have resisted a few years in getting the girls going on chores. I really needed to do all of them for the bonding and attachment to happen, but now as of last year when my mom died and the girls came with me to her house to pack it all up, they had to do stuff to help me out. There were days we didn't have anyone helping and I had to have them help me. So I started having them do a few things on their own over the last year till we started amping up what chores they did in Jan. The reason I am writing this today is I saw an article from Empowering Parents about parents doing everything for their kids. I have never really done that, well, I did it first few years, but then gradually backed off, when I saw BGA throw her backpack at me after school and say, "here mom." Right there and then I decided things were going to change. So over the last couple of years, they have been responsible for their stuff. OCD LGA is very good about this, BGA not so much. She has jackets on the floor, shoes thrown everywhere, pjs' on the floor, etc. So once LGA moved out, I started going through her room each day and telling her what needed to be picked up and making her spend a few moments to do it. She hates it, but she does it.
We did a list of chores for the girls, and they were able to do them pretty easily. They like doing chores for some reason, they have always wanted to help. So why not take advantage of that? Some kids hate doing stuff like this, but mine do for some reason.
The girls list of chores included:
BGA
Clean bathroom (I do the inside of the toilet, she does sink, counter, mirror, toilet and wipes down tub)
Keep room clean (ie pick up stuff off floor, etc.)
Feed pets (girls alternate)
Do dishes
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
LGA
Keep room clean
Wipe table down after meals
Feed Pets
Swiffer the laminate floors
Use the pet cleaner tool to get pet hair off the furniture (she loves this)
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
Water plants
These chores have worked well for them. When I was in bed, they brought me meals and my water bottle, etc. I was really proud of how they helped. If I sat in a chair they'd bring me pillows to help prop me up. BGA brought her bed pillow that my mom had and she got when we cleared out mom's house. She said I needed it and should use it. She was right. :-) Dave and the girls really took care of me and the house and I know it was hard, and sometimes it was hard for them to see me in pain, but they did a great job.
I'm really proud of how the girls are helping and in the maturity I see with them. There are still issues and one I really want to write about for BGA, but am not sure of the words yet. It's not always smooth sailing, they fight A LOT, they whine, they throw fits/tantrums, etc. It's very hard some days, and some days I want to pound my head against a wall. But maturity has come for them as well, and I find myself in awe of the girls they are now, versus how they were at 4 and 6 when they came home. I love that they are at a stage that we can go places and do things and for the most part (with the exception of LGA who still throws fits/tantrums) we can have a good time together. I see the humor they have (they both have good senses of humor), and how much fun it is to shop with them now, they have ideas of what they want to wear (versus just saying, "yeah, that's fine. Ok." That used to frustrate me no end so I'd just pick their stuff for them). They're funny and sweet, and frustrating all in one. But now that I can devote my full attention to them and am not torn between my mother and my brother, I am enjoying the time we have. I really had a hard time with them over the years and was frustrated a lot. To hear LGA say when asked to do something, "Ok mama" just makes ALL the difference to me. She still has a hard time transitioning between activities, but she's getting better. I know to warn her ahead of time and to make sure she knows when it's time to pick up the play stuff, and to tell her how much time is left, etc. It doesn't always work and she will tantrum/fit to the point I have to send her to calm down in time out, and those are the hard days. But I am learning what her triggers are and how to prevent the fit (if I can, it does not always work) and that has made a big difference in behavior for her.
Summer has been hard in the past for me because of the fits/tantrums LGA throws but I am learning to let her know what the activities for the day are (and we are thinking of getting a white board to write what will be happening each day). I'm hoping this year with the addition of the backyard and hopefully a backyard med sized pool to put on the concrete slab, that they will be able to have stuff to do, that maybe they can do some painting out there, some sidewalk chalk, etc. That we can be outside and not just sitting inside (because at 100+ temps sometimes that's all you can do, is to sit inside. My small house is not set up for crafting, etc.). I'm hoping we can do swimming lessons (we're still working on it, the girls have had a hard time mastering swimming but they enjoy the lessons) this year and BGA expressed an interest in cheer/gymnastics, so we'll see how that goes.
The girls have 12 days left of school (where HAS the year gone??) so these things are on my mind for the summer. Luckily it is a 2 mos break so it will be easier than a 3 mos break. 1 mo LGA will be in summer school so BGA and I will have mornings together. She needs some one on one time with us (Dave will be home one day on the weekday as it's his day off) and somehow will need to make it up to LGA as she was quite disappointed to know she has to go to summer school (it was recommended on her IEP and I find when she doesn't have a break in school work, she retains more and goes into the school year easier). There is some debate always about whether or not special needs kids should take the summer off, but I find with LGA, when she's had summers off and has to start up school again, she gets anxious, sometimes has been defiant and has a harder transition. So we set her up for summer school last year and it was a good decision for her. She went for one month then had a month off. It worked out well.
Chores are all part of growing up, and I do not want them to think I will do everything for them. I think I started at age 10 when I did chores, and mine were much more involved (dishes, vacuuming, dusting, ironing). I did do the feeding of pets, cleaning the bathroom I shared with my brother, watering plants, etc. So I am glad for the help, and glad to see they are completing chores. I wait for the day (as happened to me..........I hate house cleaning, and I would wait till the last minute before my mom walked in the door to complete my chores) that they don't want to do them or wait till the last minute to do them. I know it's coming.......but for now I'll just enjoy the extra help and I will be sure to praise their accomplishments. :-)
But I did want to update you on Mother's Day weekend (in case you were wondering). It went well. Friday tulips (my fave flower) and a card were delivered to me. LGA brought some lovely artifical flowers in a homemade box with a cute ribbon and her pic on it. That started a war when BGA had wanted a dollar from Dave, who didn't understand what she wanted it for, to bring me a chocolate covered pretzel the school was selling. This is the first year that she hasn't made me anything as her teacher was sick this year and she was disappointed. She well made up for it in hugs and kisses this weekend, so I'll take those any day. :-)
We went to our favorite italian place for dinner and then to ice cream after, on Sat night after Dave got off work (late, we had a late dinner, and you could tell LGA was running out of steam). Sunday, we just hung around the house. My back was still bothering me and so we just hung out as a family, Dave put together a new book shelf (ours buckled and fell down when it was moved for flooring) and hung a couple of pics for me. We had Togos sandwiches for lunch and then we did Applebees takeout. The girls and I ordered ribs and kidded each other about the sauce on our fingers and faces, but we dug in. Applebees has dessert shooters so we had those for dessert. The kids split an adult plate of ribs, they are very much into wanting to skip the kids meals, but BGA only eats enough for the kids meal. If you get her an adult meal she can't finish, so we've been finding ways of them splitting plates when we go out. It was a nice day and very low key, which was nice. LGA came home with a small canvas bag yesterday that had glitter on it and said, "I (insert a heart here) you Mom." SO cool.
Now on to the chores part. I have resisted a few years in getting the girls going on chores. I really needed to do all of them for the bonding and attachment to happen, but now as of last year when my mom died and the girls came with me to her house to pack it all up, they had to do stuff to help me out. There were days we didn't have anyone helping and I had to have them help me. So I started having them do a few things on their own over the last year till we started amping up what chores they did in Jan. The reason I am writing this today is I saw an article from Empowering Parents about parents doing everything for their kids. I have never really done that, well, I did it first few years, but then gradually backed off, when I saw BGA throw her backpack at me after school and say, "here mom." Right there and then I decided things were going to change. So over the last couple of years, they have been responsible for their stuff. OCD LGA is very good about this, BGA not so much. She has jackets on the floor, shoes thrown everywhere, pjs' on the floor, etc. So once LGA moved out, I started going through her room each day and telling her what needed to be picked up and making her spend a few moments to do it. She hates it, but she does it.
We did a list of chores for the girls, and they were able to do them pretty easily. They like doing chores for some reason, they have always wanted to help. So why not take advantage of that? Some kids hate doing stuff like this, but mine do for some reason.
The girls list of chores included:
BGA
Clean bathroom (I do the inside of the toilet, she does sink, counter, mirror, toilet and wipes down tub)
Keep room clean (ie pick up stuff off floor, etc.)
Feed pets (girls alternate)
Do dishes
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
LGA
Keep room clean
Wipe table down after meals
Feed Pets
Swiffer the laminate floors
Use the pet cleaner tool to get pet hair off the furniture (she loves this)
Clothes in hamper
Help with Laundry
Water plants
These chores have worked well for them. When I was in bed, they brought me meals and my water bottle, etc. I was really proud of how they helped. If I sat in a chair they'd bring me pillows to help prop me up. BGA brought her bed pillow that my mom had and she got when we cleared out mom's house. She said I needed it and should use it. She was right. :-) Dave and the girls really took care of me and the house and I know it was hard, and sometimes it was hard for them to see me in pain, but they did a great job.
I'm really proud of how the girls are helping and in the maturity I see with them. There are still issues and one I really want to write about for BGA, but am not sure of the words yet. It's not always smooth sailing, they fight A LOT, they whine, they throw fits/tantrums, etc. It's very hard some days, and some days I want to pound my head against a wall. But maturity has come for them as well, and I find myself in awe of the girls they are now, versus how they were at 4 and 6 when they came home. I love that they are at a stage that we can go places and do things and for the most part (with the exception of LGA who still throws fits/tantrums) we can have a good time together. I see the humor they have (they both have good senses of humor), and how much fun it is to shop with them now, they have ideas of what they want to wear (versus just saying, "yeah, that's fine. Ok." That used to frustrate me no end so I'd just pick their stuff for them). They're funny and sweet, and frustrating all in one. But now that I can devote my full attention to them and am not torn between my mother and my brother, I am enjoying the time we have. I really had a hard time with them over the years and was frustrated a lot. To hear LGA say when asked to do something, "Ok mama" just makes ALL the difference to me. She still has a hard time transitioning between activities, but she's getting better. I know to warn her ahead of time and to make sure she knows when it's time to pick up the play stuff, and to tell her how much time is left, etc. It doesn't always work and she will tantrum/fit to the point I have to send her to calm down in time out, and those are the hard days. But I am learning what her triggers are and how to prevent the fit (if I can, it does not always work) and that has made a big difference in behavior for her.
Summer has been hard in the past for me because of the fits/tantrums LGA throws but I am learning to let her know what the activities for the day are (and we are thinking of getting a white board to write what will be happening each day). I'm hoping this year with the addition of the backyard and hopefully a backyard med sized pool to put on the concrete slab, that they will be able to have stuff to do, that maybe they can do some painting out there, some sidewalk chalk, etc. That we can be outside and not just sitting inside (because at 100+ temps sometimes that's all you can do, is to sit inside. My small house is not set up for crafting, etc.). I'm hoping we can do swimming lessons (we're still working on it, the girls have had a hard time mastering swimming but they enjoy the lessons) this year and BGA expressed an interest in cheer/gymnastics, so we'll see how that goes.
The girls have 12 days left of school (where HAS the year gone??) so these things are on my mind for the summer. Luckily it is a 2 mos break so it will be easier than a 3 mos break. 1 mo LGA will be in summer school so BGA and I will have mornings together. She needs some one on one time with us (Dave will be home one day on the weekday as it's his day off) and somehow will need to make it up to LGA as she was quite disappointed to know she has to go to summer school (it was recommended on her IEP and I find when she doesn't have a break in school work, she retains more and goes into the school year easier). There is some debate always about whether or not special needs kids should take the summer off, but I find with LGA, when she's had summers off and has to start up school again, she gets anxious, sometimes has been defiant and has a harder transition. So we set her up for summer school last year and it was a good decision for her. She went for one month then had a month off. It worked out well.
Chores are all part of growing up, and I do not want them to think I will do everything for them. I think I started at age 10 when I did chores, and mine were much more involved (dishes, vacuuming, dusting, ironing). I did do the feeding of pets, cleaning the bathroom I shared with my brother, watering plants, etc. So I am glad for the help, and glad to see they are completing chores. I wait for the day (as happened to me..........I hate house cleaning, and I would wait till the last minute before my mom walked in the door to complete my chores) that they don't want to do them or wait till the last minute to do them. I know it's coming.......but for now I'll just enjoy the extra help and I will be sure to praise their accomplishments. :-)
Friday, May 10, 2013
Mother's Day.......
I wanted to share this post that was posted on a RAD board on FB. One of my local moms added me to the RAD board and I read it sometimes, not sure if the girls really have RAD, but there have been some discussions on RAD and FASD being similar so I do read the posts sometimes. This post I am going to copy here, reminds me of how our Mother's Days have gone in the past. I was a newbie mom excited for my first Mother's Day with the girls and it did not go as planned (many holidays didn't, until the girls had been with us a few years). I wish I had read this post then. It would have explained a lot about how I sometimes think BGA felt, and possibly LGA, although her delays in processing are just now catching up to her, almost 5 yrs later.
I was not with the girls last Mother's Day. My mom died that weekend and I had family/friends around, but not Dave and the girls as they couldn't come down to be with me. My cousin brought me sunflowers in a vase and a card. It was nice she remembered, and the girls made cards and gave me cards when I got home, but I didn't really (I just was so out of it) notice them much till I found them while moving stuff for the flooring. I now have all the cards the girls have given me, in one place.
I have seen posts on how Mother's Day is not really a holiday moms should want to celebrate and how we are all moms and don't really need a holiday to celebrate what kind of mom we are, etc. I think a few years back I would have been upset about that as I waited 7 yrs to celebrate this holiday. But now, 5 yrs in? Well, now I am comfortable (finally) in my skin as a mom and I don't really need a holiday to celebrate it. We aren't going to brunch, or lunch, or dinner (that I know of) nor will I get any expensive gifts. I asked for grocery store bunches of flowers and a small box of candy. The only reason I wanted the flowers is I used to send my mother flowers every year on this holiday. She really didn't need anything else and she liked flowers and liked to have the vases (I found a lot of them at her house while clearing it out last year) and look at the flowers, either in her house or in later years, while she was in bed. I wanted some flowers like she used to like getting, something pretty to look at. So that's why I asked for them. I have gotten bouquets sent to me for various holidays until I just told Dave I didn't need to get them. But this time I told him to go to the local grocery store and get me two bunches of flowers (he doesn't buy from him, he buys for the girls to give to me). And now I don't need anything fancy to celebrate the holiday.
We'll see what we come up with but I'm happy just having us all together. And as in the past, the girls have had some grief and it has not really turned out how I imagined it to be, so I'm just winging it, as I have in years past.
To those of you who have lost your mother and miss her, or to those who have your mother and will celebrate her, I wish you a nice day. To those who are not mothers yet, your day is coming. I hope you find some peace in the day.
Here's the post, which reminds me a lot of the girls in the past years. I wish I had realized their pain and been able to comfort them earlier than I did. I did finally realize (after getting over my own disappointment in what I thought the day should be, there was a lesson there, as there always is where the girls are concerned) and was able to comfort them. This year I think they will be comforting me and we will comfort each other together.
On Mother's Day I can't just think of You.
I am not sure one person can love two moms,
I wonder if I am supposed to choose…
maybe if I choose her she'll choose me this time.
I am not good enough.
On Mother's Day I can't be only happy that I have you
because it means I don't have her.
... I am sad.
On Mother's Day I can't just be peaceful
I am so worried I am going to mess up, I don't understand
what is really expected from me,
I just want to run away or crawl in a hole.
I am anxious.
On Mother's Day I can't believe I am good
enough to have a mom like you.
I know that mothers leave…
Before you leave me I have to push you away
so it won't hurt so much.
I am scared.
On Mother's Day I can't feel vulnerable enough
to show you how much I need you.
I will need to create a smoke screen of behaviors,
words and choices that will cover that vulnerability up.
I am a survivor.
I was not with the girls last Mother's Day. My mom died that weekend and I had family/friends around, but not Dave and the girls as they couldn't come down to be with me. My cousin brought me sunflowers in a vase and a card. It was nice she remembered, and the girls made cards and gave me cards when I got home, but I didn't really (I just was so out of it) notice them much till I found them while moving stuff for the flooring. I now have all the cards the girls have given me, in one place.
I have seen posts on how Mother's Day is not really a holiday moms should want to celebrate and how we are all moms and don't really need a holiday to celebrate what kind of mom we are, etc. I think a few years back I would have been upset about that as I waited 7 yrs to celebrate this holiday. But now, 5 yrs in? Well, now I am comfortable (finally) in my skin as a mom and I don't really need a holiday to celebrate it. We aren't going to brunch, or lunch, or dinner (that I know of) nor will I get any expensive gifts. I asked for grocery store bunches of flowers and a small box of candy. The only reason I wanted the flowers is I used to send my mother flowers every year on this holiday. She really didn't need anything else and she liked flowers and liked to have the vases (I found a lot of them at her house while clearing it out last year) and look at the flowers, either in her house or in later years, while she was in bed. I wanted some flowers like she used to like getting, something pretty to look at. So that's why I asked for them. I have gotten bouquets sent to me for various holidays until I just told Dave I didn't need to get them. But this time I told him to go to the local grocery store and get me two bunches of flowers (he doesn't buy from him, he buys for the girls to give to me). And now I don't need anything fancy to celebrate the holiday.
We'll see what we come up with but I'm happy just having us all together. And as in the past, the girls have had some grief and it has not really turned out how I imagined it to be, so I'm just winging it, as I have in years past.
To those of you who have lost your mother and miss her, or to those who have your mother and will celebrate her, I wish you a nice day. To those who are not mothers yet, your day is coming. I hope you find some peace in the day.
Here's the post, which reminds me a lot of the girls in the past years. I wish I had realized their pain and been able to comfort them earlier than I did. I did finally realize (after getting over my own disappointment in what I thought the day should be, there was a lesson there, as there always is where the girls are concerned) and was able to comfort them. This year I think they will be comforting me and we will comfort each other together.
On Mother's Day I can't just think of You.
I am not sure one person can love two moms,
I wonder if I am supposed to choose…
maybe if I choose her she'll choose me this time.
I am not good enough.
On Mother's Day I can't be only happy that I have you
because it means I don't have her.
... I am sad.
On Mother's Day I can't just be peaceful
I am so worried I am going to mess up, I don't understand
what is really expected from me,
I just want to run away or crawl in a hole.
I am anxious.
On Mother's Day I can't believe I am good
enough to have a mom like you.
I know that mothers leave…
Before you leave me I have to push you away
so it won't hurt so much.
I am scared.
On Mother's Day I can't feel vulnerable enough
to show you how much I need you.
I will need to create a smoke screen of behaviors,
words and choices that will cover that vulnerability up.
I am a survivor.
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