During the last half of the year, I feel a lot of reflection (much as I love fall and proclaimed it in my last post) coming on. I am seeing it in posts on other blogs, and I feel it, as much as I feel the weather changing.
Today marks the 13th anniversary of our marriage. I cannot help but reflect 13 yrs ago at this time.
Look how young we were (and I was a lot heavier than I am now). We knew so little about the direction our lives would go, same as some people's lives go, job layoffs, debt, infertility, etc. We knew so little about being married either, we had no idea how to be a man and wife, married. We had a house and a dog, and jobs. We had friends we hung out with all the time on the weekends. And we waited for the baby we thought would come. It didn't, so we moved to infertility treatments. We then let that go and I went through the hardest operation I'd ever been through, emotionally (physically it was easy), a hysterectomy as my poor body had been through a lot infertility treatment wise. We took 3 years for me to heal physically, another job loss (this time mine) and to heal emotionally. We then decided to go through the foster to adoption route after having a 'friend of a friend's' friend who got pg and might want to place for a domestic adoption. We weren't ready but would have done whatever we could to make it happen. The birthmother parented and I was really devastated. It came shortly after my hysterectomy op so I think that was part of the reason we took 3 yrs as well to decide on whether or not we wanted to be parents.
We got to know each other over 7 yrs. We knew each other like the back of our hands. We had similar thoughts as well as different (much different) interests. Dave was into comics and painting wargaming figurines, video games,action movies, initially he was into WWE wrestling. I was into making my own jewelry (with his support, starting me out in the beginning and helping to learn different techniques - before You Tube), reading, and comedy/romance movies, and I started to learn to cook (after Dave initially did the cooking in our house since I commuted) and liked clothing/shoes. But we would routinely be thinking the same thought and would voice it. We had a commitment to being together through sickness and health (my health would test us first). We rarely argued if at all, but we did get frustrated with each other at times. We loved our dog and going on date nights each Friday night. We went to movies and dinner and pretty much took day trips places in our area and beyond. We were comfortable in our lives together.
And then we had a conversation late one night about adoption. I pretty much told Dave I was ok if we didn't adopt (I wanted to raise Cavalier King Charles Spaniel dogs) and he could decide. I was ok either way he chose - we could decide to pursue adoption or if he really didn't want to, we could decide not to. And I wasn't just saying it to make him do it, I really could have gone either way and would have been perfectly happy. I was over 40, and I knew that it would be hard to parent over 40. Dave chose to go forward. Our friends A & S had adopted 3 boys foster to adopt and S and I had been Yahoo Im'ing each night as she told me about the process and the parenting of her new boys. We met the boys and decided to go to an information session for their foster to adopt agency.
The rest is pretty much history but I'll cap it off here for you since most of it is on our older blog. We went through the process and mid way through I experienced another job layoff (this time in the mortgage industry as an admin) mid way through finishing our homestudy and I had no idea if we would be able to continue. I was mad about the timing (as I felt my bosses knew where we were in the process) but most of the office was laid off in different stages so I had wished it could have been earlier in the year (it was fall) so we could have finished our home study. However, we managed to finish and waited a month before we got calls and met the girls. They were placed a month after we met them and the rest is history.
I look at where we are 13 yrs later and while it is different (we argue or snipe at each other a bit more than we ever did before kids) it has also grown a lot. Dave has been here with me through health issues, the loss of both my brother and my mother, his mini health issues, and we have gone through a lot with the girls' placement. We have found out how strong we were together and separately, and we have grown as individuals, a couple and as parents. I love him more than I ever have and I am glad to know that when I tend to (possible ADD???) to not focus he can bring me back in. He is the voice of reason and he takes awhile to think things over (I go whole hog and want to do stuff NOW!). He's solid as a person and he's very much dead on in his opinions of people. He has a great sense of humor and makes me laugh a lot. I love him and I can't imagine life without him.
So, here's to 13 yrs of marriage, and to many more. I know he won't read this blog, but I love you Dave. You are a great father and husband.
And to celebrate, since we do not have babysitters, we will take the girls out for dinner. They were excited it was our anniversary and I know they will look forward to celebrating with us.