Thursday, April 4, 2013

Our Girl Got Student of the Month!!!

I am so very proud of BGA.  She got Student of the Month, the assembly is coming up soon.  I think she may also get some academic awards this time too. as that girl amazed me and totally brought up her report card to where it was at the end of last year.  WOW.  Also there are certain catagories for O's, P's, S's and U's (Outstanding, Progressing, Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory).  The girl got all O's this report card.  Has not happened. Ever. Not.At.All.  Very proud of her.

She had an emotional afternoon and tried to sabatoge this great accomplishment though.  Perhaps this comes with the territory, but as she is almost 12 I want to be able to make her feel proud of herself, and she doesn't feel that way.  I don't know how to change it but I guess I need to start reading some books on it.  Because I tell her everyday how proud and loved she is, but she still got upset yesterday.  Now, part of that my friend tells me is it's scary for kids to get shots and kids react differently to them.  BGA had to get a meningitis shot and I had no idea, so when the girls went for their physicals (more on that shortly) and ADHD meds refills, the NP told BGA she needed that shot, after I had (because what did I know?  I thought I remembered the NP saying last time that she didn't need any shots at all, and that was 4 mos ago!) said there would be no shots.  Almost like this NP relished saying it after I assured (and Dave did too as he was with us) her no shots.  Ugh.  So she freaked.  LGA picked up her uneasiness and began to work it to her advantage till we realized it (pretty quickly I might add) and told her to stop.  Then LGA decided (even though she won't need a shot till she's 9, in June, but I didn't let her know that) that she was getting a shot and got upset.  So, BGA took the shot, Dave is the person they want there (although LGA wants both of us, BGA prefers Dave) when they get a shot (good thing I asked him to come, but we had such success at it last time because he was there, that I asked him to come again.  I can really ask questions and talk to dr/np when he's there to deflect their nervousness).  All was well till dinner and we went out since the appt was 3:20 and we got out of there (OMG, such a LONG wait at this dr. office!  We are always the LAST ones in at a pm appt) at 5.   More on that in a minute though........

The NP gave me the percentages for each girl. 

BGA is 11, weighs in at 63 pounds and is 4'7.  She is at 25th percentile!  Wow.  She really needs to bulk up. I'm afraid the ADHD meds are making her not put on the weight.  So I bulk her up with whole milk, and other foods to try to get pounds on.  She is actually gaining according to the NP so that is good.

LGA on the other hand is 8, almost 9, and is 63 pounds and 4'2.  She is in the 75th percentile. So she's doing well and the ADHD meds have not affected her weight or height wise.

It was so nice to get this info as the dr, never gives it to me at all. I never knew where they were.

SO after the dr. appt, (during which in the car BGA gave Dave her good news and he praised her) we decide to go to dinner on the waterfront.  Dave was craving mexican food, which is not one of BGA's favorite foods.  I know she wanted to pick because she got a good report card and student of the month.  But we did let her know we'd celebrate later, this was just a get dinner and get home kinda meal.  So it became a pout/fit when she wanted to pick two chimichangas for dinner.  Now BGA is not a big eater and she won't finish her food a lot.  Dave felt that maybe the girls could share and BGA get one, LGA get one.  But, no, LGA had picked out her own tacquitos and wanted her own meal.  Other options were given to BGA, one of which, the nachos, the waitress said were large.  Again LGA was asked if she wanted to share, again she said no.  SO BGA blew up and started crying and pouting.  By this time an older lady in the corner was eyeing this whole exchange (and once BGA got going LGA amped up considerably, got out of her seat, was mad that she couldn't sit by me - she's becoming a mama's girl and wants to be by me a lot of the time) so behaviors were not good (girls missed out on their small chocolate Sees eggs after dinner because of behavior).  Could not get BGA to stop. She kept going.  But instead of seeming sad (as she was later, more on that) she became pouty and sullen.   We had had to wait in a hot sun beating down on it exam room for almost 45 mins and then we have to deal with behavior.  Oh I was done.  So with LGA I finally said, and I POINTED, "that lady over there is watching you, do you want to keep going?"  That stopped both LGA and the woman staring.  I don't care if she overheard, by that point, I had had enough.  So we ordered the lunch version of chimichangas for BGA and she wouldn't eat it or touch it.  She kept stabbing it so I cut it up for her and ignored her.  She started eating and finished most of her plate.  We had discussed that we're not going to buy full meals (she feels she's getting too old for the kids meals in restaurants but really she isn't and the portions when they are decent are good size for her.  Sometimes if they are small she will get a small meal or we will share, she and I or her and LGA share) because she wastes them.  So she got mad.  And pouted.  Then after dinner they tried to talk me into giving them their chocolate eggs.  Nope, sorry, consequences are in effect for not good behavior.  They can try for tonight after dinner as I am cooking and it's a dinner LGA likes, spaghetti.

When we got home, BGA just kept getting more pouty and sullen. Finally in the kitchen I pulled her aside and asked what was wrong.  Apparently she does not feel worthy of this award.  I was heartbroken. I wanted her to feel proud of it and proud of her accomplishment.  SO I talked to her and kept telling her how proud we were, how proud she should be, etc.  I listed off things she does around the house that totally help me out (she's doing chores now and LGA will be responsible for doing the laminate floors when they get put in, as well as folding towels and cleaning the table off after dinner, all a good start for her). She started to come around, but then out of the blue she said, "But my birthfather will not know I got the award.  He said that I should tell him if I get an award."  Wow.  Not sure if that is true, but I guess she was thinking of him.  I'm glad she talked about it.  I wonder if someone mentioned birthparents to her at school because she was having some dreams and has had since she and LGA have shared a room.  But once she voiced this fear and we talked through it, no dreams last night.  Not one.  Oh my heart hurt for her.  But we worked through it and I will continue to let her know how proud I am of her, Dave get her a great bear hug and told her he loved her and was proud of her.

This am, LGA who I also said I was proud of, at bed time, woke the house up at 5:50.  So since I was up and moving around I fixed everyone bkfst.  LGA gets bfkst at school with her class but I gave her a yogurt smoothie to eat and she settled down.  I had BGA butter the toast and fixed eggs and pre cooked sausage for the other 3 of us (while telling LGA we were having her favorite, spaghetti for dinner, gotta keep it equal).  BGA wanted a fried egg so I made it and she said, "you are the best mom.  You are a good cook." Pshaw.......(or however you spell it).  I'm mediocre, but I try, LOL.  She was extra talkative and huggy this am but I'll certainly take it.  LGA and Dave and I watched the cat look at the birds (oh yes, we have a birds nest under our eaves and one baby already fell and died, poor thing) flying around.  She enjoyed me being there as she is in the mommy stage and wants me around.  She got on the bus and was in a good mood.  I really need to help Dave and get up in the am, because I think he can get burnt out (till we decided LGA was playing us, my friend came to stay and came during the week and fully felt LGA was taking advantage, so now she's responsible for getting herself ready and we aren't going to prompt her or remind her) in the am and it's time I helped him out a bit. 

So, my friend came to visit last week (it's been a busy couple of weeks).  She had a birthday, and came to stay so we could shop and hang out.  It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed her visit.  The girls were in school so we could hang out and talk, shop, go to lunch, etc.  Then she could see the girls in the pm after school and for dinner, then when they went to bed (and they are STILL sharing a room, almost 6 weeks later!) we could talk, drink wine, and watch tv.  Totally fun for me.  I miss her this week.  There is some background, and we haven't really been much in touch (on her end) since the girls came home. I am not really sure where it all comes from, but it is what it is.  She lost her dad xmas of 2011, so she came to see us (after I had not seen her since Nov 2007 or had much contact with her at all) on the way down to S CA and the way back.  It was awkward to say the least.  Then she asked to come stay for New Year's eve.  I invited her back all last year, but she got a promotion and works in a different location and I think her job took up some time.  We didn't address any of the issues but I tried to keep it light, and mainly let her talk about what was going on in her life.  We had a couple of interesting things, the van had to go in the shop, so I had to drive Dave's car, which is set up for his 6'2 frame and not my short one.  I used to drive his car when the girls came home but now it's firmly fitting he and his frame and not mine.  Took some getting used to.  There were some things she wanted to fit in so we were out every day she was here.  She also mentioned (evidently in jest) about a maple bacon cupcake so I tried to follow the local cupcake truck, two towns over to get one for her (never did as their truck broke down).  But it was a nice relaxing visit and we had fun.

Now we are just waiting on the scheduling of our flooring, some almost 6 weeks later.  Money had to come out of our pocket as our insurance company would not pay for all of our repairs.  I was trying to deal with the agent on the phone while my friend was there chatting to the dogs, and I was trying to hear the agent who has a very LOW voice.  But it all got worked out in the end, however, we still have not heard from the company that is doing the install even though we paid on Monday and they were supposed to get back to us in two business days.  Also have some drains being put in in the backyard to see if that will help re-direct any water that is going under the house, so that job will start.  Lots of busy stuff going on.

I am very proud of the girl, though.  This was even after my friend was here and we picked BGA up one day after school.  The teacher had had a sub and wrote a note saying how the sub really enjoyed BGA in class (BGA's class is ahem, very challenging for the teacher) and how she was helpful and I believe the words, "a joy" in class.  I'm very proud of this girl.  She's come so far.  Now if I can only inspire some self confidence in her before the teen years start.  Must work on that with her.


  1. Oh Molly, congratulations to BGA. She really has come so so so far and mostly it is because of you and Dave nurturing her self confidence. I feel so badly for her though, saying that about her BF not knowing she won the award. I wonder if she feels that they relinquished her because she didn't deserve to be kept? You know how our kids think of things that to us make no sense but to them are absolutely real. So many of our kids are perfectionists because of the fear of being relinquished again--you know, they try to be so, so good so that no one will want to give them up again. It breaks my heart.
    In any case, she should feel proud of the hard work she has done.
    I'm giggling at the image of you in Dave's car. You pipsqueak you. ;-)

  2. Wow, congratulations to BGA on her huge accomplishment! You two are such great parents, both in supporting her and letting her know how proud you are, and in giving her a safe space to talk about her worries. Actually, congratulations to you all.


  3. Thank you Maggie! :-)

    Leigh, yes, she has come SO far. It's amazing how much confidence and love can for a child. She's still insecure in a lot of ways and I reassure her a lot, but I don't mind, and I just keep telling her over and over how proud we are of her. And yes, the perfectionist thing is right there. It breaks my heart too. I hope she's proud, cause I sure am proud of her. :-)